I’ve got to cancel my wedding this weekend, I can’t marry him

[Wheresmeredithgrey]

I’ve just told my partner I can’t marry him this weekend. I can’t spend my life with him. For years I’ve been making excuse after excuse for him, building him up whilst I was fucking drowning and then today I just cracked. I nearly passed out in the city centre because I’m so drained, physically, emotionally. I hold up the whole family singlehandedly and I am made to feel constantly guilty.

We have both families coming, cousins, uncles, bridesmaids, groomsmen, work colleagues, friends, hotels, outfits, food, DJ’s, children, fucking flowers, elderly grandparents, all about to set soon to travel for our wedding that I can’t allow to happen.

What the fuck am I going to do.

I hope you’ve got up today in a positive frame of mind, you’ve made the best decision ever!
If I was one of your guests, I wouldn’t think twice about having a “spoiled” weekend-I’d be relieved amd in awe of you for making your decision. Much love x

What a wonderful brave woman you are, Wheresmeredithgrey. I feel proud to be here with all these other people to give you a big virtual cheer and handhold.

SO, SO brave, OP - well done for making the right decision & saving yourself from the inevitable (and much, much messier divorce).
Nothing else to add really, just couldn't read & run.
Stay strong, today is Day One of your better life xxx

Well done. So much better shortly before the event than shortly after. Don't feel bad about it; you've even saved him a load of trouble, as he'll work out one day.

I think you should be bloody proud of yourself making this decision, OP!

The fact that it's just before the wedding is a red herring. Of course, it involves a bit of hassle to sort out but...oh the relief when it's done!!!!! Wish I had had the guts with my first marriage. I knew it was all wrong beforehand. Well done you!

Remember, Lady Diana expressed doubt about her marriage (now we all know why) but was told her face was already printed on the tea-towels. Poor thing went ahead with it against her better judgement.

I think you are fantastic, really I do.

Now, about your feeling ill. YES! A bad relationship can destroy your mental and physical health. Listen to this video. It's an interview with Dr Christiane Northrup MD. She has worked in OB/GYN for 20 years and written several books and had problems like this before she knew what was going on.

Read her book DODGING ENERGY VAMPIRES. She says that many women who are in these relationship end up with autoimmune disease. I know I did.

You or Them: Reclaiming Your Health From Energy Vampires Before It's Too Late

I wish you all the best in life, OP. You've got guts and you are standing up for what you need. You are just brilliant. Have these

He won’t tell them what’s happened, he’s a fucking coward...he’ll slink off and mope about all the awful things I’ve done to him and then sadly, as a very attractive and charming man will move on to someone else who falls for the BS.

And this is why you have to tell everyone why the wedding is off. Everyone. Don't keep it secret, or let him make out that you cancelled because you are 'mad'. Things like a cancelled wedding stick, people talk, and if the reason behind why it was cancelled is public, then the news will get around and you might save some other poor woman the same trauma as you've suffered with this complete dick.

Good on you, girl.

OP you sound like a legend, and also a great mum.

Good for you and I hope you find true happiness once this blows over xxx

To quote Carrie Bradshaw: "Everyone else will just have to get over it."

Love it Adding this to my collection of useful quotes.

I feel so guilty about the money spent by others and destroyed a weekend for so many

Fuck their weekends. This is YOUR LIFE!

It's likely that inappropriate guilt feelings are why you put up with too much for too long in the first place. I know - I've been there! I would think about some therapy when all this is over. Build yourself up. You are worth it, OP.

Hang in there Meredith. You’re giving your dcs the best gift you could ever give them: a future without this plonker living under the same roof. One day you’ll look back and know this

I wouldn't be surprised if quite a few people will be relieved on your behalf. People who are close to you usually know if something is wrong with a relationship.

Well done OP

Keep reading your posts if you feel weakness!
Love the idea of the lady having hair and makeup done and going on the honeymoon

His family are an insufferable bunch of dicks too

This made me laugh, OP!

You are sooooo doing the right thing. At one stroke, you are eliminating so many awful people from your life.

Well done op. I married an abusive arsehole and then went through a horrible divorce. I remember sitting in the car on the way to the ceremony thinking "wtf am I doing" but I didn't have the strength to stop it.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

If you were a friend of mine or a family member I'd be very proud of your decision. Don't worry about him or his family just focus on you and your children. You can do this

OP good luck today, I suspect your ex will be back trying to force you to change your mind - he won't want to loose face and may also be panicking that his beating and cheating will be made public. His family are likely to be awful too, surround yourself with your friends and family. Every threat ex and family make will compound the fact that you've made the right decision, stay safe

I also married an arse even when i knew it wouldn't work out...2 years later i had to go through an expensive divorce....don't be me x

Well done op, it's a tough and brave decision you have made, and absolutely the right one.

I left a man I loved after many years because he was repeatedly violent and ive never regretted it.

You Are AMAZING!

Well done for having the strength to put a stop to this now, before you're married to him. So much easier in so many ways, despite this hiccup of having to cancel everything.

So proud of you, now I hope that you can stop feeling your insides writhing with worry!

Well done OP, your doing the right thing. Like others on here I went through with my wedding knowing it wouldn’t work, i was hoping someone else would stand up and stop it, we had a dd together and there were step children involved, I wasn’t brave enough to stop it. I put up with him for 11 years, he was financially controlling, grumpy and I began to hate being around him, for 5 years we slept in separate beds. I should never have married him. You are doing the right thing.

Think of the relief when all the practical bits are finally sorted. From your description of life with him, thank goodness you came to your senses.

I think it takes great courage to do what you are doing, not just cancelling the wedding but extricating yourself from a long-term abusive relationship that has clearly damaged you. Focus on the end pint,your freedom, and the happiness you deserve.

From what you've said, it looks like this is probably one of the best decisions you'll ever make. He sounds horrific.

Your kids should be so proud of their mum 

Well done OP. It takes courage to do what you’ve done. If your guests care about the money then they aren’t worth it.

I wish my best friend had done this on her wedding day. Instead roll on all these years later & she’s finally seen the light. Thing is we all knew what he was like so if she’d said I’m not sure we would have been behind her all the way. I best most of your guests feel the same.

Well done, seriously. You are braver than I was.
I had the broken furniture and glass doors, the being hit and the constant rows because I kept winding him up.

I really admire what you are doing.