He's got four children by 3 different women. Should I care?

[1stdatejiggyness]

I'm third date in with a guy I really like. However, he has four children by three different women aged 13 years to 1 year old. I think he may ask to take it to the next stage soon but I have my reservations.

I know I don't know the full story and forgive me for stereotyping but I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player. He's so charming and says all the right things though. I'm worried he may be a womaniser or fall in love too quickly. Not only that, he's been honest and told me he's often broke halfway through the month. I try to be understanding about his financial situation but I'm starting to feel guilty when we spend money on a night out. I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend? He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.

With four children to support, it's not surprising he does't have much money....saying that, four kids by 3 women? That would put me off, but that's just me.

How old is he?
Had he been married to any of the mothers?
These are one of the questions i'd be asking.
Why has he had a blaze attitude to contraception ?

In your situation, I’d be wary too.
If he’s supporting four Children, unless he has a very well paid job, he will always be short of money.
He’s making you feel guilty on your 3rd date!
I’d get out now, find someone who makes you smile and feel carefree instead.

I wouldn't go near him!

Imagine having to deal with that many ex partners for a start, and if you want kids too - how long before it's 5 kids four women?

Pitiful

Hell no! And the youngest is only one! Allow your brain to override your ovaries on this one. Then run for the fucking hills.

Well it depends why. I have four children to three men. It's just the way things worked out for me. One child is the result of a short term relationship when I was 20, two are from a long term relationship that didn't work out and one is my husband's.

Run

Not a chance

Run for the hills.

What little he has, he should be using to support the mothers of his existing children.

The four children by three different women are just the ones he has decided to tell you about. There are likely to be more in the pipeline. If his youngest is a one year old, he's potentially quite likely to still be sexually/romantically involved with the mother (contrary to what he might be telling you). You will end up being baby mother no. 4, 5 or 6 by some broke bum who can't afford to even date you.

Don't go there, as you deserve so much better.

you know what they say
when someone tells you who they are, believe them

Run!!!

Sorry to use the expression 'baby mother', it's not mean to be derogatory or demeaning to anyone.

Where do want this to go? Do you want to be a stepmum in a very complicated set-up?

Invest your time and love wisely.

My head would tell me to run. Are these children from marriages and LTRs or flings?

I’d be running. It may be judgmental but geez four children and three mothers not a chance too many complications.

Well he's certainly not someone to be having kids with. And he'll never have much money or time (that's assuming he is a decent father and would you want to be with him if he wasn't?).

If he sees all his children regularly and has good relationships with his exes and ensures all his children are well cared for emotionally and financially I wouldn't necessarily see it as a red flag, thats massively unlikely though and I don't think you should stay around to find out.

My gut feeling would be to end it.

Nope
No way is he’s good potential partner right now.
His youngest is only one?
He needs to concentrate on working to support his kids and ensuring a relationship
With them all not a new girlfriend

Sorry OP I wouldn’t be considering even a ONS with that man

No way, I wouldn't even consider going on a date in the first place tbh, but that's just me.

I wouldn't be dating him. It just sounds like a chaotic and careless attitude to reproducing, particularly as his youngest is only 1 and he's already onto another woman.

I would care and it would be a deal-breaker for me. That's a lot of custody schedules to juggle!

'He keeps reminding me how hard it is to pay for nights out', even though you are paying your share? To me it sounds like it won't be too long before he is too skint to do anything unless you pick up the tab. 3 dates in and he is laying the 'skint' cards on the table hoping you will be nice and understanding and offer to pay for him, mark my words.
As for the multiple kids by multiple mothers I am surprised you went on a second date, although you did say he has all the patter and that probably exactly is what charmed the others into bed.
I did laugh at his 'celibate for 6 months'. With his track record it's highly unlikely.
He sounds like a ten a penny player to me.

How on earth is he managing contact time for all of them?

[waits for the inevitable "Their mums are bitches and won't let him see them]

You would be a fool to fall for it, OP.