Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

choc not forever no, but it's too much too soon after an LTR, and I only just realised I'm not ready

Thanks for your advice! Trying to take on board as much as I can.

I also don’t know if I’m being too needy, I hadn’t heard from him in just under 24 hours but instead of replying he’s just rung whilst driving as he’s been super busy. Ugh!

I hate my ex- fiancé who made me like this!

In that case, yes right thing to get rid. Won't improve.

I don't sleep with them for at least 6 weeks plus. Seems a long time but have found that 6 weeks seems to be the magic number. They can keep up the charming front for that long, then the facade slips. Tedious.

I'm Not seeing the one from last night again. Found myself thinking about a pair of trousers I'd seen and whether I should go with blue or black ones. That moment you see yourself in 2 years sitting in the same restaurant with nothing to talk about. Walking and picnic date next weekend. More creative than I've had in a while.

Onto the next ones.

Hi. Can I join you? I've signed up to a few dating sites though unlikely to want to meet anyone as still living with ex. Just having a look but doesn't look promising.

That really nice and normal man I met earlier went home and changed into a monster. I've had messages and calls since with his wishlist, which includes:
We are now in a relationship as he knows what he wants (he doesn't want early dating)
Me to stay over Tuesday and DTD
Regular sex as that's what he went on OLD for, it should happen this way as he doesn't need more friends he needs sex

What planet am I on, is this normal?

Normal for dickheads.

chocmallows wtactualfuck?! Um not normal! Send him back YOUR wishlist, which will include no demanding fuckers, no lists and no weird ass assumptions about you and your 'relationship' and will culminate in Bye Felipe!!!

Hi all can I join? Like cricrichan I'm still living with ex (sort of, I have like a granny flat so not truly WITH) and am trying OLD for the first time.

Was dating a chap for about 3mo recently, he did the pretending-to-be-someone-else thing. Started off very casual about me, quickly became VERY intense and wanted to 'settle down', even talking about kids! Any attempt by me to put the brakes on was met with 'but life's so short!'. As soon as he could sense he had me hooked he started to change, telling me how things were going to be. I let the first few things go because compromise, but it started ending up as simply changing my entire way of life and personality. I'm pretty proud of myself for cutting him loose, blocking him completely and signing up to OLD for the first time.

After my first week, the guy I wanted to speak to hasn't responded to my message :/

Another chap popped up who isn't from my culture (which I am fairly specific about) and is slightly too old but shares my sense of humour, seems to have a good job and is 'sorted' (important after freeloading cocklodging stbxdh not envy ), is chatty but not at all pushy. I'll call him Old Chatty/OC. I have enjoyed chatting with him.

Also met a younger chap from my culture who is altogether shy-er but is warming up in messaging now. I'll call him Young Shy/YS.

What I'm finding is that I'm REALLY bad at 'dating' - I feel like I'm cheating on either one even though I've literally just swapped innocent initial messages lol. I used to think I was a playa who accidentally ended up married...so I'm taking it much slower than I did pre-marriage and with the weird 3mo chap.

'started ending up' haha that makes no sense - damn insomnia

runs just catching up now so I am a bit hehind I have seen you're not having much luck with Tinder. When I was on Tinder I signed up to Tinder Gold for one month only (made sure I unsubscribed straight away) and it shows you the people who swipe right for you. You can then decide whether you also want to swipe right or not. You can look at these profiles more than once too. This is how I met the guy I am currently dating. I did look at his profile several times before also swiping right.

choc Oh gosh, no idea why anyone would consider that normal.

I have unhid my profile on POF and I am chatting to one guy, not sure if it will go anywhere but he seems nice.

No comms from MrSnog all weekend at all which is unusual but hey ho.

sigh so the guy I was messaging on tinder and was looking hopeful for a date has stopped messaging me. He was keen to chat when he had his daughter and couldn't go out with his mates. And now nothing. Feeling rubbish now

Chocmallows - UM NO! What the hell is wrong with him?!

I'm feeling positive and calm today, deleted/blocked/unfollowed. Feeling in control and not even shed a single tear which is unlike me and interesting!

choc wtf?! I'd send him back a message saying he 'needs' therapy and then block him.

Bop many of us on here find Matthew Hussey and Amy Young videos helpful in that kind of situation.
There is one by MH that's called "Are you too available" or the like. Watch That!!

choc - he sounds like a complete loon. Block & run!

naynay - early days, sadly the ones you like won't necessarily respond. Also exchanging messages with people, is definitely not cheating in any way shape or form. Sounds like you might be investing too much into it. Step back a bit & just have a relaxed chat & then it won't feel like you are cheating.

Bop - you need to listen to what that man is saying to you and let the words sink in. He is terrified of commitment, so unless you just want to have casual sex with him, put him out of your mind & block him if you can't.

Nothing happening for me. Lots of contact from blokes on POF but none of them are right so far. Blocked Mr Shiny because he started getting weird. Both my DC doing the BIG exams, so probably not in the right frame of mind anyway.

Xiola, what singles events do you go to?

I think I need to find an activity I want to do & join a club. I need to get out more, regardless of dating.

SpringtimeSun thanks for the tip about the Matthew Hussey videos - had never heard of him before.
Having watched a couple of them now I think I would quite like to date Matthew Hussey.

MargoLoveButter I hear what you're saying... I need to work out if I can just accept that this is how it will always be and learn to handle it... or cut loose. Trouble is I'm bloody addicted to him! We were messaging before 6am this morning and he said he wants to see more of me... but it always comes back to him being scared/confused again. It dates back to the breakup of his marriage years ago, and he's scared of being hurt again (or so he says). But of course like the daft woman I am, I ķeep convincing myself that I'm the one who can finally 'fix' him...

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo Bop you can't fix him - you know that really. Not one of us on these threads wants to be hurt again but we have sorted out our shit (hopefully) and aren't telling anyone that we can't commit because we're scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are worth better than a scared/confused man - please believe me.

Bop- you can't fix a burnt man. Find a fresh one.

Margo- I tend to prefer the group events- they do big dinner dances/balls/party nights that are good as lots of people about 200 a time. They also offer smaller events like dinners for 10-30 people which can be a bit intense so I don't opt for those type of ones. I had to pay a joining fee, it's an old fashioned dating agency that also does singles events. My membership for life was 100 quid. Tickets are about 60 a pop. 10 a year admin fee. The dating agency itself is pricey but they are good and I know quite a few people that met men through them, hence I joined. When I have given up hope on current options, self imposed timeline until I'm 40 in 2.5 years, I might cough up for the find me a man package.

Xiola, would you mind PMing me the details of the agency - if you don't want to post the name on the thread.

Minnie I've thought about Tinder Gold but decided that although it would show who had swiped right, they would either be a) outside my distance or b) already rejected by me as not right. Maybe I'm missing something.

Choc I hope you told him where to stick his list. And them blocked him.

And after complaining about a lack of action, all the buses turned up at once this weekend.

Bumble - never had any success before. I think 1 match in 6 months who never messaged. But I reloaded it, and bang, 6 matches in a few hours. Spent yesterday messaging one on and off. Another replied late last night, so I need to chase that one up.

Tinder - a match has actually messaged with quite a long and interesting message.

Match - asked on a date this week. I suggested a suitable day. Haven't heard back yet.
Another messaged but he's not my type and too far away. However, his messages were funny and intelligent. So I replied to his comments as well as saying he was too far. We then debated long distance relationships. And he asked could we meet for lunch sometime - a non-date - to see if we got on and could be potential friends. He would travel to me.
So I said yes. I already have a friend that I met like this. He's too young, too far away and not my type but we meet up a couple of times a year for a walk or lunch.

Loving the new title. Been following the thread for ages.

So, I've been on the smitten bench 3 mths with MrWow. It's been a bit stormy as both have sh*t going on, not least my Dad dying. Funeral next week. Not sure if this has clouded my feelings. I just don't feel emotionally attached to MrWow.
Then MrSolid from last year appears again. I saw him Friday. He's decided to be more laid back and 'wait' for me.
Thing is, I feel so guilty. I don't want to hurt either guy. I am enjoying my time with MrWow but just don't see a future with him. I can with MrSolid and I think we just met too early on in terms of me being newly separated and looking for fun.

A word of encouragement for all those newly doing OLD. I've dated around 40 guys since September. It is a numbers game. I'm undiagnosed ASD and am totally blunt sometimes but I think that helps. I get straight to the point and am completely myself on dates. Men find that attractive. I've had so many guys contact me after I've called things off or they have. I've only met one complete t*sser. I prefer to end things 'friendly' I hate confrontation. Don't be afraid of making pro's and con's lists, it helps with the over investing state.
Sorry, waffling on. Seeing the funeral 'celebrant' today and trying to distract myself!!

runs ooooh I am not sure about the distance thing but when I used it they were definitely within my distance. They still may be not suitable but it did seem to work better for me, albeit I did only use it for one month.

pudding when we were dating he told me he lived about an hour away and was using the gym next to his house. since ive finished things he has been using the same gym as me (also an hour from his house). its the same chain as the one he lives next to, so no need for him to travel.

i used to use gym around 6pm, so did he. i switched to 2pm due to work - so did he. he works on the other side of the city so again - why is he using same gym as me?

another thing - i was in a group at gym talking to people i know. he entered and walked THROUGH the small group i was speaking with - and winked at me. any normal person would go around the group? who walks through a small group of 3-4 people chatting?

thats what ive noticed anyway. in an empty-ish gym he will walk an inch past me, instead of keeping a respectable space. i also catch him staring at me alot.

i know it doesnt sound too mental - but i just dont know anyone who would travel that far to use a chain gym when they live next to one. and changing gym times aswell, to when i go. i have him blocked so no idea if he has tried to contact me. will keep an eye on it though. feel like he is keeping tabs on me.

i actually finished with him because i asked him to stop and he if ignored me. it took 3 times of me saying very loudly “CAN YOU STOP” before he said “oh sorry, i didnt hear you”

he also told me he was a psychopath, but after i probed him he said he was joking.