Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

[CoatsProtectionLeague]

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

But Scottish National trust.
Much cheaper and can be anywhere in UK

He thinks he's so clever, just let him keep thinking it. Wont be quite so thrilling for him when he's texting from his bedsit or his mum's spare room.

Freda wise words.

Good post, FredaNerkk.
I would second this: “I wouldn't put the money into a solicitor's trust fund - at least not more than a sum you feel happy with. Some lawyers have a tendency to bill to what the client can afford. For instance - let's get Counsel's opinion on this, let's make an interim application, call me if you get any fresh information. I would put the money in accounts which you title - Legal Fund, or in your mind allocate to legal funds.“

You are so strong and just amazing OP. I wish I'd done this in a previous relationship.

You are nobody’s fool OP - catching up on this thread since I first commented on it a week or so ago I am just so impressed by your nerve and commitment to see this through, even in the face of your D(for dickhead)H’s increasingly flagrant behaviour.
As someone who’s been through divorce myself, I know you won’t always feel strong but your actions are more than strong enough to carry you through the darker moments, you have GOT this! 👊🏻

FredaNerkk, wise words.A lesson I wish I knew about.Assumed ex would be fair and then had to fight really hard for 50:50 as he hid and spent money before court.

Excellent post from Freda there and one I wholeheartedly endorse.

There is no point in you even considering being fair because he won't be. Every mm you give, he will take a foot. Start high and then you might end up getting something reasonable - if you start where you want to end up, you have no wiggle room and he can still beat you down.

Remember - however low you think he couldn't possibly go, he will still manage to surprise you and go lower. So always expect the worst - because it's likely that is what you will get! ESPECIALLY when another woman is involved - because she will be egging him on to keep all the money for himself and her, and calling you a gold digger and so on. He will take zero account of what he knows of you, zero account of your children and their needs, and only consider himself. This is also part of the script - so you aim for more than you think you will need and then maybe you will get what you actually do need.

...sharing selfies of him and my DC all having a good time-he’s sent OW photos of the DC. That’s so wrong.

It is. It really is. It gives you an idea of the depths to which he will stoop too, so be careful.

I found a text from my exH to his second beard telling her he had just finished reading our youngest DC a bedtime story and was heading off to bed. Some men buy a cute puppy to impress women with. Some use their children.

(exH had only started bothering with the bedtime story thing when he knew - but hadn't tole anyone yet - that he was moving out and had already started looking for an apartment. He set DD4 up for a loss, though at age 5.5-6 she had already experienced many years of bedtime stories from me, so we took up where he left off when he moved out.)

Been watching your story unfold op and you have my utter admiration.

Back on track.
“Fuck him.
Fuck them all the fuckers!”

I’ve decided the day before I tell him I’m booking and paying for a spring holiday for just me and the children and taking the money out of savings
Before he’s had a chance to notice a further 70% will be put away for safe keeping

We will have deserved that holiday. I have next Monday and Tuesday off (clearing the house and doing nothing but tip runs) taking everything I will need or can sell and taking it to the unit.

A practical matter- I want to hide some iPads and a Mac laptop - if they’re switched off and in my unit can they be traced using Find a Friend software? I don’t want to give away the location of the unit when H finds out I’m done and we’re over.

Sorry clueless about technology ! But just to say, your doing fantastic 💐

As far as I know the find a friend app locates the last point it was on and had internet signal. So if it's off it should be ok. But you can disable the app before you take it?

You are an actual real life super woman!

@CoatsProtectionLeague so pleased you are getting your ducks in a row! When you have a tough moment come back and draw on all the support here x

Heiheithechicken I was wondering if there was any other ways that they could be located using GPS etc? I have to protect that unit at all costs and will have everything covered.

I’ve have got this. My kids need me.

I’m also getting a new phone next week (first thing H will do is cut off my phone) I have backed up all contacts and photos and it will stay in the unit charged until I will need it.

I’m so tempted to set up social media accounts and to reach out to H to see how he operates so I can use this when I tell him it’s over- but I’m in 2 mind’s about that. The main thing is I will have a phone that he can not control.

Don't do it! It's too risky. Keep on track. You have enough evidence and you are nearly high and dry.

Ah I'm with you, I don't think so.

Ah I'm with you, I don't think so.

Ah I'm with you, I don't think so.

Ah I'm with you, I don't think so.

No, don't set up social media accounts. You have the evidence you need, and more importantly, in your own mind you know it's over. You'll only end up torturing yourself with that kind of info.

You're doing so well. Your planing will pay off big time.

Thank you, I do this is true.

You're doing so well. Is there anything else he has access to (email, social media etc) that you can lock down too?

Will you want to transfer your current phone number? It's fairly easy to do this.

I feel shedding the old number I’ve had for 20 years will be important. Thank you for the heads up though.

And no. I made all new e mail accounts that he has no access to and of course I’m blocked out of all of his social accounts because he doesn’t want me to see his carefully constructed other life.