Am I being an unreasonable bridesmaid

[tethered19]

I am completely honoured to be a Bridesmaid for a dear friend. Her and her partner have worked incredibly hard on their wedding and I have no doubt it is going to be completely beautiful. She is of course excited and in full organising mode but, and here is the but, its exhausting. I have, up until this point, gone along with everything, its her wedding, her money and her plans, there is very little I wouldn't do to make her happy. My one and only issue is the Bridesmaid dress, its an odd fit and she doesn't want it altered- fine her choice. My issue is wearing a bra under, I have a very large chest for my frame and I feel incredibly uncomfortable without a bra on, the dress pushes them slightly under my arms and although it sounds like nothing I feel awful in it. she is worried that a bra will push my boobs up in to my face which I 100% don't want, I want a classy minimizer that doesn't show through the dress in any place that just makes me feel secure. despite communicating this and asking her to trust me, I am getting nowhere and instead am just being told I am being ridiculous and she doesn't see the issue. there are loads of bridesmaids and I think there are a few of us with this issue. The big day isn't till August and I have spoken to a seamstress who can ensure it isn't seen but she is adamant she doesn't want me wearing one. I don't want to feel uncomfortable all day and I actually feel with the dress as it is they will look more obscene. any suggestions or hints would be appreciated.

BadTasteFlump
The tampon rule or the pill rule, surely you wouldn't be so rude as to have a period when your friend wants you underwear free for her wedding

Oh god she sounds insane, I am a 34F and noway would I have that. Omg she wants you with no knickers, that would be a no no. She cannot dictate wearing underwear. I would resign over this, my dignity is more important.

It is personal and intrusive, as another poster stated. When I got married, noway would I dictate such a thing, I would end up loosing my bridesmaids.

Right further to my previous softly softly advice- should that fail you could just rock up in one of these!

I think she is being totally unreasonable.

However, my experience of people who are this controlling and get into this kind of sense is that there is no reasoning with them.

I am wondering if there is an alternative that you could use surreptitiously - tit tape or an adhesive bra - that she wouldn't even know you were wearing?

*state not sense

I would be telling her that I am wearing knickers for my own dignity and a strapless bra.

This is not about trust. This is about your underwear. Which is non negotiably your realm!! I have no idea what underwear my bridesmaids wore, it was none of my bloody business.
I'd be tempted to wear a bra on the OUTSIDE of the dress if she carries on. Swan in and ask if it's visible.

She's lost the plot ! It would be bra or resign from being a BM for me.

OP she is being completely unreasonable.

Imagine all of you 9 didn't wear underwear as directed can you image the photos of some of you later falling out of your dresses showing breasts and bums? These would end up doing the rounds on social media and she would just have a go at you all for spoiling her wedding day.

Tell her clearly that all the adult bridesmaids need to wear decent underwear to ensure on her wedding day that there are no photos of any of her bridesmaids falling out of their dresses.

Is she very insecure about the size of her own breasts and concerned about being upstaged? Or just fully unhinged?

This is insane. My sister wore a bra with her bridesmaid dress, you could see the straps a bit but it wasn't that noticeable and my wedding was not ruined

I don't think she can dictate that you don't wear a bra. I'd just say that you don't want to fall out about it but it's your body and you never go braless and aren't willing to now.

Ordering her boss not to wear a bra is an entirely new level of Bridezilla...

She'll be upstaged all right if you do a Judy Finnegan in the wedding photos! Maybe point this out.

Or tell her that walking/dancing without support will injure your back, and your physio says not to do it.

As for no knickers, I'd give up trying to talk and just resign. She's clearly lost the plot.

What did Judy finnegan do? Goes off to google.

She doesn't want you wearing a bra or knickers?

Is she hosting a wedding or an orgy?

@CristalTipps how to get your own back on your boss.

Wedding or and orgy

Just seen the pics of Judy from 2000 with her top open in a wardrobe failure.

Take a selection of bras and discretely get dressed in private on the day. The bride will be far too busy getting herself ready she won’t be inspecting your underwear. YANBU

I would ask her which she would prefer - a low key invisible bra that will minimise your assets or no bra, loose dress and a high risk that one or both boobs will decide to make an unexpected and unwanted but impossible to stop appearance...

And remember to point out that you will be really uncomfortable without a bra on (and if you're anything like me - look fat and flabby without a bra on as there's just shapeless flesh filling out your top and under your arms...) and point out again that she is asking you to be in pain (and maybe over egg this a bit to get across how much she is asking of you).

She's very out of order for dictating what you can and can't wear, especially in terms of underwear. You need to feel comfortable and you simply won't in a dress that isn't fitting right.
(I said to my bridesmaid that everything was up to her, hair, shoes, accessories (she never wears makeup so that's irrelevant), even the colour and style of the dress. I showed her what I liked, but said the final decision was hers and I'd work her bouquet around her decision. If she'd preferred a completely different colour or style dress I really would not have minded at all).

Such a good point about going knickerless and periods - can you imagine someone with a heavy flow? Doesn't bear thinking about, now that would certainly ruin the visuals as the bridesmaids flow up the aisle behind the bride. As for bras, I imagine Brazilla thinks that the inbuilt bra cups are sufficient for purpose?

Sorry to say but it won't get better. It will get worse. She's only cross because the other bm agrees. (As an aside, 9 bms - how big is the wedding!!!)

She simply cannot dictate underwear. It's so past being unreasonable. I would be really straight and say I want to support you but I will be miserable in no pants and bra. My bra won't show and I'm happy to get it altered but I'm wearing it or I'm sorry I can't wear the bm dress. Then say nothing else. Stay comfortable with a long silence. Then whatever she says just say I simply can't go bra less. Balls in her court then.

Utterly bonkers!

She is being a right cow, have you tried perkys? they are a sort of tape that lifts the boobs and you can stick on the nipple covers and they hold your breasts up without a bra, I use them and find them great they cater for larger breasts too! I had a bride that made her bridesmaid wear a dress too small for her chest all because she wouldn't pay the extra 30pound to get the larger size and the poor girl was so uncomfortable all day it was really lousy. Try the perkys, she wont even know you have them on.