Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Will be interesting to see how the bad points pan out

The way I look at profiles is -

Photo - They don't have to be immediately attractive, but could I imagine becoming attracted to them. I get put off by blurred photos or creepy half naked in bed ones. Also if they show a great interest in something that doesn't appeal to me (e.g. heavy drinking/football/fishing)
Blurb - I don't mind if it is a list, prose, poem, pretend advert. I look for similar tastes, interests, something that shows they have a sense of humour. I don't like vague 'I like all the usual things' and various other things put me off e.g. if I get a hint of arrogance.

So I don't think I am too fussy.

Who asked about Bumble - I joined last week. Had a rush of matches to start with, but not many replies when I messaged them. And then I had ones that ran out (you only get 24hrs) before I got around to them. So I would suggest as tactics - once you have 2 or 3 matches, message them and see how they go before you do any more swiping. Also, if you live somewhere that gets a lot of through traffic you'll see people who don't actually live anywhere near you. It may be best to look in the evenings when people are more likely to be at home?

Morning
So the love story continues..... Just going to enjoy the ride and not be too bitter and sceptical, that is an unattractive feature I've seen in so many women ... And men,

Slipping back to my question on Monday, I think love is very individual to the person that feels it... Or doesn't, and at 43 I think I should be old enough to know when to stop the bus and get off if it feels wrong.

Nice to see you back on here kinunir I remember you getting a hard time a while back lol
We are all different, like pebbles on a beach...
I think the fact this thread goes on and on and has new members month after month shows that, as cynical as we may have become due to our previous experiences..... Most of us are seeking something to put that right in the end..... Even if some of us don't admit it 😉

When I'm looking at male profiles my likes are:

Decent photo of their face
Decent photos of them doing something - anything really, just some kind of activity, even just walking the dog, in the garden with friends, anything to show they have a life!

A brief, upbeat outline of them, what they enjoy, a hobby or two, something that might be important to them and a brief outline of what they are looking for. A bit of self-deprecating humour goes a long way for me too.

Dislikes:

Crappy photos or ones that are just selfies. Anything that has their sweaty, naked torso (usually overweight) & a can of beer is an instant no!

I loathe negative profiles. The ones that say "ladies, if you have a snapchat filter, forget it", or "too many people on here playing games" or even worse "back on here after a bad experience" in fact anything at all that suggests they have a negative take on life or OLD. We all know it sucks at times, I find whining on a profile really off-putting.

Another dislike is the people who haven't' put anything at all, or just put "fill this in later" as it gives you nothing to work with in a conversation.

Thanks Lost though I know not what you mean - butter melts in this mouth.

Most of us are seeking something to put that right in the end..... Even if some of us don't admit it - poignant that. Though all my friends and family think I'm quite happy to be eternally single, I feel an empty space inside if I'm honest.

Thanks dogzdinner that was me asking about Bumble.
Lostlily really sorry to hear about MrNorway.

Margolovebutter eh?

kinunir well I admire you for that admission 👍

Sorry, Lostlily, there's so much on here, I've realised that it was Jax and Mr Norway! Apologies.

Margo yes, agree about the negative comments. Also, comments along the lines of - need to know the difference between your and you're.

(I do know the difference, but think it's a crappy thing to put in your profile)

My confession is that yah, sure, i can live by myself. got loads of hobbies, things to do and read, I've got my place and bank balance the way I want it etc. but whats it all for in the end? I want DD to have siblings and have meals in the future where my adult kids come round and we have the kind of nice time I've had growing up with my family. That is what I have come to understand that Life is about for me. I used to be very career orientated. Now I guess I'm family orientated. I'm not broody, I dont want 'a baby', i want a family. iyswim.

totes agree on negative comments 'too many game players' - yah, sure, bye.

Mr Youngshy hasn't read my message yet which means he either hasn't touched FB for 24hrs (which fits with his story of being busy with work) or can't even be arsed to open it lol....the wait for closure goes on

twatvibes who shall be renamed Mr LOLZ was on my message straightaway; I replied in a friendly, funny, chatty way (or so I thought) and he read the message but no reply yet. bit early to bin him altogether because he could be working...

I've managed to mess up my date for tonight by seeing if we could change locations so he's presumed I was cancelling and has now made other plans.

He's suggested a phone chat instead.

I'm thinking I need to get myself in a better headspace as I just feel so nervous and can't understand what someone would see in me! Down to the lack of interest and the large amount of men I speak to that just vanish without a trace. Maybe I'm just not strong enough.

Pink, lack of interest on OLD is totally normal - there's so much choice that many men and women are holding out for a perfection that doesn't exist instead of seeing how wonderful and interesting the profile in front of their eyes already is.

Vanishing without trace is also a common theme as well - it is ALWAYS an issue on their end (emotionally unavailable, insecure, married, whatever).

You are strong enough and everyone has something to offer, it just takes a bit of patience until someone comes along who can see how amazing you are.

Jax sorry about Mr Norway. I could in similar boat. Mr Blue seems good, but too often it's too good to be true. I've decided next time we meet I will probably be honest and tell him about how awkward my exH can be and that one of my DCs has ADHD, then ask him what is challenging in his life. If he's put off or his issues don't work for me I'd rather know earlier than later.

'What is challenging in your life' - i like this tack!

@pinkpixie83 how on earth could he assume you're cancelling by asking to change location?? Seems like a cop out to me

Mr Hills is really chatty now that we've swapped numbers. He's sounding much better now and no red flags. The comment about weird people was to do with the mortgage woman. He's asking loads of getting to know you questions which I love as it means I can ask them too. Some people are very closed off and you don't even get to know simple stuff like music tastes and favourite foods.

I like the challenging in your life question too.

oh I like the what is challenging in your life, thats a good one.

@LiteraryDevil1 I really am not sure. Apparently he was going to invite me for dinner next week, so we could watch a film and cuddle.

He's suggesting he calls me instead, early evening tonight.

But I just don't think he gets the kids thing either, I've explained that's it's tricky with the kids and sitters etc. But we will see. Can't see it happening really.

How long have you been dating pink?

I've been on the sites nearly 12 months with a couple of breaks.

Two dates in that time so I'm clearly doing something wrong.

Lots of offers of casual sex and/or dick pictures but that seems to be my lot.

I'm talking to one other guy but he's a bit intense for me! The only other chance I had was a guy who chatted me up in real life and then found ways of getting my number but I gave him a chance last week and he stood me up lol.

I meant that particular guy?

Realised today (it's taken me a while ) that 9 times out of 10 on Tinder the ones who don't put a profile pic want something more than a relationship. I'm certainly no prude but am gobsmacked by the number of men who are looking for something extra in their life whilst already in a relationship!

That guy we only started talking last week lol today should have been our first date

@pinkpixie83 so dinner, film and cuddle for a first date???!!!!🚩🚩🚩🚩 That's way too keen of him.

He was planning that for next week so second date - still too much for me. Been mentioning kisses for tonight which I don't think you can judge before meeting someone anyway