Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Sorry just realised he's a FWB, it's fine for that, but relationship material - no!

I think I need a FWB. They sound much more fun.
Any thoughts on where to find one?

Cancelled the date and deleted my profile. Phew. Good luck to you all!

Hi, just checking into the new thread!

Nowt much going on here, I'm at the stage where I can't really be arsed with it, although that may change.

I've got 3 I'm chatting to on Tinder. Well, I say chatting, it's more like pulling bloody teeth. I'm going to step back and see if any of them actually initiate any more conversation. Nothing happening on Match, so I may just cancel my subscription. And POF is still just a sea of potato heads and 'hiya gawjuss' so I've given up on that too.

I'm with you runs - what I'd like is male company, not necessarily a relationship I think. I miss just talking to blokes. I find I don't get invited to dinner parties or social occasions much when I'm single. I don't fit into the right 'couples box' . It makes me sad and cross. Do people not think I'd like to go to things? I'd like a gig buddy, or to find a decent hobby group that isn't all women (doesn't help that one of my hobbies is knitting, which tends not to attract blokes 😂)

WHY doesn't my phone do paragraphs?!?! Sorry for the wall of words 🙊

Sky and runs I know what you mean. I'm either with DC as a lone adult or with my friends, but that means even more DCs and it's all about kids; or working: or DC free, but my friends are all having family time.

My friends have some time to meet without DCs, but it's limited and I miss the intimacy you get with a long term partner.

I see why so many people get dogs for company on walks and in general.

Edd have you completely given up?

Singles events are good for all the things you describe. Bit pricey I appreciate but no more so than a dog :)

The one I go to offers balls and dinners as well as walks and outings to places like Ronnie Scott's jazz club and trips to new York etc etc. Go karting.

I haven't met a man there I would want to take it further with but does mean you get dressed up and have male conversation and a good time. You still get the usual suspects that are obviously married and wanting a fling etc but I have zero expectations so it makes no odds to me. I have single friends though which makes it easier although I have gone on my own a few times. I tend to go about once a month but they have things on weekly.

Hello - joining the latest thread.
I know I only post on here intermittently but I follow all your updates!
I’m dating this guy - 7 dates in, he’s so great in person and has never flaked on a scheduled date but when we leave each other there’s never a plan for the next one and he’s a bit shit at messaging and then I get worried and obsessive - ugh.

We’ve both been severely burnt relationship wise in the past so I’m not sure if we are tip toeing around each other or that he’s just not that bothered/sees me as a causal thing.

Weirdly, I’m not ready to be ‘exclusive’ but I’m struggling to keep my mind from catastrophising!

Sorry for the completely incoherent ramble! Just need to get it out.

Popple that sounds a bit frustrating. Could you speak to him about it?

Xiola although there aren't many singles events here, they do look good. I couldn't work out if you had to be a member of the dating agency to go to them.

Sky shame you don't live near me, I've got a spare gig ticket for next weekend. I've tried everyone I know and some, but no one wants a free ticket. And no one wants to buy one ticket.
I'm going on my own anyway.

Long time reader and occasional poster. Just had a 3 month thing come to an end. He was just massively withdrawing after a not so great weekend ....breadcrumbs is the word and no suggested meet ups !

Questioned the lack of communication and within seconds he's removed me from Facebook, and uploaded some new pics to his dating profile. (Apparently these were done automatically by Facebook so now lying as well).

Fun times. It started so well. Time for a breather!

@runs I was meant to when I saw him on Friday but when we’re together I feel great and forget all my anxious feelings! And then I’m thinking...what do I actually ask cos I don’t want to push exclusive talk yet. Just going round in circles in my own brain.

@cool sorry to hear that, hope you’re ok! Reading your story I’m wondering if I’m being breadcrumbed?

Confusion isn’t the word!!!

runs shame I'm miles away 🙁I've taken to going to gigs on my own recently, it's quite empowering! I got sick of not going to things because I had no one to go with, and after being dumped shortly before a gig, thought Fuck It and went by myself, and have to several since.
I'd love to go with someone in reality though!

xiola I wouldn't mind doing speed dating etc, but the only ones round me are for the under 35s 🙄

Today's date ghoster didnt reply when I wished him well, but I'm glad I did as puts the bad behaviour firmly with him.

Potential two dates lined up, one early evening, but short as I get kids back. I should get ready, but I would rather sit in my garden

Popple - he was only responding if I started a chat and I was leaving it days inbetween to give him a chance to start a chat. And this was off the back of nice steady, two way chat for a good 3 months.

You know when you sense a shift in communication ?

Does yours start the contact much?

Ok.

Men always pull away. It's really common. And shoddy yes but just the way it is.

Just leave it be. If he is bothered he will be back. The more you draw attention to it the worse it is and becomes.

I am not saying tolerate bad or shoddy behaviour I really am not. But you said you had a rubbish weekend with him. He's thinking about it all. It's made him doubt. Sorry to say but true. Regardless of who did what or didnt or whatever, he is pondering. Just wait and do nothing. Likely outcome? He will return.

But if you chase and hassle this drops. If you start pushing emotional conversstuosn about where is this going yada yada he will carry on avoiding you. It becomes too emotional and men will avoid it rather than deal.

Imho

@cool it’s been a mixture but he’s worse when I respond to his generic ‘lovely to see you’ post meeting messages!

All my friends tell me I’m over reacting but they’ve never OLD - so it’s hard to know which route is best.

I sent the last message...we’ll see. When we arrange dates he goes quiet a couple of days before - is that normal? And he put the ball in my court for arranging dates - let me know when you’re free and I’ll make it happen BUT that means I never know if he’d want to pursue without me laying it all out on the table!

If I wasn’t so attracted to him I’d definitely just leave it.

Had a chuckle the other day, before xmas had a number of dates with a very nice man, was thinking how well it was going, 7 dates in talking every day, not dtd but was expecting to and looking forward to it, then nothing. Literally gone....fast forward to last week and I get a message about how his phone had broken, he had only just managed to get contacts, was hoping I would track him down etc etc.
Jeez, shows how much he knew me if he thought I was that dim!
Glad that at the time I had already found the thread and thus knew to just shrug and get on with my life :)
Good luck to everyone putting themselves out there in the hope of finding someone, it takes courage, but don't take it personally if it goes wrong, there are a lot of idiots!

Hi all, can I join? Relatively new to all this dating malarkey, having separated from husband a few months back. Had a few dates, but my problem is that the one guy (met him on Tinder) who I'm REALLY into is terrified of any commitment (long back story) and although I know I should walk away, the chemistry between us is electric, and we're in intermittent contact with occasional meetings (and, erm, great sex...) Really trying to distract myself from thinking about him, but in my head nobody else matches up (even though he's a complete car crash and messes with my head). I'm on Tinder, POF, Bumble and OKCupid. Really want to find someone nice who can get this guy out of my head!! So hard!

Makes me feel so much better about this OLD malarky being on this thread, I'm not the only paranoid one out there or the only one that gets dumped or messed about!

ignoring can't believe you had nothing since Christmas and then he comes up with that line??!! What is wrong with these men??

I've had a 25 year old (who I met on a cruise when i was with my ex) (he's more than half my age!) messaging me on and off and just doesn't seem to understand that the fact I'm ignoring him is because I'm not interested!

Men are stupid!

I just have to share this - I matched with someone on Bumble when I was away on holiday last week - he is phew gorgeous - I was in Turkey and he was in Cyprus. We chatted a bit and he flew back to states last night - he is very intense - he is not American by birth. He is now talking about coming to the UK to meet me in the next couple of weeks - what are the chances that he needs me send some some money as he has funds are temporarily tied up - he has sent me a copy of his passport and we have moved to WhatsApp - he also sent me a photo today of him on the beach - if it's not him, I'd love to meet the man in the photo - way out of my league !

Xiola - I totally agree and he's done the withdraw thing a few times before and I totally left it.

This time though I wouldn't have been true to myself not to raise my concerns. I opened up the chat and boom it was over. So bullet dodged for me, I don't want to be with someone who can't talk things through.

The man cave is totally true though . Depends if you like them enough to wait it out.

Val that made me laugh, well what a surprise he suddenly gives you bank details and tells you £1500 will do, he will of course pay you back

Date today went ...well. He seems NORMAL!

I'm in shock after getting used to weird dates. Even if it doesn't go anywhere it was lovely to have a relaxed chat, he has normal desires, normal job, normal interests with normal sounding friends, doesn't need therapy. I found him attractive, but not vain.

I know there is a lot to learn yet, but it made a nice change.

@cool well done on calling him out - that’s the bit I didn’t do! And now I wish I had!

Is great IRL and then bad a communicating a very bad red flag?

I never used to be such a nervous wreck 🤦‍♀️

cool well done for listening to your instincts and raising your concerns.

choc that sounds like a great date.

Popple it's not working for you. Dating shouldn't be hard work like that. I think you need to tell him your concerns and see how he reacts. If you find it hard to do when you see him, then send a text or call him and talk over the phone.

Popple, are you still seeing him but not sure where you stand?

I played this one totally in line with WMLB book - Never over messaged, let him suggest and lead the dates and he asked to be exclusive and bf/gf. But I think 3 months in some true colours start showing?

I'd find the lack of him sorting out dates really hard work and it makes you anxious, I totally get it! As hard as it is, let him suggest dates so you know he is keen.