Porn problems, I hate it!

[Anony123]

My boyfriend has watched porn from a young age and says he is addicted. He is 21. He always said he never watched porn but I caught it on his phone and got so upset. It broke my heart because I disagree with it when in a relationship. I feel like it affects our sex life as he learned about sex from porn and isnt amazing in the bedroom which I am okay with because what matters to me about sex is the intimacy. But also he was watching it a lot and we were having sex less which left me heart broken. When I found it I broke down in to tears and couldn't even look at him. The fact that he is getting off to skinny little porn stars makes me feel like I'm not enough for him and the fact that he was doing it so often broke me into pieces. I couldn't look at him, I felt horrible being naked in front of him. He wonders why I have body issues but him watching porn instead of coming to me really doesn't help! So I told him I can't be with someone who watches porn as I feel like it's betrayal and he said he would stop. But I found it on his phone last night and when I confronted him he said it's because he is addicted and he is trying to stop. I'm devastated! I don't know what to do! It's killing me but I really love him and our lo together and really don't want our relationship to end but don't want to be with someone who choses porn over his girlfriend and that I feel so horrible and unattractive to (even though he tells me I'm beautiful all the time)

That is so wrong to say that if I give him more sex he won't use it. I shouldn't have to feel that I have to give sex to stop him using it. I want sex more than him. We used to be on the same page but not anymore. I always ask him what he would like in the bedroom and have tried things for him to spice things up. I literally couldn't do anymore!

You sound like a jealous person, if even porn stars make you feel envy.

But, I must agree with all the other posters, if you don't want him to watch porn and he doesn't listen, then you have to either accept it or walkaway

Boom and there we have it.

Lynspop's wife isn't really having better sex because he uses porn, OP.

As you've already observed, it makes men detached and unloving. It becomes less about the intimacy and connection amd more about technical 'expertise' - which might be useful when tuning an engine, but not when responding to the sexual cues of your partner.

And then the final whammy of give him more sex and he might not use it so much.

Just ignore.

@lynspop I don’t have an issue with porn as long as my OH isn’t watching it all the time (which it sounds like the OP’s partner does so she has my full sympathies). Your cringeworthy posts about how great you are in bed, and how the OP should just give her partner more sex are moronic.
And I agree with the PP who said sex with men who watch loads of porn is crap. I’ve had far better sex with men who just go with the flow of the moment and aren’t following a tick box exercise of all the fake bullshit they have ‘learnt’ from watching porn. I bet your wife is just a great actress who fakes her orgasms

Maybe if you give him more sex, he won't watch porn as much.

Oh of course his porn habits are the OP's fault...

• My wife actively encourages me to watch porn. It takes the pressure of her to have sex when she's not in the mood/on her period/whatever and is a safe and secure place to release sexual tension.

Porn has actively improved my sex life as you learn all the tips and tricks, which she benefits from.*

Those two sentences seem quite contradictory... but also, it appears that your wife encourages porn because she doesn't want to have sex with you at that moment (for whatever reason). That's clearly alright with you - but personally; it's important to me to have a similar sex drive to my partner.

Horses for courses; as is everything else. This isn't about porn. You've shown your boundaries; he's trampled on them.

Lynspop, you are a complete bell end.

It's comments like that which perpetuate the idea that men need porn and fuck what women think, so unbelievably sexist.

I have a friend who watches a fair bit of porn.

Once, in a dry spell, we had sex.

He often asks to repeat it. He says it was really good and that he often thinks about it. It wasn't and I always turn him down.

Technically, it was probably good but I've had far better sex with men who were far less technically adept.

Oh dear, someone's ego has been bruised a little!

Oh my God your poor poor wife!! Send my condolences on her complete dickhead of a partner! She is probably only with you for how great you are in bed....Oh wait no...no that can't be it since you are obviously shit in bed as you learned from porn you stuck up asshole!

How embarrassing to have to ‘learn’ from porn.

Look, your guy is watching a lot of porn because he's getting something from that which you aren't giving him. That's just my opinion. No point attacking me.

I just think porn is a positive thing.

There is a big difference between guys ‘occasionally’ using it and often when away from home and guys using it in secret 4 or 5 times a week secretively at home and sometimes more than once a day. It’s all very well being cool about it if it’s in the open and hasn’t become a big habit, when it has, personally I find nothing kills my libido more , therefore they create a viscous circle. I simply don’t like the idea it’s swishing round their heads all the time or they develop an obsessive interest in one ‘type’ of activity etc. Fair enough if you both enjoy it, but this very often isn’t the case. Frequency and whether it’s open or not do matter!!!

I really have to blame the OP here, he's unsatisfied with the sex from her, so he's watching porn

This makes absolutely no sense anyway.

How is watching someone else have sex a substitute for having sex yourself? Or going to improve your own sexual experience?

Don't get me wrong, we all enjoy a bit of 'quiet time' but it's no substitute for a living breathing person!

And let's just imagine a man (or woman) would prefer his (her) partner's technique were slightly different - she's (he's) good, but just not quite hitting the mark for him (her), how is it going to be improved by not having sex and wanking instead?

This is just an excuse given by sexually inadequate men.

I can't think of a single time I've had porn swishing around my head while having sex. I'm thinking about my wife and the actual sex I'm having.

Look, your guy is watching a lot of porn because he's getting something from that which you aren't giving him. That's just my opinion. No point attacking me.

The fact it requires little more from him than lying on his back with his cock in his hand, I'd imagine.

Porn creates lazy, unresponsive, selfish lovers. Whatever some men might choose to tell themselves.

has the OP actually tried to have a discussion about what he/she wants in the bedroom or about sex? All I can see in the OP's post is accusations and insults rather than an actual discussion.

@lynspop but if you are ‘learning’ from porn then you must surely be referring to it in your head during sex to make sure you’re performing the way the porn stars do?

Lynspop, as I said that can be a viscious circle and he isn’t getting it as often ‘because’ he has a wife who is pretty pissed off!! Men managed for years to get off without all this on tap stuff, personally I think I preferred the days of some men having a small magazine stash!

Yes we have had massive talks about sex and what we both want and we have both tried new things for each other. The problem is the frequency and that it has made him become selfish in the bedroom

once you've got the technique down that works for your partner, why on earth would you need to refer?!

And I guarantee that porn saved a lot of marriages. Where do you think guys learned about sex in the old days?

Sure, you get sex education in school's now, but who is going to teach a guy or girl about the intricacies of sex like how to give good oral sex and all that stuff? Porn!

So glad I don't have a partner that includes porn and techniques in our sex life, we actually can enjoy it between our two selves, we don't need other outside help.

OP, ignore the blame; you are entitled to your opinion, esp on porn, I dislike it myself but guess it's an element of life that is always there now; even young men are using it too much and it's giving a false sense of what a loving sexual relationship is really all about. In our society, it's all about a quick fix isn't it, porn is just the same, but worse as it exploits and damages.

If he can't or won't give it up, I'd give him up, absolute turn off for me.