Am I being an unreasonable bridesmaid

[tethered19]

I am completely honoured to be a Bridesmaid for a dear friend. Her and her partner have worked incredibly hard on their wedding and I have no doubt it is going to be completely beautiful. She is of course excited and in full organising mode but, and here is the but, its exhausting. I have, up until this point, gone along with everything, its her wedding, her money and her plans, there is very little I wouldn't do to make her happy. My one and only issue is the Bridesmaid dress, its an odd fit and she doesn't want it altered- fine her choice. My issue is wearing a bra under, I have a very large chest for my frame and I feel incredibly uncomfortable without a bra on, the dress pushes them slightly under my arms and although it sounds like nothing I feel awful in it. she is worried that a bra will push my boobs up in to my face which I 100% don't want, I want a classy minimizer that doesn't show through the dress in any place that just makes me feel secure. despite communicating this and asking her to trust me, I am getting nowhere and instead am just being told I am being ridiculous and she doesn't see the issue. there are loads of bridesmaids and I think there are a few of us with this issue. The big day isn't till August and I have spoken to a seamstress who can ensure it isn't seen but she is adamant she doesn't want me wearing one. I don't want to feel uncomfortable all day and I actually feel with the dress as it is they will look more obscene. any suggestions or hints would be appreciated.

I vote for heart shaped 'topiary'.

I thought I’d read it all on here and then this! Wow. No underwear!! WTF? Tell her your boobs leak due to size so a bra is essential to avoid wet patches on the dress. Also tell her that you’ve looked at dates and there’s a high chance you’ll be on your period on her wedding day so knickers are a must. FFS. She’s psychotic!!

What I want to know is if the dress has built in B cups sown in how can you possibly wear it if you're an H?
I've tried those sorts of tops/dresses and they just don't fit.

She sounds awful. Brides should let bridesmaids wear slightly different dresses to suit their body shapes and so that they are comfortable imo. She should be grateful you are wearing her ill fitting dress at all.

If she moans when you tell her you have to wear a bra then say that you can't Wear the dress then. She is being unreasonable even raising it.

Good luck!

Are you (almost) me? Ill fitting dress, underwear angst, massive control freakery?

You can't be me, as I only have to wait till July to be deeply uncomfortable, but huge sympathies!

These bridezilla posts boil my piss; why do some women completely change personality at the mere scent of a veil!

How dare she even suggest what underwear you should wear or not wear. If the dresses don't fit and look shit, the guests will bitch about her poor choices, not the bridesmaids.

God if I had to go braless I'd be swinging every which way with added massive nips to boot!

Also the boob sweat, certain to come through at a warm wedding with posh fabrics...urgh.

When my bf got married bridesmaids had all different styles of dress to suit them, in the same fabric and colour. Worked so well, and even 10 years later I think I looked fab, as did everyone else.

I'm glad there's progress, cos friend has really gone bananas. Hopefully she'll see sense.

so basically she wants the pippa Middleton bridesmaid look lol..i really feel for you but would slyly wear what i wanted without her knowing.

I just wouldn't mention it. Just get dressed on the day into your chosen undercrackers. Boobzilla will be too busy to notice on I'm sure , even if she does she's hardly going to send you home.

I feel your pain, apparently there "wasn't time" at the end of the hen to grab my dress (which bride had brought there to give me) to take home. I'd just have to wait til wedding. All well and good but I knew when we tried on (7 months prior) that it would need to go to the tailors so I could do it up over my boobs. Just about had enough time to get the other BM to send it to me and get it altered and back in time to wear. I needed the right undies and help with the zip. Bride didn't seem to get it.

It's not about you causing a fuss and upstaging bride. It's about bride not giving a shit and then you upstaging her for all the wrong reasons- due to bridezillas own shit attitude.

Just nod agree right now then take a load of bras and knickers on the wedding day and sort yourself out as needed. With any luck she'll be busy bridezilla-ing about something else on the day and won't even notice your underwear when you're amongst the other 99 bridesmaids.

Let me guess, is she herself wearing a strapless number? Are her (9) bridesmaids objectively less good looking than her?
So lets see:
Dresses too big
Straps shortened for less skin
No bras to create any shape

Sounds like an insecure bitch who doesnt want anyone looking sexier than her.

It does rather sound like she wants everyone else to look like shit, so she looks fabulous by comparison!

Bra or no bra, I would be changing into another (wedding appropriate) outfit as soon as the ceremony and formal pictures are taken. One that you actually feel good wearing.

She sounds like a very tiresome woman and she is lucky that you've been so patient.

I had 4 bm (one dropped out as she was pregnant) out of the 3 left one hated the knee length as wasnt good for her legs so i got it taken up. One hated her boobs so i got straps added in the same material and one was ok so hers stayed the same. All the same dress but slightly different. Problem solved and 3 happy bm's. Your friend is being ridiculous.

She’s overstepped the line.
You say “they are my breasts, I feel like I want some support”.
If she still refuses, and thinks she can dictate your underwear, you pull out of bridesmaid duties.
How on earth anyone can think it’s ok to dictate to their friend what to do with their tits...... talk about bridezilla.

Your friend is bonkers. Yes it's her big day but she absolutely cannot dictate whether you want to wear a bra or not.

Ok so don’t wear a bra. Go find yourself a nice supportive body suit thing that’ll flatter your lines and hold the boulders. It’s not breaking the rules as it’s not a bra 😁

Your friend is being ridiculous and has no right to dictate your underwear. is she worried about being upstaged by your boobs? what I will say is that whilst I was 100% not bridezilla-ry (ask anyone, promise!) things that I was so set on on the run up to my wedding, I literally couldn't give a shit about on the day. All I cared about was being married. If you won't want to cause conflict on the run up, take some bras with you on the day and wear one. I'm assuming she won't stand and watch you all get dressed to ensure you only have pre-approved underwear on!

Let me get this straight. The bride wants you to wear a dress that doesn’t fit, without underwear. And you still want to be a bridesmaid at this wedding?

She’s being ridiculous and a bridezilla! What underwear you wear has got nothing to do with her! Just buy one and wear it. Don’t tell her.

She is totally mental. She doesn’t get to tell you that you can’t wear a bra! I bet she is jealous of your cleavage and is worried you will get more attention than her.

I think she can say please ensure underwear is appropriate, nobody has the right to tell you to wear no underwear. It is insane and inappropriate and just awful behaviour.

What on Earth did HR say when you asked if you could be a bridesmaid??

No bra. No bridesmaid.

She is being shockingly selfish and unreasonable. I would be looking at her in a whole new light that she's being so insistent on this even though she knows you won't be comfortable, physically or emotionally about it.

I'm still trying to work out why she thinks VPLs on her bridesmaids are going to have an impact on her wedding. Is she picturing the ceremony being disrupted by gasps of horror from her guests as they realise her bridesmaids are wearing knickers?