Husband and prostitute

[MrsGaslighted]

I've been with my perfect husband 25 years. Really wish I'd seen mumsnet 8 months ago, before I saw the text on his phone arranging an appointment with a hooker, and had not shown my hand. I confronted him straight away and was told he was never going to go through with it. I now know about 'the script'
I have done a hell of a lot of digging since but he has outright denied everything. I have so much circumstantial evidence but can't prove a bloody thing and I think I am going mad!!

Bless you MrsG stay strong and try to enjoy having your friend to stay

Thinking of you MrsG ,have no advice but just sending you best wishes and strength to face the horrible situation your husband has put you in,through no fault of your own.
💐💐🌼🌷🌷🌷💐💐🌼

Hi, i have read the whole thread and i am so sorry you have been put through this.

Try not to stress about knowing exact details as it wont change anything nor the outcome. I'm glad you found the strength to leave him.

Stay strong

my brain seems obsessed with knowing exactly what he was doing and for how long

Once again completely understandable, though I'm sure you've realised there's no way he'll ever risk spoiling his victimhood narrative by telling you

I very much hope his parents are restraining themselves from poisoning the kids' minds with too much "poor dad", though fortunately they're old enough to think for themselves. I also wonder about them taking a big part in facilitating contact with him ... in view of his initial lack of contact with them, what has he been doing off his own bat to see the kids?

It's all a bit of a rollercoaster while you build a new normality of course, but trust me that you WILL get there. In the meantime, stay strong and have a lovely weekend with your friend

Thanks everyone.
Puzzled - he hadn't made any contact with the kids at all. His mum said he was so ashamed that she was worried he would kill himself rather than face them. I'm glad that the first contact is out of the way. I've told the kids that they can text or call him whenever they like, I don't see it as taking sides. I used a comment that someone posted on here. That he's been a poor husband to me but he can still be a good dad to them.
His mum cane round to tell me about the meeting and to bring me a shepherds pie! She said that he has behaved horribly to me and she doesn't recognise him, I said it's been a shock to us all, and that she's his mum so I know she wants to help him. But because of what he's done I will never take him back. We seem to be doing ok on that front now.

You must be relieved to have got things on a reasonably even keel with MIL, MrsG - at least, as far as you can - but how disappointing that he left it to mummy to arrange time with the DCs (and perhaps to attempt a little emotional blackmail with her worries about him killing himself?). Even a "victim" - yeah, right ) - has agency and some responsibility for themselves, so it's a shame he put his own discomfort above the kids' need to see him

It's perhaps fortunate that they're old enough to form their own opinions rather than youngsters whose views can be more easily moulded, but FWIW I think you're doing all you can and handling this brilliantly

Ive had a bit of progress thanks to his parents. They have offered to buy me out of his half of the house out in exchange for whatever I could claim from the business. And that really situs me so much to be mortgage free and stay here. He has no pension, no savings that are secret. He will pay me 1500 pcm for the kids and bills. I'm really happy with this, will have to get it legally drawn up. Had a half hour meeting with one solicitor but not impressed. May pay for an hour appt with one.

I'm really glad that things are moving in the right direction for you!
How are you feeling in yourself?

thinking of you op.

Do not accept any financial arrangement without talking it through with a shit hot lawyer. If they think the deal is amazing, get it locked down whilst the guilt is still foremost in his mind. Because you can bet he will become less inclined towards being nice as time goes on...

Chin up lass you’re doing really well under the circumstances

I'm doing ok thanks. Still gutted that my best friend and literally other half who I loved completely would do this to me. My only interest is the kids

He's whatthefox I will get it all
Legally seem to. Looks very fair so far x

What sensible inlaws. Good to see them not blindly defending him.

So glad you are in the right track re finances. The fact your ILs are involved in the business means your H can’t really mess you about. It sounds like they want to be fair.

However, I suspect any solicitor worth their salt will enouncourage you to push further. Your ILs are offering half a house “in exchange for whatever you can claim from the business”, any lawyer will want to ensure you are not entitled to more. So you need to think if you want to start looking into how much the business is worth etc. (If it’s a Limited company, you can find this out by looking at Companies House and seeing last few years Filed Accounts)
I personally would be happy to take the house and maintence and to have a quick “friendly” settlement. But others may not be.

So glad things are starting to move with the finances, but definitely agree you need a lawyer to look carefully at this before you agree anything. It's true they could be offering a decent deal while the "hasn't he been awful" phase lasts, but it's equally possible they might hope you'll accept less than you're entitled to while you're naturally feeling very upset

I suppose what I'm really saying is that, no matter how things appear, never forget they're his parents and will ultimately put his interests first

I'd have asked why they're putting this to you instead of him, but doubtless they'll claim he's too "ill" and "traumatised" to cope

I am posting again to agree with PP. I know it’s tempting to jump at the offer of the house but please look at the whole picture. You need to take into account your share of the business, pensions, investments like stocks and shares etc. Has your very very very good lawyer told you the house is all you can expect? I fully admit that if this was me I’d go for the jugular

Your ILs will be keen not to disrupt their business, will want to do this cleanly and swiftly, so that maybe it is brushed under the carpet and they save face - don't assume that any level of "fairness" is in your best interests.

Oh, and unless you already know every last detail, a decent lawyer will almost certainly request further information about the business

When and if that happens - and when PIL's realise you won't automatically roll over - do be prepared for a possible change in attitude

Yes I think you are all right. I was so excited about the thought of owning my house and having a paid for roof over our heads, that I didn't think that they may be concerned about me having rights to the business. I assumed they were trying to carve it up between us in the cleanest, fairest way possible. I am making a list of all of your points to take with me to the solicitor.
I saw one for the free half hour consultation but didn't really find out more than I have seen online. I am paying for an hour with a solicitor that a old work friend of mine used. She raved about them so I will go along and ask. I am grateful that my mum and his mum have helped me but I kind of feel like the decisions are being made for me. This will make me feel more in control.
Thanks for all the support and good advice.

I kind of feel like the decisions are being made for me

Never let others do that, OP; advise, perhaps (and only then when you're certain they'll put you first), but not decide. The beauty of a decent lawyer is that they'll give you totally unbiased information based not on family ties, emotions and all the rest, but on facts and nothing else

And I don't want to accuse folk I don't know of bad faith, but remember that your excitement over the house just might have been something they were all counting on ...

If he has shares in the business then you would probably be entitled to half of his shares, which could be a lot depending on how well the company is doing. I'm sure that you don't want half of his shares, it would be a pain to be tied to the business, but you ought to at least have some idea of how much they are worth before you agree for him to keep them. Plus, you will have to give up working for them so you should be looking for some sort of termination agreement to tide you over until you find a new job.

@MrsGaslighted I really can’t believe how strong you are being .
You have been so gracious. I think you’re very wise to go seek advice from a solicitor before accepting anything , some really good points made by Pp’s.

Stay determined , we’re all supporting you xx

You might be better drawing an income for life from a potentially increasing business, then paying the mortgage for the other half of the house, from that income.