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Original poster

How do you feel about lap dance club/pole dancing stuff.........?

318 replies

niceglasses · 23/05/2007 07:41

My dh works in a bit of a boyish industry - mobile phones - tends to be bit 'scummy'.

I'd say ohhhh 5 or 6 times now on a night out they have ended up at these lap dance/topless places. At least he doens't lie about it! He says they just want the extra drink. He doesn't get home till about 4/5 in the morning.

I have gently let it be known I don't like it - he says its harmless.

What do you wise lot think? I don't feel like I can 'ban' him but I do feel a bit put out.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 23/05/2007 14:31

but ilovemyhubby

everyone is different! i cant undertand it either but each to their own

and if both parties are happy then what they are doing is fine IMO
not harming each other or anyone else

when i worked (as a barmaid) in the club loads of women went there with their dh's
dead normal they were too (plain, boring looking, old, all sorts)

moopymoo · 23/05/2007 14:32

it blows my mind too ilovemyhubby. i would never put up with this and my dh would not go. i am no prude, but it would feel like a betrayal.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 14:33

as i said, my dh does not find it arousing so i guess this is why i dont really care if he goes or not.
but couple watch porn together dont they?
maybe for couples who watch dancers together get the same buzz?

i dont know.

madamez · 23/05/2007 14:40

Ilovemyhubby: not everyone is even monogamous, let alone not being as hysterically possessive of their partner's genitals, eyesight and throught processes as you seem to be. OP, you have every right to air your opinion to your partner and to have him listen to you but it might be worth considering what exactly bothers you about it.
Is it that you're concerned he might leave you for a poledancer? If you trust him in other respects then you probably haven't got a lot to worry about.
If you're on a tight household budget and resent him spending money on these clubs (which are much more expensive than pubs, after all) then that's a different matter again.

ilovemyhubby · 23/05/2007 14:42

Porn involves sex, not just women trying to arouse your husband. (not saying porn is ok, just that it is different...)

ilovemyhubby · 23/05/2007 14:44

madamez, It is not possessive to want your partner to be faithful in heart and body.

nailpolish · 23/05/2007 14:44

you never know til you try

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 14:44

what i meant is it is just watching.
nothing physical goes on.
but yes, i get your point.

just thinking maybe some couples watch dancers together to get the same sort of 'effect'?
plus, blokes in pornos are always fugly!
lol

LostPuppy · 23/05/2007 14:47

I'm a bloke, and I hate the places. But then that's because i hate getting fleeced, and that's what happens there.

All power to the women that do it and make a small fortune, although there is a world of difference between spearmint rhino and some of the seedier establishments where it is £1 in the pint pot.

ipanemagirl · 23/05/2007 14:47

These places objectify women imo.

Do you have a daughter? I think that's a good thing to ask a man. Would he honestly want a daughter of his to work in a place like that?

If not then if he wants the world to be a better place he shouldn't support these places. Do we want to live in a society where women exist as sexual objects? More annorexia anyone?

madamez · 23/05/2007 14:48

Ilovemyhubby: if your partner shares your view on the importance of monogamy then the two of you are undoubtedly well-suited and good luck to you. But other people have different outlooks on the subject, and as long as people discuss with their partners how open or closed they want their relationships to be, no one way of conducting one's lovelife is better than any other.

talcyoyo · 23/05/2007 14:48

I'm not very good at it.

nightowl · 23/05/2007 14:48

wouldn't bother me one bit. if we were on a beach i couldn't stop him looking at boobs.

and if he paid for "extras" then he could get extras just as easily and probably cheaper on the streets or at a massge parlour, if he was that way inclined. cant chain him up.

skidaddle · 23/05/2007 14:49

I don't think this is (or should be) about morally judging women who work as lap dancers - to try and categorise them as 'sluts' or something similar IMO is very offenive and wrong.

Agree with nailpolish that:

"and if both parties are happy then what they are doing is fine IMO
not harming each other or anyone else"

but unfortunately I think this is often not the case. I find this kind of stuff incredibly exploitative. I know individual women will say they made a completely free and informed choice to be a lap dancer but i really think this applies to a minority of women. Plus the general idea that women are there for the titillation if men is abhorrent to me.

That is why I would not be happy if my dp went to watch lap dancers, not because i can't bear the idea of him being sexually attracted to other women which he obviously is (and tells me about it)

expatinscotland · 23/05/2007 14:49

It's a rip off.

I'd rather he wasted money on smoething else.

Sunshinemummy · 23/05/2007 14:49

NG, my DP also works in a boyish industry (booze) and has been to a lot of lap dancing clubs. He finds them embarassing and not in the least sexy but the clients always want to go and he is expected to do what the client wants. Tbh I don't have a problem with this at all. It's part of his job and he can look as long as he doesn't touch. I'm not insecure anout him going at all.

Pan · 23/05/2007 14:50

talcy - oooh..I bet you are...

UnquietDad · 23/05/2007 14:50

I think it's horrible. I love looking at gorgeous naked women as much as the next man, but in private! The idea of a lap-dancing club does absolutely nothing for me.

talcyoyo · 23/05/2007 14:51

madamez · 23/05/2007 14:51

Ipanemagilr: many friends of mine have worked as strippers. In some cases it was to fund their studies, in other cases it was to boost their incomes generally: if you need cash quickly, stripping offers a much better hourly rate than secretarial temping. None of them were traumatised by their experiences and several actively enjoyed the work.

expatinscotland · 23/05/2007 14:52

I worked as a waitress in a strip club. Had to wear a mini skirt with tights and sleeveless top but I loved it because you got great tips and the blokes were all busy looking at the tits to give the wait staff much bother.

DEFINITELY preferable to temping as a secretary.

Sorry, but that type of work is right up there with cleaning toilets for being treated like scum.

nailpolish · 23/05/2007 14:54

i lvoed it too expat

it was very safe too - no one dared pinch your bum or start a fight like they did in other bars i worked in

Pan · 23/05/2007 14:54

" I love looking at gorgeous naked women as much as the next man"..a careful reading of that could offer an alternative meaning, UD....

DaddyJ · 23/05/2007 14:54

ilovemyhubby, sorry I was not very clear in my first post:
I wasn't suggesting the OP should try a joint lap dance to get
aroused but to see how un-erotic and awkward the whole thing is.

moopymoo, it can happen, one of my friends once dated a stripper
(very briefly - she was after his dosh) that he met in a lapdancing club
but as nailpolish will surely confirm these are very very rare exceptions
to the firmly applied rule that the whole thing is just a business transaction.

And as was alluded below, what is worse:
your dp chatting up/being chatted up by someone in a bar/club
(maybe someone like the jolly lady who was looking for hotel advice on another thread)
or your dp getting a lapdance from someone who is trying to make some money?

LostPuppy, I second that.

expatinscotland · 23/05/2007 14:55

No, no one dared to touch us or they'd have been OUT.

We were also escorted out to our cars or taxis, too.

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