Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

[CoatsProtectionLeague]

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

Don't forget pedicure too!

Don't know about hair, but it seems unlikely it'll cost more than 150 unless you go to a truly swanky place in Knightsbridge.

Am lying in bed feeling sorry for myself (snotty cold)...

Treat yourself to new bedding - clean sheets for a clean start. Ones which are not tainted by his touch!

His ego will probably mean he thinks the 'glamming' up is for his benefit anyway...

Yes Slowdown is more prone to believe your theory.

H is the type of man who publicly likes to mock me and once during a party- another friend’s husband had mentioned his brother was flirting with me outrageously - H-in front of everyone fell about laughing followed by a “yeh, right-Coats has them falling at her feet!”

It’s it funny how this all comes to the surface when you have the time to do a proper relationship autopsy . I’m glad he said that now.

relationship autopsy

I love that!

Coats is any of the stuff in the unit his?

Sorry to be a party pooper but just tread careful. Don't let your excellent planning backfire.

Oh Coats - the more you reveal about him, the worse he sounds.
It won't be long before you start being thankful that you're getting shot of him, I promise.

thumbs there’s so much more I cannot reveal for obvious reasons.

Yes - this makes me feel so much stronger. I mean, I see it clearly now. He wanted me to believe nobody would want me. Why else would I look elsewhere or think I could do better than H?

Cunt.

Walkabout
No all mine and the children’s stuff

Sorry that you have to go through this OP. What a *!!!!!** your 'h' has been to piss away his marriage like this. Your strength is amazing. Life has thrown you lemons and you're like..stuff the lemonade, let's make gin! Anyway only posted to say check online schoolpay system to see if you can prepay for school trips etc next year and check garage for offers that allow you to buy 2 or 3 car services in advance as a money saving measure.

Thanks 5leaf
Car servicing will be done

Coats! You're amazing and your children are so lucky to have you. Just imagine when you're free of this man, what a feeling that will be. You're bound to have your down/sad days but your future is going to be so much happier. Well done, we're all right behind you.

Makes you wonder what crap he is feeding OW just how much longer until he leaves you for her...

I reckon never the plan is to always have wife and mistress!

Phew! In that case nail his balls to the wall (hehmm metaphorically speak of course ).

You are doing brilliantly. I actually think you are writing the manual on how to exit effectively. Keep digging your escape tunnel.

A few other paid in full ideas

How about an annual cinema pass so you can take the kids through the winter months. Or an annual family pass to a local attraction?

What about some big food shops pre booked for after he's gone to stock up on essentials for the next six months.

Paid fill annual Netflixs account.

The list is endless depending on how much you've got!

Entertainment treats for the kids would be good though to keep morale up post split.

After your hair/nails. If you want to screw with his mind. Get your self some underwear that he would like (even better if he has asked you to wear), but don't wear it while you are with him

DrMorbius- you are evil.

No mind tricks needed. He will lose his mind when he loses his very precious commodity, of skivvy and beard.

I’m certain of it. I have to start believing in my worth now. I value so much in so many others- it’s unkind to leave myself out now.

Just to play devils advocate, I would really get some solicitor advice on all you are doing (bar buying gift cards and things for kids), as I know when my other half went through a divorce, all bank statements went to solicitors and they may pick up on all you spent in the lead up and use it against you. I really cannot stress enough you need some legal advice and they do offer 30 min free appointments as other half used they before it all went to them properly

Raindancer everthing I am doing is reasonable
I am looking after my children and spending a very small sum on myself. Nothing else can be traced or is illegal.
I will run it past my solicitor - thank you for your advice.

I bet there'd be an amusing change in his attitude if he thought there might be someone else interested (although you should invest in yourself because you're important, not to wind him up). Another one posting to say he's awful and you're amazing.

iTunes gift cards
Vouchers for the cinema
Top up your travel cards...Oyster card etc
Get a manicure, pedicure, hair cut etc
Hair cuts for the kids
Replacing clothes etc
Get ahead with any bills etc...maybe you can get them in credit? Gas, electricity, water etc
Kitchenware for your new place?
Cash in any points you have on joint cards...I’m thinking Amex points here, but I’m sure other cards you may have could have points...maybe even frequent flyer points?
Pay any subsidies up and ahead of time...I’m thinking kids sports clubs, art classes...whatever
Optometry, dentist, podiatrist, physio, orthodontist, medical check ups...get them all out the way

All the best op...you sound like you have your head screwed on.

Usually last 6 months of statements so depends when OP starts proceedings

Also possession is 9/10 as they say. Plus when it's spent it's spent. So many men have hidden or spent savings so it isn't there anymore. There's precedents galore for it.

I think it’s worth adding here that I’m very organised and my spending always increases in the run up to xmas. This year I’m hoping to have all the DC presents wrapped and ready by end of July.

If you get an air miles credit card then use it for everything (paying it off each month, not suggesting you get into debt!) you could rack up lots of points to help with the cost of future holidays.

I'd go to the solicitors ASAP and get things rolling before you make the official announcement. Don't assume he's not ahead of you on that front - he thinks you are still on the back foot.

Thing is, slutty jealous types like him will think everyone else wants to be like them. So I bet he might think you're trying to see someone.

Let him think your glamming up to win him back as it were.

I just remembered another issue:
Regarding the car: Do you have a car in your name? A car can only be in one person's name.

Unfortunately, in my personal experience the family car was in exH's name. Shortly after we split up (but were still living in same house and I was on maternity leave (no income)), he wrote an email to me and said he withdrew consent to me using 'his' car but that I could ask him if there was something I needed it for. There was nothing I could do. It is illegal to take a car without the owner's consent, and I wouldn't have been covered by insurance if there had been an accident. It was difficult - everything I had previously with the car, I could no longer do without telling him about it and getting his express permission. And if an accident happened and I wasn't doing what I said I was going to do with the car I would have been in hot water.

So one of the first things I had to do was organise my own car.

If this is your situation, make sure you have plenty of money set aside for a [big enough and long-lasting] car for you and the kids.

Also keep in mind that car insurance may be more expensive. I was named on his insurance, but the insurance was in exH's name so I could not use the no-claims years when applying for insurance in my name.

(Speaking of insurance - make sure you have insurance in your name for the things in storage)