Husband and prostitute

[MrsGaslighted]

I've been with my perfect husband 25 years. Really wish I'd seen mumsnet 8 months ago, before I saw the text on his phone arranging an appointment with a hooker, and had not shown my hand. I confronted him straight away and was told he was never going to go through with it. I now know about 'the script'
I have done a hell of a lot of digging since but he has outright denied everything. I have so much circumstantial evidence but can't prove a bloody thing and I think I am going mad!!

I would focus now on securing the financials as much as possible. Ducks in a row, as you say.

Yes getting ducks in a row!

If my friend told me this I would question why she didn't leave months ago!

I think it was WhatsApp. Remembering more stuff, I only downloaded it this year and noticed he had been on it. He said he just checked it now and then. I had a meeting booked and the day before he was on it loads but there were no messages. I don't really know how WhatsApp works, I know it put everyone from my phone in there so I checked his but couldn't see her number. Or anyone I didn't know.
The meeting got cancelled but I now think he was probably arranging something

I’m sure if your daughter ended up with someone who was visiting (or strongly considering visiting) sex workers your OH would want to kill the guy for having so little respect for his daughter. The fact he thinks it’s ok to treat you like that is dispicible

Yes he had booked through the site. Although he remains adamant to this day that he never met anyone. So he's still lying to me. Not that I care anymore obviously.

I also found a used condom in our bathroom when we were moving house. Again i got lies. Even to the point where he said we used it! We hadn't used them for years.

He was on swingers sites and dogging sites.

Then had the cheek to batter me when I said I was leaving him because I had met someone else.

However our marriage had been over long before I met DP. And nothing actually happened until I ended it with exh because even after all that I couldn't cheat on him!

I had an awful lot of epiphany moments too, the smelling fresh one happened to me and he said he had used deodorant before leaving work, another one was when I remembered not being able to contact him so calling work and them not being able to track him down, A time when he had a scratch on his chest that he blamed on the bloody cat (who is the laziest, least likely to scratch animal in the world)
Those moments actually make my heart beat really fast and I get almost panicky.
MrsG, I have been thinking of you loads the last few days, hoping your story works out better than mine.

As an aside- I did an STI home test as I was so afraid to face a clinic and actually speak to people, I am happy to share the details of the company who did it for me if you like.

Frosty you are so right about the daughter thing too. I have thrown that one at my useless h and he cried (he does a lot of that- pathetic fool). Mine claims to hate who he became and that he was in a hideous place where he was completely isolated from real life. Twat, That is called being a selfish immoral dick.

Thank so much to the 3 of you who have been through this. Your support is invaluable. I'm sorry you've had to suffer this but in a weird way it's comforting to know I'm not alone. I think the reason I want proof is so he can't deny it any more. What hurts almost as much as this is the fact I cried my eyes out (and I never cry) and said I thought I was going insane . He said that my paranoia was affecting him. I said that maybe I should go to the doctor, he hugged me and said he would come with me.
I know I'm right because of her insisting on a phone call, and the WhatsApp activity the day before my meeting. I'm done whatever happens but I would still like nothing more to actually know for sure what the fuck has gone on, and ran it down his throat.

I totally understand the need for proof, to know exactly what has been going on, to work out when it all happened. Although it hurts like hell you just somehow need to know. I was the same.

Be prepared for the minimising from him as things progress.

Also, please know that this has nothing to do with you, not a jot. It is all him- fragile egoed man getting older and needing some kind of pathetic fake affirmation that he is still attractive. Ridiculous really- I mean as if paying somebody says anything but ‘pathetic’.

I had print screens of the emails and yet he still lied to me.

Some men just don't give a fuck. It's okay for them to cheat but a women gets given an out and she's the big bad bastard.

Can’t believe he’s trying to turn it around on you by saying your paranoia is affecting him and you need to see a doctor.
I’m sure he’d love it if he found messages on your phone trying to book some hot guy for sex

I had no proof. A gut feeling. We had been together 20 years. He denies still that he has done anything wrong but is marrying the whale (OW) later this year. If it wasn’t for MN and having read the script I would have fought to save my marriage. Chucked him out the day he said I don’t know if this is what I want and I haven’t spoken to him since except via a solicitor.
Your relationship with your husband will never be the same from now on. I guess this is the man you trusted with your life. Only you know if you can live like that.
I’ll be honest I have 2 wonderful adult children, a job I love, fantastic friends and hobbies which take up a lot of my spare time. I still get lonely and feel very alone sometimes

I really wish I had seen mumsnet before this happened. I bought everything he said. It was only when the other stuff (Instagram, WhatsApp deleting history) happened that I googled and cane across the stories on here. I'd blown up and given it all away by then.
I'm acting like it's fine at the moment. He said earlier that one of us needs to go to a conference for 2 nights next week and do I want to go. I think everything has an ulterior motive now. So yes I'll go.
And watch the tracker.

.....and you are all really strong. Ending what seemed like a perfect marriage is heartbreaking but you all prove to me that there is no other option. And no, it's not my fault, I've been a good wife to him.

If he's able to txt then he knows her quite well. I know friends of friends in the sex industry and it's a fact that most don't take bookings via txt you have to call but once they know you it's more acceptable to txt for appointments.

You are unlikely to get proof, I think.

Also, why are your actions towards yourself different from what you would advise others? So you think you are worth any less?

I don't think I'm worth less. I just think I was worth too much for this to be True.
I have to fave the facts. My husband issues prostitutes, and that kills me.

*uses

Of course, you aren't.

You may get the facts and you may not.

Morning, actuallly the not taking bookings. By text is not actually true, lots or escorts will book straight by text. Just maybe an exchange of three or four texts believe it or not and then a call as the client approaches for the house or flat number. So unsafe really. MrsG, i wish I was strong, believe me I didn’t often feel it early on. I still can’t believe my h behaved like that, it is like the man I married doesn’t exist anymore. I have been totally blown away by the sheer number of married men who do this, apparently it is one in six?

Stay strong op

Thank you labra, I'll try

Newer - like you said, the amount of escorts on those horrible sites is mind blowing. Which means the number of men doing this must be too. I've given up trying to figure it out. It's not like he doesn't get it at home so it must be some ego thing.
It's just awful not knowing what has gone on, or how long. Like you I don't feel like he's the man I married.
I'm guessing he's not going to stop his little hobby. I made the mistake of confronting him with everything I found and he denied it. This also means he knows where I'm looking so he will have to change tactics. I'm not relying on catching him to end it. But it would be satisfying to tell him that I absolutely know.
We are meant to be going away in the summer to celebrate the end of DDs exams and his mums 70th. The fallout from this is going to affect so many people. He must know this but decides his grubby shag with a hooker is more important than his whole family. I'm so angry!

Sorry this is happening. You sound a strong person. Lots of luck.

I'm really sorry you're going through this OP. I don't have much advice.... other than if you suspect he is using whatsapp rather than texting, but can't see any messages, they may be in his archived chats.

Go into 'chats' then pull the screen down and 'archived chats' will show. these are convos that haven't been deleted, they just don't show on the main screen. Only a little tip if you didn't know it was there.
Hope your DD's exams are going well. Stay strong x

If you ladies need to know what and how your partners go about hiding their little hobby from you. Just google UKpunting you will be surprised at how far these men go.

Beaver- been there and seen it all before- it is vile! As are all those men