Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

esk1mo how is your ex iron being stalkery? Are you freaked out by it?

About age ranges,I think mine are set by me on purpose, as I feel I would be more likely to get into a "relationship" with someone my own age or older, I have set from 29-42. I am 39, nearly 40. I find I match and connect most at the moment with guys from 30-33. Don't know why. The younger man appeals to me for various reasons (at this stage in my life and where I am at).

Saying that just waiting for Ex FWB (or FWB) to come over, I am distancing myself a bit, I like him a lot but he would never be boyfriend material nor do I want him to be, but oxytocin always screws with my brain ;)

Ah awful date, but I'm too polite to say much on a date. He looked and acted a lot older than me, had a controlling edge (tried to push me to have alcohol not coke but I don't when driving), very overweight and constant running nose.

He wanted us to go back to his, I said I was up early with DCs as excuse to leave. He wants to meet for breakfast. I'm going to leave it an hour or so and do the "I've thought about it, but no spark" line.

He wasn't happy with my message, then said he didn't like me anyway.

Choc. you've dodged a bullet there, how awful!

Runs have you tried any other sites? I'm on OKC, which is ok and very different to being on POF. I left Tinder ages ago. I've not tried Zoosk, is that worth a go?

choc he sounds just awful, I'm pleased you've told him it's a no.

There were 3 people in my area on OKC.
I also looked at Zoosk and it was the same faces as POF.

I've got a couple of social things that I'm hoping to get involved in soon which are unlikely to lead to dates. But will give me a bit of a social life and grown up conversation, which is what I'm missing at the moment.

Runs I hear you. I have female friends I talk to a lot, but I do like male conversation too. And just getting messages from someone knowing they're thinking about you. Stick with it. You just haven't met the right person yet, but you will. You know it's like buses often. There'll be none for ages then you get a few come along at once. Have you widened your age range and distance to see if you get any more matches?

Aha a new thread - I only lurked on the old one.
Have had a couple lovely dates with Mr IT. Second was dinner last night, some nice messages when home and again this morning. Then nothing.... he’s been on What’s App just not replying to me.
Why do they do this?
Perhaps he had another date today which was better?
I feel such a bad judge of character - fine if he changed his mind but why not let men know.....

*me know

Thanks tictac and tom, my potential date for tomorrow seems to have fallen through too, Mr Nice but dull but I don't think I put effort in either. I'm trying not to chase.

I have three ok-ish chats on pof

1. Seems normal, in same large employer as me, great chat not sure on photos (looks very grungy)
2. Wants a princess, hmm I may have to rethink this one
3. Says he's a teacher, but can't spell

Hatty ghosting is v normal assuming he doesn't reply within 48 hours. When you see it drop the bloke and don't look back. Even if he writes in a week or so, he isn't bothered about you if he's ignoring your message. Unless he's been in hospital; this happened to vet and, fair enough, valid reason.

Runs I think that's what I'm looking for too, a better social life. My friends are all with families, I have childfree time and no single friends except an exBF. Wondering if dating fills that void and I should join groups instead

Just dipping my toe in this thread. I've recently come out of a LTR, and am considering putting up a profile on one of the OLD sites. I'm not looking for anything serious, probably more of a FWB type of situation, although I don't think I should write that on my profile! I'm quite overweight, so feeling very vulnerable about putting myself out there. I've put current photos on, including a full length one, so I'm being honest about what I look like, but I still feel quite nervous.

I've literally never dated before. My LTR was my first ever relationship, and lasted 18 years (he was a teenager when we got together, I was very early 20s), so I'm now middle-aged and a complete newbie to the dating scene. Any words of wisdom? I have no idea what to write on my profile either.

hi april welcome. Id be honest, but confident on your profile. I am on POF and am no slinky malinky and I have had plenty of interest. There are guys out there for all shapes and sizes. Please dont put FWB on your profile, it attracts the wrong uns.

Im happy to look at your profile anytime and you can view mine too if you want for ideas. I was also a newbie to dating a couple of months ago. Separated a year, out of a 20+ year LTR.

Another newbie here, I'm a year out of a 30 year relationship and I've never dated before ex h treated me fairly badly and there was no romance in our lives, ever, but I've recently received some male attention which got me thinking that I actually would like to meet a nice man.

Can anyone tell me how bumble works? I set up an account and scrolled through the local men but 'rejected' them all as I haven't set up a profile. Can locals see my picture? I'd be embarrassed if anyone knew!

It was sort of fun looking through the pics but I can see potential for bruised ego if I swiped someone and they reject me! But online dating seems to be the way to go now and i guess that's part of the game. I just don't want to go public yet so should I delete the account or is my picture safely hidden until I swipe yes for anyone?

Can I join? Joined tinder a while back, matched with a few and got chatting to a man who seemed nice enough. Was meant to go on a day time date about a month ago, I bailed last minute because I was nervous and wasn't sure he's for me. Fast forward to now and we have been chatting by message all day everyday for a couple weeks and I'm meeting him this morning. So nervous incase I get there, don't fancy him and then stuck with him for the morning through being polite. He seems lovely and said he's going to call me this morning which will be the first time I've properly spoken to him. He's not my usual type but my usual type has landed me in the shit twice (two arsehole exP's)

Why am I shitting myself with nerves?! My pics are very honest as to what I look like so not too worried about that, it's more that I've lost a lot of weight over the past year but still worried he'll think I'm a chub monster

Thanks Jax. I've sent you a PM.

So far, I'm too uncertain to even un-hide my profile. I will need to develop a thicker skin I think!

Can I just say, and it's meant to be constructive, that the size of dress somebody wears is pretty low down on the list of qualities that I look for when I'm dating.

Embrace what you are now, none of us are what we used to be any more.

By all means diet a bit, or start an exercise regime. I did. But do it to make yourself feel better about yourself, not to make yourself more physically attractive to others.

chocmallows I'm trying out 2 new Meetup groups this week. It would be great to have a date or two but what I need is a regular social group that gets me out of the house. I just haven't found the right one yet.

AprilFool18 stay hidden until you have found your way around the site. You can change your settings to specify age limits, number of words on first message and whether they have to have a photo to message you.
You will get lots of messages at first. Just ignore the ones that you aren't interested in. It seems rude but it's often better than replying. Happy to look at your profile as well if you want.

Fabulous When you say you have no profile, do you mean you haven't written anything? Most people don't on Tinder or Bumble. You have to both swipe right to get a match. On Bumble it's up to the woman to message first. But be prepared to not get any reply. A lot of men just swipe right on every one then filter from there.

Hi All. Think I'm all caught up.
Haven't posted since I had a date two weeks ago Friday. Been a strange week. Had a meltdown last Tuesday for a number of reasons. OLD can mess with your head... Plus I asked ex-hub if he wanted to try again (drunk) and he said no
Date wasn't very great. Won't go into detail on here.
Had a married man proposing an affair. Urgh.
But bumped into my FWB Sat before last. He stayed at mine. We went for Sunday lunch and chatted about all sorts. Ended up unexpectedly spending the day together with mutual friends, theirs and my kids (he doesn't have any and is 10 years younger). It was honestly one of the best days I've had for so long. So now I do t know what I'm doing. He's gone away with work for a few weeks but I guess in my heart I know he is unattainable. Just such great sex and cuddles, makes me laugh blah. Oh god I sound like I'm 12. So I may just wait for him to come home and shelve OLD for a few weeks JIC
So I have it all going on or nothing at all!

And I love the title Cake

Morning!
slapmy hope all goes ok this morning, I’m sure once you’re with him it’ll be fine

ironneon why is he unattainable? You obviously had a great day (and night!) and I know I’m new at all this but seems like spending the day with mutual friends shows he’s interested.

I’ve never tried Tinder or Bumble, haven’t a clue how either of them work!! I find I get the most (well, some!) messages on my local site (which is know is under the same umbrella as other OLD places) but at least they’re people who are near me rather than eharmony where I’m sent matches from the other side of the country!

Hopefully meeting up with Mr NiceGuy this evening and have started messaging someone who’s just off on hols for two weeks - we will see.

Do you guys reply to every message you receive? Is there etiquette with it that I should follow?!! I ignore all the really random ones that are just obviously after a sh*g but some of the nice ones that I have no interest in I feel bad that I just ignore!

Am I bad to immediately ignore people who can’t spell and have no grammar?!

... just been blown out by Mr NiceGuy, big sigh! Blimey this is hard work!

Dutch better he shows his lack of interest now than in a few weeks/months. It does hurt though.

Mr Nice-but-dull has not said anymore so no second date today and I'm wondering whether to write a brief, "nice meeting you, but can see you are busy" line. Mainly as we could cross paths in a few months at work and I don't like the loose ends.

HalfDutch he's told me he's not interested in a relationship.. He's messed up and in love with someone from when he was 19

Ironneon run away from that one, sounds v odd!