Husband and prostitute

[MrsGaslighted]

I've been with my perfect husband 25 years. Really wish I'd seen mumsnet 8 months ago, before I saw the text on his phone arranging an appointment with a hooker, and had not shown my hand. I confronted him straight away and was told he was never going to go through with it. I now know about 'the script'
I have done a hell of a lot of digging since but he has outright denied everything. I have so much circumstantial evidence but can't prove a bloody thing and I think I am going mad!!

Oh Mrs G, I am so, so sorry that things were so bad today!

Be gentle with yourself! You used the right word in ‘grief’, you are grieving the man you thought he was, the perfect life you thought you had and the future you had planned together. Even harder is that every good memory that you now have is tarred by his actions! His lies will have you questioning how long this has been going on! You will be searching your memories thinking was he with prostitutes then..

I am so sorry that your in laws have turned nasty on you! Remember that your stbxh is a master of manipulation and lies! If you have any evidence make sure you keep it to show your dc/ any friends family who he manipulates into thinking you are lying. I also suggest searching the AdultWorks and UKpunting websites with your stbxh’s email address. I would imagine that he will have reviews going back further.

You don’t have to tell your dc, I would just be prepared for your stbxh to try to manipulate and lie to your dc! Especially if it’s word against word.

Your stbxh does not deserve you, the man he pretended to be was a lie, a shell that he put on when he came home! He has a sinister, machovenistic side that he never shared with you.

When you're having down moments just keep in mind what he's actually done. Make yourself get cross again and try keep it as your main emotion! It gets easier xx

Thank you so much. I will reply individually tomorrow as a couple of post have brought me down from total panic. I wouldnt have thought that talking to strangers on here would be my biggest source of inspiration and comfort.
Not that you feel like strangers, you feel like friends.

You'll be glad to k or I've got cross again. I watched him walk out of a fucking hookers house.
No wine tonight but I'm not sure tea will make me sleep :(

Hang in there, be kind to yourself

You're

You will never understand it because unlike him you are approaching your life and relationship with trust and love. Going to sex workers is only going to make him poorer, possibly more exposed to STDs and more alone and isolated as he feels the consequences of cheating & throwing away his marriage for someone who he HAS TO PAY TO BE THERE

You deserve so much better. Is there a friend you can see?

It's great you've found your anger again MrsG, it's what will carry you through this part of the process. There will be a time to grieve (for the man you thought he was, the man he is is not worth your tears) but for now you need to use that anger to keep you strong and get you through the worst bit.

You have a lot of people rooting for you here, I'm glad you're feeling the MN love

Stay strong OP!

I found great comfort and strengh in posting on here while I was going through simular. Strangers can be awesome ! Four years later I some times go back and read my thread .. I feel a mixture of sad what happened and proud of how I handled it.

Your feelings are all valid. The love, anger, pain and all the others. They will come and go often. It's difficult managing but very do able. Stay the strong person you obviously are.

So sorry Mrs G that the in laws have turned. Remember they will want to deny so much as the truth, that their son uses prostitutes, is too awful to confront, so they will happily believe anything else he tells them. They are being weak, you are being strong.
Hold in there, speak to your lovely friend you mentioned earlier maybe? But so many people on here have good advice too. Take care

Keep your head high Mrs G. There are hundreds of women rooting for you x

There are hundreds of women rooting for you x

And men too I’d imagine.

You are doing wonderfully x x baby steps x x you are grieving and you don’t need anyone’s approval because you have done nothing wrong x x his mum is in the first stage of grief ... denial you were there a little while ago ... have patience and keep doing what you are you are handling it better than I would x x x

You are doing fabulously, but remember to look after yourself and take each day at a time. Sending love and hugs

I wouldnt have thought that talking to strangers on here would be my biggest source of inspiration and comfort

Neither did I when it all happened, but it's amazing the difference it makes isn't it?

The very fact that you get the input of folk who really empathise but aren't directly involved is one of MN's greatest strengths in my view. They'll tell it like it is - hopefully gently, usually - but you don't have to watch everything you say for fear of who'll say what to who, what might come back to haunt you and more

And you might not feel like it right now, but without doubt you're actually doing brilliantly

Delurking to cheer you on. Stay strong. You are an amazing woman

I just want to say how impressive you have been. This happened to me and when I calmed down I reckoned he'd been doing it all his life but it was ok apparently because he had put it in a compartment? I checked past banking info and call logs and I could see it had been going on as long as I could go back. So a least seven years.

He is lying to his family of course.

If I were you having lived through this I wouldn't discuss it with him as he will try all the bullshit in the book and drive you properly crazy.

You are amazing.

Grief is the right word....there are stages of feeling angry and strong, in amongst the grieving for what was. It's totally normal. You will come out the other side stringers it's amazing how traumatic events affect and change you x

Hope you're doing OK, OP. Keep thinking of you and just wanting to check in x

Aw op I wish I was on mn when my ex left me with ds who was 1year old. It can be an amazing support system.

You're doing great. Hope today was a good one for you.

Wishing you a good day tomorrow OP, I have just read this from the start and through. You are an amazing lady, don't ever forget that, One thing that struck me was when you mentioned that you thought you were losing your mind, I know that so well, in fact my ex convinced me everything was all in my head and it wasn't ☹️ it was everything I thought was going on and more. They drag us into these nightmares, and it's a living hell.