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Original poster

Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

1000 replies

CoatsProtectionLeague · 24/05/2018 09:19

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

OP posts:
Raindancer411 · 31/05/2018 08:06

Your solicitor can tell you what you are entitled to, and usually when kids are involved, it's the guy that is kicked out of the house. Have you spoke to anyone yet?

Mamia15 · 31/05/2018 08:17

I would see a sol sooner than later - some offer free 30 mins consultations.

As the primary carer and if you have been a SAHM, you may be entitled to more than 50% and don't forget to go after his pension (s).

Be warned that you will crash eventually so be prepared.

Huskylover1 · 31/05/2018 08:25

DO NOT leave the family home, with 4 kids in tow.

He does not get to cheat, and then stay all comfy in your home.

You have rights, certainly at least until the youngest is 18.

Please see a Solicitor. Please don't make this easy for him. HE is the one who has to leave. He can get a one bed rental, which is far cheaper than finding a rental for 5 people, also, he will feel the full force of his actions when he is in his little studio flat, and can see you 5 still in the family home.

Don't leave!

Original poster
CoatsProtectionLeague · 31/05/2018 08:46

andalongcamabadger

I will book that. I’m just not ready for it and yes I suspected the same. I’m not surprised at anything anymore.
I don’t even know who he is.

In other news I get a text first thing this morning which woke me up (dammit I actually managed some decent sleep as well) a friend was distraught as her DH has pissed off with another woman leaving her and the kids last night Shock

Poor thing Sad

OP posts:
ConfusedNoMore · 31/05/2018 09:08

Hey op. You're doing so well.

I ended up leaving family home with our young son. Bastard changed the locks on me and despite making noises about him going, had no intention of doing so. I was actually afraid of him so moving back in was not an option.

You sound like you have the practical stuff covered.

Leaving puts you at a disadvantage as you won't be able to force him out and if he doesn't behave like a decent human being during the divorce (and why would he, because he hasn't during your marriage) then your legal fees will rocket.

You will be told you can't change the locks on him. You can. He is entitled to get access back to the property though. The only way to get him out if he won't go willingly would be a non molestation /occupancy order. My first solicitor put me off doing this and I wish I'd have been stronger and done it.

The other thing I wanted to say is that you've also got to think about your stuff.. Not monetary value but what matters to you. Write a list and keep it in the lock up. Day before you tell him, gather all those items ready. I had to fight like hell to get any of my stuff. Bastard denied me access and put some of my things in a skip.

MaggieFS · 31/05/2018 09:31

OP, I've been reading since the start and I'm in awe of your strength and what you are doing. I'm getting worried though that if some f-wit media picked up on this and included all the information you've given, it's not beyond possibility your DH could put the jigsaw together? I'm purposefully not repeating everything in my post, but I think there's enough that in isolation could have happened to anyone, but not all of them to anyone else.

You've got a huge amount of support on this thread, and that can continue. I wonder if the time has come to start a new one, share a link so we can continue to support as I know it's important to you and then get this deleted. Then keep restarting every so often.

Good luck OP.

Original poster
CoatsProtectionLeague · 31/05/2018 09:43

confusednomore
I have all the precious irreplaceable things moved. He would never have noticed anyway. Every milestone, baby books, photos, sports awards, kids stuff in their own boxes has been taken away and is in my second home (my unit) and I will continue to build upon what’s in there. I also took 2 servers that I know contain irreplaceable stuff.

Whilst sorting stuff I also found boxes in our loft of H and his exs enjoying parties and holidays. I don’t have the strength now but I will take all of that and put it in the unit too- gut tells me this could be used as leverage.

No weirdness regarding cash yesterday but his baths have been getting longer- if only he knew I knew. Hmm

I’m not going to apologise for this because it’s made me feel so much better but he has a lifestyle hobby (which I suspect is used a lot in his infidelity) and every few days I’m throwing an item away. If he thinks I’m going to wash his bollock-sweat entrenched gear he can think again. Everything else is business as usual.

OP posts:
Raspberryapple · 31/05/2018 09:47

Piss in his mouthwash! Sew prawns in his pockets!

I would also buy Merlin passes for you and the kids. When I left my ex I needed a sofa, bed/s, at least one set of drawers and things to cook with/white goods if they don't come with the accommodation. I don't know which area you're from, but most local FB selling should have the bigger items going cheap.

OP - you are truly commendable. I would have flipped my lid by now and blew everything. I hope life shits on your soon to be ex from a great height.

AgathaF · 31/05/2018 10:00

If you are concerned about privacy on this thread, then it could be moved to the un-googleable place if necessary.

daisyboooo · 31/05/2018 10:20

Absolutely in awe of your inner strength here OP. No way would I be able to keep my cool like you have. Keep going. Victory will be yours the day you 'unleash' with your friend present.

Take his fucking lying secretive cunty cunt head to the cleaners & wipe the floor with him.

Hold your head up high xXx

Sending Thanks

SandAndSea · 31/05/2018 12:26

Dentist? (I went to the hygienist recently and it was really expensive.)

MotherofTerriers · 31/05/2018 12:52

Don't forget you have a dog. Take your lovely husband a nice cup of coffee and a slightly pre-licked biscuit. Repeat when you are feeling a bit down in the dumps. Raises the spirits considerably.

Mxyzptlk · 31/05/2018 13:34

boxes in our loft of H and his exs enjoying parties and holidays
ShockShockShock
Seriously??

Gemini69 · 31/05/2018 13:35

I’m not going to apologise for this because it’s made me feel so much better but he has a lifestyle hobby (which I suspect is used a lot in his infidelity) and every few days I’m throwing an item away. If he thinks I’m going to wash his bollock-sweat entrenched gear he can think again. Everything else is business as usual

just remind yourself about what he has thrown away...Flowers

EleanorHooverbelt · 31/05/2018 13:39

I’m not going to apologise for this because it’s made me feel so much better but he has a lifestyle hobby (which I suspect is used a lot in his infidelity) and every few days I’m throwing an item away. If he thinks I’m going to wash his bollock-sweat entrenched gear he can think again. Everything else is business as usual

Good, OP! Grin

Whatever you do wouldn't even begin to pay him back for what he's doing to you and the kids.

Whatever makes you feel better and whatever gets you through, I say.

Skybluepinkwithyellowspots · 31/05/2018 14:02

I am in awe of you OP!!

You never really know how strong you are, until you have to be!!!

You are amazing and an inspiration to others, but please remember to look after yourself as well, this will rock your world and you need to be fighting fit Thanks

Original poster
CoatsProtectionLeague · 31/05/2018 15:08

I’m enjoying the grocery shopping. It feels strangely empowering Grin

I’ve had a fantastic day so far. Thank you all.
We all have a party to go to shortly for a friends new baby- just us. I cannot wait and it will be good to know in my mind this is how it will be- just the 5 of us x

OP posts:
woder · 31/05/2018 15:15

Good work OP, but I really hope you don't take the advice to piss in the mouthwash.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 31/05/2018 15:19

Veet in his shampoo.

Puttingthefootdown · 31/05/2018 15:29

Veet in his shampoo.
Grin

Raspberryapple · 31/05/2018 15:33

@woder Grin I was suggesting it from personal experience.....

Raspberryapple · 31/05/2018 15:34

WASN'T***

Definitely have not done that.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 31/05/2018 15:52

Def didn't leave Veet on my exh's testicles that bit too long... Wink...

TheMonkeyMummy · 31/05/2018 16:24

Maybe book an Easter break for you and the kids next year, give you all something to look forward too. Me and my kids always eurocamp out of season. Cheap, cheerful and all you need is sheets and towels.

Dentist and hairdressers for You.

Beaverhausen · 31/05/2018 16:59

@Puttingthefootdown that is excellent idea lol

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