Porn problems, I hate it!

[Anony123]

My boyfriend has watched porn from a young age and says he is addicted. He is 21. He always said he never watched porn but I caught it on his phone and got so upset. It broke my heart because I disagree with it when in a relationship. I feel like it affects our sex life as he learned about sex from porn and isnt amazing in the bedroom which I am okay with because what matters to me about sex is the intimacy. But also he was watching it a lot and we were having sex less which left me heart broken. When I found it I broke down in to tears and couldn't even look at him. The fact that he is getting off to skinny little porn stars makes me feel like I'm not enough for him and the fact that he was doing it so often broke me into pieces. I couldn't look at him, I felt horrible being naked in front of him. He wonders why I have body issues but him watching porn instead of coming to me really doesn't help! So I told him I can't be with someone who watches porn as I feel like it's betrayal and he said he would stop. But I found it on his phone last night and when I confronted him he said it's because he is addicted and he is trying to stop. I'm devastated! I don't know what to do! It's killing me but I really love him and our lo together and really don't want our relationship to end but don't want to be with someone who choses porn over his girlfriend and that I feel so horrible and unattractive to (even though he tells me I'm beautiful all the time)

That’s exactly why I’ve gone off oral sex , female to female is all what my H watches!! Hence seems to be all he is interested in with me , I know some women wouldn’t moan, I find it freaky

@yetmorecrap
Your H likes to watch lesbian sex.
So - many people on here object to porn because it objectifies and exploits women.
But lesbian porn, surely, is better on that dimension.
He is not imagining sleeping with them - it’s clearly for a visual stimulation that he is watching.

What’s your main problem with it?

He is not imagining sleeping with them

Yes, yes he would be.

But I doubt if OP's boyfriend is "addicted" to porn. There would probably be problems in their sex life without it, and they'd find other things to argue about. My intuition is its just a scapegoat for other problems.

Perhaps a listen to this may be of use

www.stitcher.com/podcast/audible/the-butterfly-effect-with-jon-ronson

Scott - I agree about the OP’s boyfriend issues. And their general disfunction....

As to w/w porn - I just meant - many women on here object to M/W porn - as the man ‘uses’ a woman, and men imagine being that man...
With W/W oral action - the women are of course sexual images for the viewer - but a Male viewer isn’t immediately in the picture.

Sort it like if a straight woman watched M/M action.... More to appreciate naked male form...

To be frank if it was the odd few times a month away for work etc I wouldn’t have quite the feelings I do, 4 or 5 times a week behind my back at home whilst I am out, sometimes more than once in a day, yep I have an issue with that with a guy who tells me anything more than ‘occasional’ is a bit off. He at the moment is not aware I know it’s this much

@yetmorecrap
Has the relationship and/or intimacy changed in any way? Is that what’s bothering you?

And, of course - he’d watch porn when you are not around. It’s a solitary activity, mostly.

Unfortunately there is a tidal wave of men with ed and other issues due to porn use.

Many men prefer it to sex with their partner precisely because they don't have to care about what their partner's needs are, they can be utterly selfish.

Once a man has perfected a technique on himself which doesn't require a satisfied partner he is unlikely to ever want regular sex again.

It is scarily common and your self esteem is unlikely to improve in such a relationship.

The most predictable outcome is for you to live like room mates if you stay together as men have big egos and won't want to perform for women who criticise them.

Me too yetmorecrap... I'd thought dh only indulged while working away. You know,
because he was do lonely... It's taken up to this week (years) for him to admit it was at the every day, sometimes several times a day, stage. Whenever he had a spare moment really, such as when kids were in bed and I went for a shower. That sounds like an addiction to me. And he thinks he won't go back to that because he now knows how bad it was. Pull the other one. I doubt any of us ever know the real scale of it at first.

‘Once a man has perfected a technique on himself which doesn't require a satisfied partner he is unlikely to ever want regular sex again.’

Ladies - you do realise boys start masturbating st a very young age. Way before they have any chance of real sex with a live woman.
So - by the time they get to that stage - (sex with a partner) - they have already perfected the ‘technique’.
Most men would also tell you that solo sex and sex with a partner feel different. (Just like it is for us, women)

So, in reality - while some men do get addicted, develop death grip, etc. Most men (and women) manage to use porn occasionally and without any side effects.

Sort of like - some people are alcoholics, while many people drink some alcohol and don’t become addicted.