I’ve got to cancel my wedding this weekend, I can’t marry him

[Wheresmeredithgrey]

I’ve just told my partner I can’t marry him this weekend. I can’t spend my life with him. For years I’ve been making excuse after excuse for him, building him up whilst I was fucking drowning and then today I just cracked. I nearly passed out in the city centre because I’m so drained, physically, emotionally. I hold up the whole family singlehandedly and I am made to feel constantly guilty.

We have both families coming, cousins, uncles, bridesmaids, groomsmen, work colleagues, friends, hotels, outfits, food, DJ’s, children, fucking flowers, elderly grandparents, all about to set soon to travel for our wedding that I can’t allow to happen.

What the fuck am I going to do.

I feel so guilty about the money spent by others and destroyed a weekend for so many.

This ^^ is vastly preferable to them arranging to travel to your funeral in a few years! You are doing your dc a favour by NOT staying in an abusive situation, the initial fall out won't be easy or pleasant but it will be worth it in the end.

You are incredibly brave OP and you have love and support here on MN. It won't feel like it at the moment, but you will come through this and be fine.

Chin up, we are all here for you

Wow, well done OP. I hope you & the DC have a lovely weekend. There will no doubt be family and friends who love you and will stay with you anyway and give you the support you need for this new and very positive direction.

I wish i had done the same for my first wedding. Bravo to you, it will all seem like a bad dream soon and you can move on free of that horrible man. You are amazing.

You have done absolutely the right thing here in cancelling the wedding.

Men like this can and do take an awful long time, years even, to recover from.

To this end I would suggest that you have a look at and enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid. This is for people who have been in abusive relationships. It will also help you reset your boundaries in relationships which have also been well and truly messed with by this individual.

I am not surprised his family of origin are dicks as well; the rotten apple that is he did not fall far from the rotten tree that is his family of origin.

Op, we’ll done. You’ve made a huge decision that’s right for you. Gather any support you can (emotional, practical, organisational) and get it all sorted.

I hope you can more forward and have a better life, love. You do only get the one

Oh, meant to say, my first husband was controlling, physically violent and had a foul temper. Sadly, I still need to “consort” with him over our son. He hasn’t changed and every time I speak with him and he gets nasty I know I don’t need to put up with his bullshit anymore. I have a legal document which says “go away you complete git” in the form of a Decree Absolute but, it’d be better had I never married him.

Good luck OP. 🌸🌸

You are so brave, wise and strong Meredith . It’s going to be a tough week sorting it out but a million times more preferable than going ahead and then having to deal with the fallout of going ahead knowing it’s the wrong thing for you.

Sending you strength and every good wish for the future.

How are you doing this morning @Wheresmeredithgrey ? I wish I'd had the guts to do what you did. Stay strong X

Congratulations.

As bad as this is, anything is better than going along with something you don't really want.

Best of luck. xxx

DOnt feel guilty about the guests - they can still have a weekend away or do something fun with the time if they choose to.

As hasn’t already been said better to do it sooner rather than later and not have to go through a divorce. It must have been such a tough decision but based on what you have posted it sounds like the right one

I spent over 20 years in a marriage like this. I am still going through some of the messy aftermath, but even that's so much better than being with him. Stay strong.
Oh, and the pp who posted the video, watch it, I too ended up with a severe auto immune disease!

Whilst this is going to be tough, in a years time you will look back and realise it was the best decision you ever made so try to keep that in the front of your mind in he coming days/weeks/months.

OP, I know you'l have a lot to sort out today, but let us know how you're doing. You did totally the right thing, long term you wouldn't have been able to continue in a relationship.

Dancing a little jig for you!

My DC and I were victims of an abuser and the hell we went through before we were more or less free was incredibly hard. The divorce itself took 5 long, grisly years, battling it out in court.

Well done you, you fogave him such a lot, thank God you have come to your senses, leopards DONT change their spots. I did marry this man (not literally of course) he wasnt like it before we got married, he seemed kind,caring,gentle, couldnt wait to get married. I thought it was because he loved me so much. Changed pretty much as soon as we got married, I had the violence, weird behaviour, got very drunk once admitted he was Gay, wanted a nice respectfull wife, family for his middle class family. Tried to kill me twice, then yes the messy divorce, please let us know how you get on.

Op honestly when you/your mum/mate ring round people will say either ‘no problem’, ‘you poor thing’, ‘better now than after’ or nothing much. No decent person will give you any stress and the vast majority will talk about it to each other but only in terms of ‘oh how hard’ and ‘I don’t know I’d be brave enough’.

Focus on getting you and the kind dd somewhere safe to live.

Kind dd = kids

Well done. I don’t know you but I take my hat off to you for having the strength of purpose and courage of your convictions at a time when many who have been damaged by abuse would feel unable to break free (through no fault of their own)
I think, sometimes even in terrifying, pressure cooker situations we can just realise enough is enough and act on the epiphany.

Instinct is a powerful thing, I think yours has been finely honed by this bastard and you will move forward into a brighter, hopeful, fulfilling and infinitely more peaceful future.

Your true friends and family may well be so relieved and pleased for you they will be cheering. This is the storm, it will stir stuff up, but hunker down and you will get through this. You are choosing well. I admire you.

Darling girl, you've done a really brave thing. I promise you in a year's time you will feel AMAZING xxx

You are incredibly brave. Well done for you and your children.
You are strong woman - this is just the beginning.

A family member recently cancelled her wedding- she lives the other side of the world and people were flying long haul to attend.

Everyone was happy that she had cancelled rather than get married out of a sense of obligation.

Well done, you’ve been so brave.

I suspect that some of your friends and family will have been secretly very worried at the idea of you marrying this man. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of quiet support and relief comes your way. People would prefer the wedding called off than see you marry an abusive arsehole.
Take care and good luck.