I’ve got to cancel my wedding this weekend, I can’t marry him

[Wheresmeredithgrey]

I’ve just told my partner I can’t marry him this weekend. I can’t spend my life with him. For years I’ve been making excuse after excuse for him, building him up whilst I was fucking drowning and then today I just cracked. I nearly passed out in the city centre because I’m so drained, physically, emotionally. I hold up the whole family singlehandedly and I am made to feel constantly guilty.

We have both families coming, cousins, uncles, bridesmaids, groomsmen, work colleagues, friends, hotels, outfits, food, DJ’s, children, fucking flowers, elderly grandparents, all about to set soon to travel for our wedding that I can’t allow to happen.

What the fuck am I going to do.

My father asked me just before we went in through the church door if I was sure, and that if I wasn't, to tell him there and then - even with 200 people in the church and the champagne on ice chilling at home! It wouldn't matter, it had to feel right and be right for me - I loved that if I had said yes, he would have sorted everything out and wouldn't have been cross with me!

So well done you for being so brave and doing the right thing for you - if it didn't feel right, FAR better to have called it off beforehand. Be kind to yourself - and the people that love and care for you will do so whether you get married or not.....

I wish I had made the same decision as you with regards to my first marriage. You are very brave and strong and things will get better

didn't want to read and run. Best wishes OP

Sounds like you are braver and stronger than you think. Much better to end the relationship before marriage.

As others have said as your family and friends for support with the cancellation tasks. Then once that is down prioritise healing over this, again use friends and family

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. But it is the right decision.

Don't worry about disappointing people or negative reactions - just face it head on. People will react how they react. It's better to admit a mistake now than to go through with a sham for the sake of appearances.

I had to cancel a wedding - very, very different circumstances. But what I can say is that most people are very understanding.

The 2 couples anecdotally where one had serious pre wedding second thoughts both have awful marriages and they should have gone with their feelings - correct in both cases.

They thought they were going to attend a wedding and now they aren't = minor irritation. Marrying the wrong person = years of misery (and my word, given your list of "highlights" that is definitely the wrong person, however nice he may be in between). Anyone who is happy to wish years of misery on someone else just so their weekend goes to schedule is not the kind of person who deserves your consideration. I agree with pp that anyone who cares about you will be delighted and relieved.

Well done OP, you've been so brave and strong.

I knew I should have called it off but didn't have the courage so I went ahead with weak hope that things might get better once we tied the knot. But inevitably I suffered the same emotional abuse for another 2 years before I found the strength to leave, 2 more years of my DD seeing her mother reduced to a shell of a person with no sense of personal identity,cue a stressful and acrimonious divorce.

Your very brave for taking this step. You deserve better and your family will only want the best for you. Better now rather than years down the line.

Well done OP, bet you feel relieved now.

So much admiration for you, OP.

I wish I'd have had your balls, I changed my mind outside the church but knew I wasn't strong enough to do it, so I got married. I survived 5 years of abuse, bullying and only got the balls to leave when he slept with my 'best friend'

Do your side know that he cheated & hit you?

They ight want to come & celebrate if so!

Wow OP, you rock.

Congratulations on not only being amazingly brave but on taking the first steps to a new you and a happier life.

Take care, you did the right thing.

Well you are one brave woman.
Well done on calling it off.
Tell all your family why.
I'm glad your mum will help you.
You are gonna have a busy day today.
I had to call off my first wedding but it was 6 months before.
Big fallout but I knew it was totally the right thing to do.
Keep strong. Get everything cancelled.
Have a lovely weekend and then it's onwards and upwards.
RESPECT!!

What you have done is ABSOLUTELY the right thing. You know he is not the right one for you. The right one would never ever destroy a kitchen and blame you. Would never hit you. Would never cheat on you. You know this now before the wedding date. Too bl**dy right you need to cancel! Don't be one of those "I thought he would change after the wedding"...Nope he won't. It would only get worse.

Two weeks before my wedding, I tried to cancel it. He used emotional blackmail about what his parents would think of me - 'They'd be right about you.' He begged, threatened, the works. I was very young and went through with it. I haven't got a single smile on any of the photographs. I can tell you that the inevitable divorce is messy and you need to stick to your guns now.

Well done for being so strong and protecting yourself and your dc from this armpit of a male.

Speaking as someone whose parents booked for a cancelled wedding, they
Were in fact all of us coming were just relieved that she cancelled. They swapped for a sister hotel but even if they couldn't everyone agreed that we would have paid far more to see him gone. Those who love you wont mind, they will be relieved.

As a practical note if things like food are paid for you can get it redirected to your house, freeze some and use later.

Oh my lovely you are being so brave - well done.

Lean on your friends and your family. Be honest and enlist the help of anyone who offers.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

You are SO SO brave. Well done.

It's fairly common to hear people getting divorced say "i didn't want to marry him but it was too late i had to go through with it".

It is never too late until you say "i do".

Better to cancel now than during the vows.

Deep breath, stay strong. I'm sure half the people coming will be relieved for you.

He's gone? Result!
Make sure he can't get in again.
Have a happy life

You have obviously done the right thing - for you and for everyone else.

My best friend did this, but the only thing she actually cancelled was the church part.

She had her hair and make-up done, kept the reception, went on the honeymoon, alone and had a fabulous time. The 'guests' even let her keep the money gifts that they had given instead of physical gifts, which she spent on the 'honeymoon'.

She has not regretted a single day since.

'Hindsight' is a wonderful thing when it happens.

Well do Op, you may not feel very strong, but you are and brave too.

You are brave, you are strong and you are doing the right thing.
It will be tough but you'll get through it.
Good luck!

You're so brave, and well done. Hold your head high.

Well done to your mum too for rallying to your side.

Keep on slogging through the necessary tasks for the time being.