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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Porn problems, I hate it!

210 replies

Anony123 · 25/05/2018 09:13

My boyfriend has watched porn from a young age and says he is addicted. He is 21. He always said he never watched porn but I caught it on his phone and got so upset. It broke my heart because I disagree with it when in a relationship. I feel like it affects our sex life as he learned about sex from porn and isnt amazing in the bedroom which I am okay with because what matters to me about sex is the intimacy. But also he was watching it a lot and we were having sex less which left me heart broken. When I found it I broke down in to tears and couldn't even look at him. The fact that he is getting off to skinny little porn stars makes me feel like I'm not enough for him and the fact that he was doing it so often broke me into pieces. I couldn't look at him, I felt horrible being naked in front of him. He wonders why I have body issues but him watching porn instead of coming to me really doesn't help! So I told him I can't be with someone who watches porn as I feel like it's betrayal and he said he would stop. But I found it on his phone last night and when I confronted him he said it's because he is addicted and he is trying to stop. I'm devastated! I don't know what to do! It's killing me but I really love him and our lo together and really don't want our relationship to end but don't want to be with someone who choses porn over his girlfriend and that I feel so horrible and unattractive to (even though he tells me I'm beautiful all the time)

OP posts:
OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 12:10

Nah, it's about the money more than the sex, it's a job.

And given that the research/evidence suggests that porn is very male centric and focuses very little on female sexual arousal and pleasure, I'd suggest that it serves as a What Not To Do rather than a How To manual.

Adora10 · 25/05/2018 12:10

it's a normal and natural pastime

For you clearly, I prefer reality myself.

Adora10 · 25/05/2018 12:11

Spot on OhGrr

Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:11

Damn, there's a lot of unhappy partners in here.

Frosty66612 · 25/05/2018 12:13

@lynspop haha can’t believe you are saying porn is ‘natural’.
Masturbating is natural, but watching some fake actors having OTT sex is not natural. Men and women survived for thousands of years before it became a thing

Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:14

and I bet people are having better sex these days!

OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 12:14

Damn, there's a lot of unhappy partners in here.

How do you work that one out?

Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:16

I really do feel bad for the state of the OPs (and everyone else's) relationship. It's a sad state of affairs when bad sex is going on.

Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:16

I mean all you people must be having either no sex of some pretty terrible sex, as you are all such prudes!

OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 12:18

Don't feel bad for me.

I'm fine Smile

FloraFox · 25/05/2018 12:18

lynspop I'm still wondering how many men you've had sex with who do and don't use porn?

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 25/05/2018 12:18

Lynspop...you sound like my ex. He was convinced he was amazing in bed, boasted that every woman he’d ever slept with had squirted, knew every position etc. In reality he was completely shit in bed, thought the clit was a bloody light switch and had clearly watched far too much porn. Delusional twat. I bet your wife is on here somewhere posting about how god awful her husband is in bed she has to resort to telling him to sort himself to spare her the 7 minutes of his porn fuelled acrobatics.

OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 12:19

Not watching porn doesn't make you a prude, you idiot! GrinGrinGrin

Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:20

I've not had any sex with any men

Frosty66612 · 25/05/2018 12:20

@lynspop I have great sex thanks. We are at it all the time and can’t keep our hands off each other. The chemistry between us is crazy! Neither of us have sat down and taught ourselves what we know from watching porn though. And we are certainly not prudes just because we don’t watch porn regularly. Guess if you fancy each other enough then good sex just comes naturally. Shame it wasn’t like that for you and your partner and you had to work at it so hard.

Anony123 · 25/05/2018 12:20

Okay back to my post. I dont like porn but could maybe live with it if my boyfriend didn't watch it so often and it didn't negatively affect our sex life.

OP posts:
Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:21

Final thoughts: Sex is obviously a prickly subject for the prudish around here, but to the OP, if you aren't happy in your relationship, just leave! Regardless of porn habits, you obviously aren't happy and neither is he by the sounds of things. Find a great new guy (who keeps his porn secret).

sadiesnakes · 25/05/2018 12:21

@Lynspop, piss off now please. Op is asking for constructive advice, and dosnt need or want to hear about your seedy porn based sex life. She's said porn is ruining her relationship, so therefore it is and you have no place here boasting about your sad relationship with porn. Hmm

OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 12:22

I've not had any sex with any men

So how can you possibly comment on the quality of sex with men who use/are addicted to porn vs those who don't/are not?

Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:22

@Frosty66612 Keep telling yourself that!

Frosty66612 · 25/05/2018 12:25

@lynspop you are an embarrassment. I bet your wife would spontaneously combust with humiliation if she could read the nonsense you are spouting on here

Lynspop · 25/05/2018 12:25

@Frosty66612 I obviously just hit the nail on the head - I doubt you're having any sex.

OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 12:26

Anony123

  1. but it is negatively affecting your sex life so that is what you have to respond to. Not a hypothetical situation in your head.

  2. you have said it makes you feel bad about yourself; it shouldn't.

  3. you don't have to change what is acceptable to you for him.

Adora10 · 25/05/2018 12:26

We have a Friday troll!

Frosty66612 · 25/05/2018 12:27

@lynspop eh?! What are you going on about?!