Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

[CoatsProtectionLeague]

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

Coats I'm (discreetly) standing at the side lines willing you on.
For what its worth over 20 years ago my parents split up when I was 11. Obviously it was a hard time but my mum got her shit together very quickly and the stability of lots of other things not changing can not be underestimated. We were all fine and my sister and I had a very happy and secure childhood in spite of what went on . Everything you are doing will ensure ot is as easy/normal as it can be for your DC. You are doing an amazing job.
I once heard a brilliant story that I will share about a fantastic women that got her twat of an XH to sign house over to her as he was in a rush to leave her for a 21yr old student. Unfortunately fast forward a few years later and her XH had been bleed dry by the OW and he ended up having to pay rent to his XW so he could live in the basement of the family home!

I'm sure you're already doing this, but just in case:

• disable any auto-saved passwords on computers/phones/iPads etc. If you flit between private and normal on iPhone, sometimes you don't realise that the password has been saved. Caught me out with an ex who was reading (and acting on) my emails for weeks.

• have every device password protected with a complex code.

• disable notifications on phone/iPad so they don't come up on a locked screen.

Good luck! You're doing great x x

Oh - and also disable any cloud sharing or similar.

Thanks ladies all passwords changed, iclouds ditched last week- even for groceries and family/shared stuff.

Im on it.

Tomorrow- I’m going to switch off and Monday evening I’ve booked a swimming lesson for myself. Im going to set myself a goals, it’ll help with stress and you cannot cry under water can you?

I hope the instructor, is a 6ft 6, rugged,blonde, Sweedish man called Sven. Could do with the distraction.

Loading up a prepaid credit card could be handy for you too.

You're doing fabulous. I'm full of admiration when betrayed spouses are decisive, tactical and recognise your worth.

The total lack of respect for you...sending his side piece pics of your DC.

He's probably called Keith and wearing Speedo's 😱

Buy some Amazon gift cards...

You can buy groceries etc with it.

Just dropping by to cheer you on @Coats

You're doing grand lass.

Just thought - car breakdown service in your sole name?

Go through your bank statements to check no service etc has been missed off your list.

Just to add to the well done's, you're an inspiration.

Look after yourself emotionally too

Book a little break for you and the dc for the start of the summer holidays, it will be just after the reveal and a good time to get away together.

I’m in awe of your resourcefulness! It’s probably been said before but cash-back at the supermarket is hard to trace, and can top up savings nicely.

You're doing so well. What's your timescale for telling him it's over?

Just want to say well done Coats and keep going. I expect your wisdom will be very useful to many who may find themselves in a similar situation.

You are being amazingly calm.

I would also agree with the poster who mentioned normal expenditure.

You will have to list your spending with the solicitor. My friend was encouraged to get her hair cut, legs waxed, nails done as a matter of course so they can be taken as outgoings. You don't need to carry it on after the settlement.

You are being amazingly calm.

I would also agree with the poster who mentioned normal expenditure.

You will have to list your spending with the solicitor. My friend was encouraged to get her hair cut, legs waxed, nails done as a matter of course so they can be taken as outgoings. You don't need to carry it on after the settlement.

Catweasal- it’s being done- I was advised the same

Coats, hope the swimming lesson is a great distraction. I love that you are setting goals for yourself- what an incredibly positive attitude you have, you are pretty amazing.

You are being amazingly calm

Indeed. It's almost surreal...

Don’t be fooled.

You don’t see me crying in silence most nights Harry. You don’t see me wake up at 4 am sitting cross legged on the rug staring at the birds I think I can see. You don’t see me looking at my beautiful kids arguing around the table and helping the youngest with his HW and how I have to feign a hay fever attack as I cry into a bundle of kitchen towels wondering how my kids turned out so well. I’m wretchedly Uncalm inside.

I’d agree about the surreal but though.

There’s so much more I cannot say as it would jeopardise mine and the childrens’ wellbeing. I’ll keep a lid on it. For now.

Oh op, 💐 x x

Don’t be fooled

I'm not fooled, CPL. Don't worry.

Hi OP I think you are extremely bright, brave and strong. I really admire you.

I have just read your very first post and it says that you agreed with him that if he did this again HE would be out instantly.

Why are you going and not him?

Wings

I am arse covering.

Once he knows he will do everything he can to control me again- he will take, hide, break and claim ownership to back me into a corner.

He won’t have me anymore so will do what he can to make sure he boots me in the flaps metaphorically speaking. I have seen how he treats people at work when they won’t acquiesce - I know him well.

I’ll have all my good stuff out and under lock and key. I am bracing for such time as I will have to survive with him in the house- I sincerely hope it won’t come to that. I’m imagining he will cut off money- if it comes to that I will have the basics and the children can continue life as regularly as they are able if he stops and decides to spend all his money on other more exciting endeavours

I will not have their lives crashing down and no distractions/routine/hard earned treats taken from them with their dad says it’s because “Mum broke up the family” when in fact it’s because their father is a cheating, cowardly, weak, narcissist, piss-stain of a human being who thought he could drag his jizz-soaked knuckles around and have it all.

Nope.

Now writing that felt good

You are amazing.