Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I rarely meet anyone in RL, I don’t go out enough.

No real life potential here apart from an ex-FWB but as it took me a long time to fall out of love with him then my heart couldn't take that again.

choc we've been messaging since Feb! He does breadcrumb, but has always been like that. He has only ever messaged about once a week. He has suggested date 4 a few times now over the last month, but our diaries have been full. He mentioned it again yesterday and we have found a date that works. It will never be anything more, I don't think. But when we do see each other we do get on. I just have to accept it as it is. And I'm continuing to see other people.

love I do go out but still don't meet anyone. So OLD is a good opportunity to find someone. It's very hit and miss though!

Tom 5 months and 3 dates...better just to be friends?
Definitely date others!

Ok Mr Hills is getting weird. He was talking about getting comfy in his PJs with a beer tonight and I said I'd be doing the same. He's sent me a photo of his legs encased in PJ shorts and he's asking if I'm "comfy yet?" I'm sensing this is going to take a turn for the creepy and sordid. Bit weird. I'm going to bed soon so might just stop messaging.

choc I know. It's mad! He was away for a month. And he seems to have loads on. He lives quite close to me, so it's convenient. But he clearly doesn't want anything else. I will see him when I can because we do get on, but I will continue to see others.

literary 🚩🚩🚩 I suspect he's angling for dirty talk. Stop now if you're not comfortable with that.

@TomHardysBitontheside sounds like a nice comfortable and safe fairly regular date. I'd quite like someone like that. A friend but with potential to be more but neither really bothered.

Yeah, have cut him off by saying I'm going to sleep. He's been texting all day without much pause. Always wary of too eager now although it's just been general chit chat and nice to message with getting to know you questions. There's been nothing red flag wise in the conversation. Has mainly been about our jobs, favourite foods, films, music etc. But the photo . Not even sexy in any way. Just weird!

literary it's taken me a while to get used to it, but now I like it. He's not pushy, he's always friendly and he's so easy to get on with. I don't want anything more with him, so this works.
I suspect Mr Hills is pushing his luck to see if you bite. You could say something, so he knows it's not your thing. I am also cautious of constant messaging, but some people are simply like that. Sometimes there are no hard and fast rules to these things.

Hi can I join in? I signed up to OLD for the first time this week - pof. I've had quite a lot of messages from men literally just saying "hi" what is the point of sending a message that says nothing really? Do you reply to such messages or just answer the messages that actually have some content?

"In real life"?

Yes, I think I've heard of it.........

Where would someone go to meet someone "In real life"?

@Dan89 I live in the vague hope that I magically just meet someone randomly like other people do in Hollywood movies then live happily ever after. Lots of people seem to meet when their paths cross randomly. They took an extra shift they don't normally work and met someone doing an agency shift as a one off, got talked into going to a gig/pub/political group meeting by a friend and met someone there, eyes met across the meat counter at Waitrose, banged into each other's cars and swapped numbers as well as insurance details, sat next to each other on a train, got chatting at a bus stop, shared at taxi. Lots of possibilities. Never seems to happen to me though and I'll happily get chatting to people I bump into. I'm not shy about saying hello and getting a conversation going.

I've edited my profile a little today. Taken off some of my stricter requirements. I still have those requirements, I'm just not stating them as might seem a bit off putting. I'm keeping no smokers, gamers or vapers though. I'm not spending time chatting, to only find out those things further down the line, like on a date.

Hi to the newcomers! It's lovely to see some new faces as it were

I just wondered if you date someone not from OLD if it's more simple. Less worrying about exclusivity, less playing of games and ghosting etc.

I have wondered about striking up conversations with random men, in a supermarket or walking in a park. But I tend to assume most my age are already married. Maybe I should hang around supermarkets looking for men buying meals for one? probably Waitrose or M&S

@Sunflower6 welcome! If I was feeling arsey I might reply to a hi with an "hello?" or just repeat their "hi" and see if they come back with something slightly more arresting. I wish we could send them this face a lot of the time.

My experiment so far: Out of the 13 I smiled at, 3 have looked at my profile but not contacted me. Their profiles are very basic apart from one who had a decent one but sounded a bit too lovey dovey just want someone who I can give my heart to and look after kind of thing. No thanks.

Hi all

Hope you're doing well. Please could I ask for your opinion on this fairly trivial situation.
About a year ago on POF, I got chatting to a guy who was funny, easy to get along with, intelligent, witty, articulate, etc. We swapped numbers and decided to do the whole phone call thing. We had a very successful phone chat, and another was arranged for a couple of nights after. He didn't call when he said he would, and eventually messaged back much later that night with an excuse. I think this happened twice, and the excuse was that he was having a video chat with his teenage daughter, who lives in Ireland. I moved on, as I had a question mark over his genuineness.

Fast forward to now, and he approaches me out of the blue once again on POF. We resume the chat, and he seems the same affable, erudite and charming chap. We had a phone chat a couple of nights ago, and were on the phone for nearly 2 hours.
He said that he would call again tonight at 10pm for a chat, and to organise a date (we're at least an hour apart distance wise).
No call, and at about 11 pm he sends me a profusely apologetic text, saying that he was chatting to his teenage daughter, who was having a panic over an exam tomorrow.
Now I know this makes me sound like a psycho, but I have checked the exam timetable for Ireland (I know ), and the exam that he said she was taking is not on tomorrow.
So he has played the 'no call' thing twice, and you'd think he'd have learnt when I let him go because of it the first time!
I can't decide if it's all bullshit, or if he's just being a good dad, which of course I wouldn't mind at all. I hate it when kids are the excuse, as it's harder to call them on it!
My expectations of men are high in general, which is why I was able to walk away so easily the first time. So I'm not some numptie who swallows whatever she's told, and puts up with it.
I like a man who does what he says he's going to do ... and when! I told him this. I'm struggling a bit with my own judgement on this one. He sounds absolutely great, other than letting me down when he's supposed to call (texts are generally reliable). Am I overreacting perhaps?
Would appreciate your thoughts - thanks

I like a man who does what he says he's going to do ... and when! I told him this.

thats your answer! his actions might not bother some people, they might really annoy others, and thats fine! its not something that you are willing to put up with, and this is only the early stages of chatting. could you really deal with that 6 months or 2 years down the line? what if he said he was going to get in touch with you to arrange a date, but leaves you hanging?

you deserve someone who ticks all your boxes, and calls when he says he is going to call

Thank you esk1mo! Just as I thought. I sometimes wonder if I expect too much, but then we all have different boundaries and expectations as you say.
And the call was his idea. I'm not some needy sort who insisted on it. He really ought to have learnt after the first time!

Maybe I should hang around supermarkets looking for men buying meals for one? probably Waitrose or M&S

You're 10 years too late dogz - single men these days sit at their laptops and order their ready meals for online delivery

So maybe we should all get jobs for Deliveroo!! 😂

I might go out into the real world today (day off work) and see if I can find anyone, I think my chances are slim .

I think finding people in RL is almost impossible unless a friend knows of a few single people to set you up with. I don’t get out much, my hobbies are not that sociable and are mainly for older people, I do meet people when I’m out walking but most are older people and couples, I have met a few people through photography but it’s hard to ask someone for a date. I have made a few friends through OLD, I’m out with one of them this weekend.

I had a message from a old iron last night, he was some one I had met on an alternative site (FWB type thing), we met ones and had a great time but I struggle with the FWB thing, although he wouldn’t really be my type for a relationship he seemed really fun and caring. He’s moving abroad for a year next month and wants to meet up before he goes but I think I will avoid.

I still have loads of messages coming in through POF since having my jokey negative profile, never had this many, I can’t keep up with them all.

Have fun with the POF messages Love! Even if nothing comes of it, it's a great lesson in human psychology and an eye-opener in terms of learning how words on a screen can have such an influence on how we are perceived.

Hello new people. This is a great thread, or even series of threads. Loads of great advice & support.

Do you both, Love and Kin, mean self-deprecating profiles where you have a bit of a laugh at your less favourable aspects, or do you mean profiles where you are negative about the world at large?

I work full-time in a reasonable sized office, so I do interact with other people and single men and have even been asked out by a colleague but there was zero attraction for me, so that was a very polite and diplomatic no! There is one guy I like a bit but he is 10 years younger than me and I'm not sure if I like him, simply because there is no one else to like - IYSWIM!

I don't suffer from lack of interest online, what I do struggle with is finding men that I like or men that will actually ask me out on a date!!!!! I tend to do lots of polite chit chatting back & forth and then either I get bored or I guess they do & I hardly ever get to a flipping real life date! I need to work out how to seal the deal, as my sales colleagues would say!!!!!