DP moving in and debts. Am i being unfair?

[Humbugington]

Been with my partner about 12 months, we were planning on him moving in before the end of the year (september october time).

We have had a few small discussions recently about finances, how it would work etc. Everytime we do he tells me about a littlw bit more debt he "thought i knew about"

He pays £600 a month on his car by the time hes paid finance and insurance etc. (Its a stupid pride and joy car that can apparently only have the best parts and shell fuel etc.)
He also has a £3000 credit card debt and pays his mum back £200 a month for a £20000 loan for solicitors when things with his ex broke down (he has a 3 yr old son)
His phone is also on a £60 month contract.

This month after all his bills were paid he had £100 left to buy food and petrol

I am a single mum to a 18 month old, i work part time and get UC. I work really hard to stay out of debt. I have none and would like to keep it that way.

So i said maube we should put off him moving in for a bit until he gets his debts in better order. He said he can pay his debts off quicker though if he moves in because he wont be paying rent and stuff and then we can start saving for a.mortgage sooner etc. He also says he got the debt before he got with me and there is nothing he can do contracts hes tied into to (i suggested he sell his car and get a cheap run around)

I kind of see his point but i still feel like its just dragging me into all his debt which feels messy and makes me uncomfortable. AIBU to want him to clear his debt a bit first?

You are kidding. Priority No. 1 should be the person you want to live with, not a car. The car goes, he clears his debt, starts to save and then, with spare cash you can start saving to do things together. Boring but practical.

But Fokker that's not what he wants.
He wants free board and lodging and free fucks, while he keeps all his toys.

Please GOD don't move this man in.
He has NOTHING to bring to the table and you will end up very badly in debt.
He is a classic sponger, I was married to one and ended up thousands in debt.
You deserve better than this and your children must come first.
He sounds pathetic, I could not respect a man like this.
When was the last time he was ever responsible for rent or bills if ever.

He wants free board and lodging and free fucks, while he keeps all his toys

Oh yes. Yes he does.

Even if he agrees to it on day/week/month one - he will not keep it up - and then you will be in a right tangle - do not step into this. He doesnt share your values and is a cocklodger that has targeted you. Kick him to the kerb - you are worth way more than this.

Too many red flags.

Loads of existing debt (that you know about)
Still poor irresponsible money management (despite debt)
Sense of entitlement
Gas lighting you
Saying its not fair

I’m single, no children and I wouldn’t enter into that agreement. No fucking way.

Op make sure he doesn’t almost move in or move in by stealth, so that you realise he is nominally living elsewhere but actually staying with you enough to compromise your single status wherever it counts, using all your food/heating/water/etc and not paying anything at all towards the costs you’re incurring because of him...

I suspect that once he realises the OP means it, he’ll move on anyway.

Well done! There are far worse things than not having a man...having a penniless one for example.
You have to be really careful in a relationship with someone in debt, it seems to be catching and before you know it, you’re in deb5 too.

Well done OP.

This OP has hopefully saved herself from this cocklodger but how many single mums are being taken in by similar twatbadgers, I wonder?