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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband and prostitute

539 replies

MrsGaslighted · 03/06/2018 02:06

I've been with my perfect husband 25 years. Really wish I'd seen mumsnet 8 months ago, before I saw the text on his phone arranging an appointment with a hooker, and had not shown my hand. I confronted him straight away and was told he was never going to go through with it. I now know about 'the script'
I have done a hell of a lot of digging since but he has outright denied everything. I have so much circumstantial evidence but can't prove a bloody thing and I think I am going mad!!

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 03/07/2018 13:01

“Trollop”? Hmm
Well your STBXH should know.
“a vulgar or disreputable woman; especially : one who engages in sex promiscuously or for money”

He is a misogynist and a hypocrite. Please don’t use his vile word to describe her.

Kualabear · 03/07/2018 13:09

Jesus. OP has had an experience that most of us can't even imagine and uses a throw away word to describe a neighbour and the righteous police are on her back. Cut her some slack.

NameChange30 · 03/07/2018 13:13

If I’m the “righteous police” who made you the thread police?!

It’s not a “throwaway word”, it’s a misogynistic insult that’s come straight from the mouth of the cheating bastard that’s caused the OP so much pain.

Supporting her includes challenging her if necessary.

Kualabear · 03/07/2018 13:16

Not the tread police, just a request to empathise with someone, very brave, who has come on here for support at a very difficult time.

NameChange30 · 03/07/2018 13:26

You’re so patronising it’s ridiculous.

RTFT and tell me I haven’t been empathising.

Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 03/07/2018 13:30

It's fine. Trollop is just a word I was using for a joke. I don't mean her any offence.
Although if she has been at it with my husband then that will be the tamest name she gets called.

OP posts:
Ooogetyooo · 03/07/2018 13:35

Have just read your thread from start to finish and I'm in awe of your strength that's coming through, you probably don't feel like it but you sound like you've got this in hand. My mum had a similar story with my dad after 30 yrs married. She's unrecognisable now her life got kickstarted over again she eventually remarried and is extremely content and happy. You will be again. Eventually.

rainbowstardrops · 03/07/2018 13:50

What an utter bastard!!!! Well I hope all his secret shags were worth losing his family over.
Twat.

RatRolyPoly · 03/07/2018 13:58

Every single shred of bad that comes from this is on him OP. I'm so very sorry Flowers

Well done for not succumbing to the notion that you're a hysterical crazy. It would be so easy to lose yourself in the face of such deception from someone you think you know so well. But you're out the other side now and you're back in the real world. Good on you - you got there!

Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 03/07/2018 15:02

Thank you
His mum is coming round in a bit. Not heard from them since I told her where he was yesterday.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 03/07/2018 15:17

Urgh. That's gonna be tough op. Sending you strength Flowers

KeziaOAP · 03/07/2018 16:29

Hope he didn't take the cowards way out and told them the truth.

SandyY2K · 03/07/2018 17:20

,OP has had an experience that most of us can't even imagine and uses a throw away word to describe a neighbour and the righteous police are on her back. Cut her some slack.*

I agree. I often see this on MN and just SMH. Support the OP or move on. It's quite annoying picking at things like that.

SandyY2K · 03/07/2018 17:21

Although if she has been at it with my husband then that will be the tamest name she gets called.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/07/2018 17:44

I really hope it goes okay when his mother comes round, MrsG Flowers

I also hope he's told them the truth, but somehow I'm not very confident about that ...

lacoba66 · 03/07/2018 18:50

Mrs G, I have been following your thread from the start, but have not contributed as you have had a lot of good advice.

I am truly sorry that you have had to endure that your STBXH has behaved like such a .......... (fill in as you wish!)

Two things I would like to add are - the folder on his iPhone labelled A- is most likely to do with adult work.

The second thing is that when my ex did this, he also minimised everything. I rather foolishly accepted what he told me (he also told me that I had mental health problems Hmm but it was when I received a missed call/voicemail that was a 2 minute detailed (accidental?) recording of him at a meeting with one of his sex workers, that I saw the light (couldn't really not at that stage!)

Your STBXH does not have an addiction, he has an entitlement issue!

I am in awe of you, as to you have handled this so far. It is tough, but you will get through this, and you sound as though you have a great supportive network.

P.s I got bladdered quite a few times, so don't beat yourself up, but in hindsight, it doesn't really help.

Bellalunagirl · 04/07/2018 09:10

@MrsGaslighted

Are you okay?

Previous poster but name changed Wink

ShootingQuadrantids · 04/07/2018 22:17

Hi MrsG I'm just wanting to let you know that I'm thinking of you...in fact I can't get your situation out of my head. I'm sending you lots of love, wishing you strength at this difficult time and please hold onto the thought that you are an amazingly strong person. ThanksWine

Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 04/07/2018 22:56

Thank you I'm reading the messages and will reply. I'm not feeling very strong today, everyone who said blood is thicker than water with the in laws was right. I'll post an update on that tomorrow.
What has really tipped me over today (and it's so so stupid) is that I got up this morning and made 2 cups of tea. I made him one without even thinking. And then I broke down and cried like a fucking baby. I love him so much, my life was perfect. Wtf did he throw it all away for prostitutes. I will never understand this as long as I live as I know he loves me and the kids.
I was better when I was cross. I'm just helpless with grief at the moment.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 04/07/2018 22:58
Flowers
Gruffalina72 · 04/07/2018 23:14

I don't have any words that will fix it, but I care and my thoughts are with you. Flowers

TakeMeToKernow · 04/07/2018 23:15
Flowers
LizzieSiddal · 04/07/2018 23:25

Flowers I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What an absolute idiot he is for doing this to you all.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/07/2018 23:29

It's not stupid at all about the cups of tea - just all part of the adjustment, as is swinging from anger to grief and back again. Hideous at the time, but all a part of the god awful situation

He probably didn't intend to "throw it all away" with the prostitutes because he didn't expect to get found out, which is why he was cruel enough to play with your mind in his own utterly selfish interests. IME it can help to remember that when you're feeling low, especially when he tells you (and he will) that he didn't tell you the whole truth "because he didn't want to hurt you"

And I'm sorry the in laws seem to be less reliable than you hoped; it was predictable of course, but I'm very sorry all the same Flowers

LEMtheoriginal · 05/07/2018 00:12

You are awesome OP. What a stupid man

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