Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

[CoatsProtectionLeague]

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

Dodgy as fuck. He’s up to no good and if you said any more misdemeanours and he’s out, you should do yourself a favour and stick to it.

He is messaging someone behind your back. Hes cheating.

1. He has history of trying to pursue someone on social media/sexting.
2. He has scanning software installed to remove evidence after every session
3. He took selfie in the bath to send to his latest

I think the situation is clearly beyond reasonable doubt at this stage.

Op hasn't answered whether the picture is of his face. I assumed it was of another part of him all together.

I'd kick him out on the basis that he's behaving like an utter pillock. And obviously takes himself way too seriously.

Everything FizzyGreenWater said.

And also those posters who say that in the context of previous form, defensive attitude, and clearing all his history all the time - agree.

You are not the one one throwing away a 20 year marriage here, OP.

Your H checked out at least five years ago.
If he was serious at that point five years ago about the relationship you would have had access to his phone and to his laptop at all times. He would not dream of showing you the contempt he showed in his response to you.

I second the advice to pack his bags and tell him when he is ready to talk you are ready to listen. If he wants back in again then it should be on your terms, and your terms will be full disclosure and complete access to his devices at all times. There should be no expectation of a time limit to this openness.

It is really shitty that you feel you are the one making the decision here about the marriage.

Please remember that he has shown you what his decision is by the way he has conducted himself since he was last caught.

You should book a STD test.

A4710Rider I know the feeling!

Your gut is right, your H is as dodgy af. Clearing his cache doesn’t prevent damage from viruses damaging his computer, so it’s a pointless exercise. If he wants to secure his laptop against viruses then he needs a firewall and anti virus software. The only thing he’s doing by clearing his cache is clearing his activities on and offline.

Come on OP, your H is a sleaze and he thinks he’s moved his sleazy ways underground. Urgh, he sounds horrible.

I hope you've got someone in real life to confide in OP, take care.💐

Hey SuagrpieHoneyPie- no is the answer hence coming on here.

I didn’t want to give anymore away that I felt comfortable with given how quickly threads can be plastered all over the Daily Mail.

Apologies to anyone who felt they were left dangling but my survival instincts have kicked in and I need to put myself first-something I’ve neglected to do lately.

I chose not to question but to quietly investigate- it was pretty easy guessing at logIn details and so far I have found social media accounts showing that he has indeed continued to creep and pursue other women. I cannot find evidence of anything physical but at this point I really couldn’t care. Our marriage is over- pure and simple.

What now? Well this is where I have to put into place my contingencies I started a few years ago- we are due a decent return on an investment in about 6 weeks time after a period of 2 years.I’m going to take half of the money - send the kids to my sisters in Surrey,pack his bags, change the locks and tell him to speak to my solicitor.

Wow- he’s so brazen I looked up a couple of the women- one came to our wedding and is his work colleagues wife (to be fair she batted him off constantly) and 2 more I have mutual close friends with where we live.

I can but imagine people around me are having a great laugh at my expense- the silly sap with the dog of a husband.

How awful. How great they won’t think of me like that in six months.

Admire your strength OP.
Look after yourself

OP I'm so sorry. But not at all surprised.

Nobody will be laughing. He's probably covered his tracks well. The women stupid enough to be involved with him - they're hardly in a position to be laughing at anyone really are they... One thing, when this comes out hisis not the only head which will be spinning like a top.

My advice now though would be to stay very calm and give yourself a day or so to really process this before you take any action. For example, that payout. When it comes through, where will it land? In a bank account accessible to you both? Be well aware that once you take action, the first thing he is likely to do is swipe that cash as soon as it appears. So be VERY careful. Honestly, if there's no way you can secure it so that he cannot get to it, I would wait it out and keep shtum until it's in the account then instantly move the money THEN tell him. And I wouldn't be taking half. I'd be taking 2/3 and informing him that it will stay separate to cover all the childcare he now won't be doing, uniform, presents, shoes he now won't be buying, travelling and petrol you now might have to do in order for them to see him. Until maintenance and the terms of your split are thrashed out.

Also - pre telling him: get your ducks in a row, as they say. Proof of his wages and pension. Make sure you've got all personal stuff like photos secure. Passports. Make sure there's nothing he can swipe when you tell him that will make your life difficult. Get proof of earnings, savings, everything. Photocopy his passport.

Good luck.

I’m so sorry OP, I have a friend in this situation, she’s only been married 18 months too and in late 40’s. She gave up a great deal too to move a very long way and he turns out to be a serial ‘in need of ego boost’ person. I think it’s a sickness with some of these guys, they can still love you (Which many do) they just need that extra bit of cake in life to give them a buzz. Very sad I think.

So sorry Coats, what a scumbag. Better to find out now than later. Very best of luck and all the strength in the world to you

Great advice fizzy thank you.

I thought I’d be buying kitchens this bank holiday. I’d best swerve that one as I’m going to need the funds for my 4 kids not a nice kitchen.

I think I might be in shock. I’m laughing, like-a lot.

Sorry to hear that op, scumbag indeed. You sound very together and organised, good luck.

"How great they won’t think of me like that in six months."

Attagirl. What a bloody great attitude. I only hope I could deal with the same situation with such wonderful resoluteness and strength.

You are doing the right thing. Be circumspect for just a couple of weeks and get your ducks in line, then unleash a bomb on him.

"How great they won’t think of me like that in six months."

Attagirl. What a bloody great attitude. I only hope I could deal with the same situation with such wonderful resoluteness and strength.

You are doing the right thing. Be circumspect for just a couple of weeks and get your ducks in line, then unleash a bomb on him.

Oh Coats, I am sorry. Undoubtedly you will be in shock (I know that feeling - the weird, unnatural buzz), but you have to just ride the wave I believe. Just try and keep your hands on the steering wheel so to speak.

Apart from that it sounds like you have the brains and the determination to get yourself out the other side. No-one will be laughing. Literally no-one will be laughing.

The very best of luck.

I'm probably missing something but did the OP's DH actually say he didn't mean to send the pic? She has said that they don't send intimate pictures but if he took it and sent it on purpose thinking it was on the right side of acceptable only to have the OP react as though it were not the kind of thing he should be sending to her then it's easy to understand he might say there was nothing sexual or inappropriate in the picture.

Good snooping and good decision.
You sound strong and resolute.
Take your time - do it all properly.

If my DW says can you send sine pictures then chances are I'll send what she is asking for and add in a cheesey selfie for a laugh, not in the bath but none the less....

Good luck - wishing you all the best and lots of strength.

@Harmlesschap things have moved on somewhat.

Sorry to hear that its turned out this way OP, but you are dealing with it brilliantly. I am sure no one is laughing at you. There was a sleazy guy at my work (married) and the common consensus was that he was an absolute dick and that his lovely wife deserved far better than him. It's great you have a plan and you come across as very strong and determined. You will definitely be better off without him in your life.