I’ve got to cancel my wedding this weekend, I can’t marry him

[Wheresmeredithgrey]

I’ve just told my partner I can’t marry him this weekend. I can’t spend my life with him. For years I’ve been making excuse after excuse for him, building him up whilst I was fucking drowning and then today I just cracked. I nearly passed out in the city centre because I’m so drained, physically, emotionally. I hold up the whole family singlehandedly and I am made to feel constantly guilty.

We have both families coming, cousins, uncles, bridesmaids, groomsmen, work colleagues, friends, hotels, outfits, food, DJ’s, children, fucking flowers, elderly grandparents, all about to set soon to travel for our wedding that I can’t allow to happen.

What the fuck am I going to do.

Well done, you are absolutely right not to marry this prick. If you have friends and family who can't cancel their hotel bookings but who are lovely and who you love. have a party that day instead. A Thank-Fuck-I'm-Shot-Of-Shitface party.

Oh dear. You're well out.

Text and email who you can, ask them to pass it on. Tell him to do one x

sounds like you doged a nasty poisionous bullet there!

You are so doing the right thing. Wish I had had your courage with my first marriage!

I'm with SGB, if the money has already been spent for the food can you have it delivered to another location for those who may still come and just have a family get together (even if you don't want to attend)?

Oh my dear, you've been so brave.

It's hard but right, you know that.

It will all come good. Mark my words. It will all come good. So don't fret. And don't feel guilty, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about.

Are you and the DC safe now, this weekend and in the future?

Well done on your bravery. The family and friends who care about you will only care that you've made the right decision, not about the lack of a wedding!

As others have said, I do hope you're safe tonight and for the next while.

OMG you have so done the right thing. You cannot marry that evil man.

Cancel everything, tell your mum, tell your friends and run for the hills. You don't need this knob in your life.

Well done for being brave.It can't have been easy. You have absolutely made the right decision - don't ever doubt that. It's the right decision for you and your children. Growing up in an abusive household does untold damage.

Take care

OP, you are amazing and I wish you all the very best.

To do this at such a late date must be so very, very hard but it is so very, very RIGHT. For you and for your children. Those who love and care for you will understand and stand behind you all the way. They are the ones you need to worry about now, no one else.

I made a decision when I was growing up, that if a man was to hit me that was it.
Well he took a piece of the kitchen cabinets and slapped it down on the counter and my whole life flashed in front of me.
I called my mother crying, her reply was why do you let him upset up.
His uncle came round and said, if you two are not getting on, you should split.
I took 6 weeks of week and too a long holiday, returned and sorted my life out. That was over 30 years ago and I have never looked back.
I saw my father beat my mother when we were growing up and that was my education. I am not sticking with no man once he raised his hand.
You have to love yourself self first before you can say I love you to someone else, even your children.
That was the best decision I have ever made. It was tough, but I survived and so can you.

Well done OP, you are very strong and very brave.

I was in much the same position with a manipulative, parasitic user of a man. I KNEW it was a mistake but was too scared of losing face not to go through with it. Mine sponged off me for years while giving money (and the 'benefit' of his puny dick) to his ex-wife, who had also remarried.

It was a messy, nasty divorce and I was a fool to have married him.

On the upside I then went on to have 17 amazing years with a wonderful man who I never expected to meet. Sadly he suffered a fatal heart attack a couple of weeks ago... but we had those years and every day with him was so special. There is a right man out there for you too, he will turn up when you least expect it xx

well done OP.

cantfindname I'm so sorry

You're absolutely doing the right thing.

Can I suggest

www.ncdv.org.uk

As well as women's aid. I've not used them myself but have read good things on here. Particularly for removal of unwanted housemates.

You may well find several people saying to you "thank fuck! We were so worried about you" or "I never did like him" (I got a fair few of those!) my exh could also be aggressive/violent but I blamed myself (he didn't even have to - I already had that perfected!)

I wish I'd had your courage. I've nc as people in RL know this.

I bumped into the brother of my ex-fiancé the week before I married my now ex-husband. It sparked thoughts and emotions I should have acted on. Not because I wanted to be back with ex-fiancé but because I knew I didn't want to be with husband-to-be.

I dismissed as 'pre-wedding jitters' - but I had nobody to talk to (my mum was a total fucking nightmare over the whole wedding!! She'd have killed me!).

On my wedding day I woke 2 hours before my alarm (and it was set early!) and my very first thought was

"What the fuck am i doing?"

That should not be what your first thought on your wedding day is.

I spent the entire day with my stomach in knots. Going through the motions.

He was an arse on honeymoon and it never really improved. The only good thing that came out of it was my DC.

It lasted less than 10 years and he cheated was why we broke up, but I suspect (and have some evidence) that he was cheating throughout our relationship.

I know this is an incredibly tough time for you.

But I am in awe of your courage.

This will be messy for a few days - it took me 2 2/2 years to get divorced it was fucking horrific! And expensive!

Well done you!

If I were one of the guests I'd think you hadn't made the decision lightly. Would reassure you that this is what matters and depending how close we were and if I had booked a room, I may still come and offer practical/emotional support.

You owe that pig nothing.

good on you for making your escape.
you'll look back with joy that you had the courage to get rid of the twat.
a better future lies ahead for you.
flowers

I bet your friends are relieved. I went to a wedding once (plus one, didn't know anyone) and found the bride crying-proper big snotty, hiccupy crying in the loo. I slipped out and told the chief bridesmaid. Her face just tightened and she muttered "bloody told her". I dragged BF away, but apparently there was a huge scene, mothers crying, groom shit faced and laughing, her father telling her she'd made a huge mistake, fil squaring up to df. They carried on despite this-divorced bitterly two years later.
Well done on not being that woman. Stay safe.

Don't keep it a secret what he's been like and how he has treated you.

He is a terrible role model for your DC.

Once you can be honest with yourself and with others about his behaviour you will be able to blossom.

Flowers can't bloom in a toxic environment.

Only have kindness and consideration in your life and theirs as that is the basis of happiness and peace.

You will get so much support from your nearest and dearest; once they know the truth they will be horrified you've suffered in silence all this time.

Have a ' I dodged a bullet ' party instead if you aren't able to get your money back!

It sounds like you have made the right decision. Good luck with sorting everything out over the next few days then you can start enjoying your life again.

Your family should feel very relieved you are not marrying this man, perhaps if they knew he had hit you and cheated they would not be rooting for you both at all, but rooting for you to leave.

Well done you. You have just escaped a life time of abuse.

for you

Well done for recognising your needs and putting you and the children first. They don’t deserve to be in a marriage, where their father is vile to their mother and drains the life out of her.

Don’t worry about the money other people have spent. If you married and divorced in a couple of years, they would still have spent the money on a marriage, which didn’t last as opposed to one, which didn’t take place.

As for what he and his family say, you understand them all to be pretty vile. Including him. You know the truth and that is all that matters.

Good luck

cantfindname so sorry for your loss.

You have made the right decision OP. This will be two days of horrible cancelling stuff and fielding phone calls. But far better that than a lifetime of living with someone that isn't for you.
Courage OP. Tell your mum and friend the whole truth. Everyone else can think what they like-it's not their life.

Youve done the right thing op. Have a happy life

you have done brilliant and actually thought ahead which i know many of us wish we did.
Id still turn up to reception with my mates and family and celebrate fucking off that dick..sorry for language.
Glad your still taking kids to hotel and like some have suggested im pretty sure alot of your guest will be glad that you never went through with it if your not happy and wont be bothered about the cancellation but more about how you feel..well done me girl

You're doing an amazing thing, I'm genuinely in awe of your bravery. Your family and friends love you and will be there for you. His family, pah! Who cares. You will be so glad you did this. Hope you can sort it with minimum hassle and have a lovely weekend with your children.

I have no practical advice that PPs haven't said already, but another WELL DONE and be proud you made the right decision for you. So much better now than later. You have the whole of the rest of your life ahead of you.