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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being an unreasonable bridesmaid

208 replies

tethered19 · 11/06/2018 11:26

I am completely honoured to be a Bridesmaid for a dear friend. Her and her partner have worked incredibly hard on their wedding and I have no doubt it is going to be completely beautiful. She is of course excited and in full organising mode but, and here is the but, its exhausting. I have, up until this point, gone along with everything, its her wedding, her money and her plans, there is very little I wouldn't do to make her happy. My one and only issue is the Bridesmaid dress, its an odd fit and she doesn't want it altered- fine her choice. My issue is wearing a bra under, I have a very large chest for my frame and I feel incredibly uncomfortable without a bra on, the dress pushes them slightly under my arms and although it sounds like nothing I feel awful in it. she is worried that a bra will push my boobs up in to my face which I 100% don't want, I want a classy minimizer that doesn't show through the dress in any place that just makes me feel secure. despite communicating this and asking her to trust me, I am getting nowhere and instead am just being told I am being ridiculous and she doesn't see the issue. there are loads of bridesmaids and I think there are a few of us with this issue. The big day isn't till August and I have spoken to a seamstress who can ensure it isn't seen but she is adamant she doesn't want me wearing one. I don't want to feel uncomfortable all day and I actually feel with the dress as it is they will look more obscene. any suggestions or hints would be appreciated.

OP posts:
JosBoys · 11/06/2018 11:56

If you know where she bought the dress, can you go into the shop (with a selection of bras) and try on the same dress? (or even try it on in a different shop). Then at least you will know which bra will fit best on the day.
She seems to be concerned that you're going to look like busty wenches and that the straps are going to spoil the line of the dress.
I wouldn't argue with her. I'd just ensure I had a bra that minimised and no straps were visible. Slip into the toilet to change if you're all getting dressed together on the day.

AllStar14 · 11/06/2018 11:56

How would she even know you were wearing a bra of the dress would hide it?

AllStar14 · 11/06/2018 11:56

If ffs

tethered19 · 11/06/2018 11:56

I am thinking of composing a message

OP posts:
Buxbaum · 11/06/2018 11:56

Nine adult bridesmaids?! Yikes.

Anyway - that is completely mad. She can't 'forbid' anybody to wear a bra. I'd genuinely resign from the role (if that is even a thing...?) over this.

MsHomeSlice · 11/06/2018 11:57

she needs telling!

Sit her down and tell her she is a joke of a bridezilla. Ridiculous woman

besides which...13 attendants...that is SURELY unlucky and a bad omen.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 11/06/2018 11:57

Steeley don't you mean Brazilla!!??

PatchworkElmer · 11/06/2018 11:58

Just wear a bra. End of.

KirstenRaymonde · 11/06/2018 11:58

You absolutely need to compose a message. How can she think this is acceptable?

Shadow666 · 11/06/2018 11:59

Just tell her that you're not going braless and that's all there is to it. She can come up with a resolution or you'll drop out.

Orchidflower1 · 11/06/2018 11:59

I’d buy several( - not yet as exchange will be too late, maybe in a month) keep receipts and take back what doesn’t work. Arrive on the day with sewing kit and tit tape. In the mean time say nothing but smile and nod. I’m sure you must be trying on said dresses again before wedding- what if you’ve gained/ lost weight- it’s 6 weeks yet?! That could be an opertubity to show her it looks better with a bra. It’s a strange thing to want to control!? Is she envious of your cleavage?!

LunaTrap · 11/06/2018 12:01

She has no right to dictate whether or not you wear a bra, and a H cup? I'm a G and would never go braless! Tell her she is being ridiculous trying to tell you what underwear you are allowed.

Littlechocola · 11/06/2018 12:03

She sounds awful
Wear a bra

Lweji · 11/06/2018 12:03

Honestly, just tell her that you're wearing a bra or you're not wearing the dress. End of.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/06/2018 12:03

Wow, now I really do think I've heard everything! Who the fuck tries to dictate what sort of undewear bridesmaids wear, unless she's planning on you having it on show (clearly not in this case!)

No no no no no.
Rude rude rude.

I only have probably E cup boobs now (I think, it varies depending on style) but no way would I go without support - that's a horrible feeling! And you're not going to be able to move your arms properly if your boobs are squashed into your armpits, how stupid!

She's mad.
Compose a message by all means, but she's not going to agree - I think you're just going to have to turn up with the bras and refuse point blank to go without.

Damn, that's weird!

CoraPirbright · 11/06/2018 12:03

Unless she is actually going to be in the room overseeing you putting your dresses on, I would take a couple of bras, test them out when getting ready and wear the one that you feel is best. I bet she wont even notice! She has NO right to dictate your underwear. Ths is absolutely nuts!!

ferrier · 11/06/2018 12:04

She's mad, clueless and inconsiderate.
I dread to think what the knickers issue is.

FreshStartToday · 11/06/2018 12:05

I'd be tempted to take Orchid's line, and just try it on with a nice bra and see if she notices. However, you may not want to risk a tantrum on the day, so in advance, something like . . .

Dear X

I love you and your wedding is going to be beautiful. However I can't spend the day with my tits under my armpits. If you want me to pull out of being a bridesmaid, then I can happily be part of the congregation and will still love you and support you. If you want me to be a bridesmaid still, I will happily show you how I can feel comfy on the day, at the next fitting - without having a huge cleavage, honest!

Best of luck.

Jammycustard · 11/06/2018 12:06

If someone walked away from me after I’d tried to discuss this, I’d be out.

clumsyduck · 11/06/2018 12:06

Be a cold day in hell before anyone ever told me what underwear I could wear!!!!

Get her told she is being ridiculous and selfish

sleepingdragons · 11/06/2018 12:06

My back hurts if I don't wear a bra for ages. No way would I not wear one!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 11/06/2018 12:08

Her and her partner have worked incredibly hard on their wedding

This tells me all I need to know Grin

You wear whatever underwear you want OP. If she whinges on the day just ignore her. She’ll have to sack you as a bridesmaid on the day if she doesn’t like it.

LagunaBubbles · 11/06/2018 12:08

9 bridesmaids and 4 flower girls in total

9?? Who needs 9 bridesmaids in the first place! She cant dictate to you and its such a weird things to be Bridezilla about.

aeromint · 11/06/2018 12:09

Bra-zilla, really! OP, YADNBU. Tell your friend you are not comfortable appearing in public, without your underwear. If she throws a hissy fit, you know what you should do.

Lweji · 11/06/2018 12:10

Bra-zilla
Grin

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