Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

[CoatsProtectionLeague]

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

OP you sound like a incredible, switched on, strong woman.
I hope when the time comes you nail the bastard!
Thinking of you and your children and sending you strength and hope for new beginnings

OP, you are AWESOME!!

If you have any pets insure them and pay for the whole year up front. Are you intending to stay in the house? Pay for a homecare type agreement so you have boiler/plumbing/electrician coverage for the whole year and pay up front?

On the smaller scale, yes to stockpiling cleaning products, anything that isn't going to go out of date. Washing powder and dishwasher tablets are expensive. Light bulbs. printer cartridges. batteries.

The thing you found on his phone the other day, is that proof he is cheating?

Who goes to the trouble to buy cleansing software to hide something, yet uses such basic passwords, his socisl media accounts can be hacked within three guesses?

Just thought ,.. if you do all the finances how has he squirrelled £600 away? Be careful ... he may be watching more than you think

Once the money in and transferrred you could ... on the day of disclosure ... take all DC shopping for new clothes and trainers. But he'll spot this unless day of telling him.

I'm concerned with this money you found he is already thinking like you

Harry- the kind of dumb twat who thinks now he can shit on his own doorstep and I won’t find out.

I'm not sure a few packets of dishwasher tablets are going to help the OP if she is turfed out of her house as she suggested.
OP have you got access to credit, in your boots I'd be taking out a 0% credit card so you can pay for an AirBNB or other emergency accommodation if need be.
Usual advice about copying all financial documentation and seeing a solicitor also applies.

Cutting the only thing I can think of is he’s stockpiled cashback for when he goes to Bristol on business.

I would know if he’d rumbled me. I’m certain I would know.

That said- I will never fail to be surprised by what another human being is capable of. I don’t think I could learn anything more awful but I’m prepared. I’ve had a go at imagining them in my head - to prepare.

I’m not sure that’s healthy though.

We have a dog I didn’t think about her

I am in awe! I can’t imagine how hard this must be but it will be so worth it in the end!
Have you sorted phone contracts?
Have you considered what you’ll do about laundry? Will you have a washing machine & dryer where you go, or do you need to sort out getting one?

Saving stamps from the supermarket when you do your shop (and get cash back!).

Oh gosh just caught up. OP - you are amazing. Keep going, you can do it x

So impressed OP. Only just joined the thread.... Has kept me quiet for the entire train journey! Been there, got the t shirt and out the other side 100 times happier.

You rock.

A pp mentioned National Trust membership which is a great idea. Is there anywhere else that you could get membership/pre-paid entry for? Even Merlin membership! That way you’ll have options for entertaining the kids when it’s all feeling crappy

These are great. Adding to the list. I can prioritise over the coming days.

Lurking here too op and waving pom poms!

I know its not everyone's style but you could add some essential t-shirts/ hoodies/ jeans etc in bigger sizes for kids when doing your food shop. That way it's 'hidden' with the grocery shopping so doesn't need to be explained. (Apologies if that's already been suggested!) ...or buy a whole new wardrobe for yourself! 😁

Stamps. A few packets may come in useful and they never go out of date. Ditto Euros/foreign currency if you are planning any trips abroad, or school trips.

Christ.. the Cash back registers as shopping does it ? in the supermarket ? that IS BRILL

Umm

Savings stamps in tescos sainsbos, iceland do an extra ten quid per hundred I think
That's if they still do them op

Yep, I've been cashback saving in my fuck off fund for a while

New winter boots, hair colour and cut, vouchers from hairdresser for future colour and cut, new clothes for you and children, perfume, tickets for a show to take the children to later in the year. Keep going - you're amazing!

I'm so sorry you're going through this but I'm also so pleased you're sharing it with us. I'm so impressed by you. You're like some secret husband butt-kicking ninja!
Can you say you're going on a hen weekend or similar in a few months and book something for you and the kids? From the sound of it he'd be pleased to have this 'opportunity' to do whatever he's doing that he won't even complain about the money or any extras you may need to buy. I know it's not useful stockpiling, well part of it could be, but I think it could be good for the soul.
Xxx

Op you can buy top up visa cards in many supermarkets, they are designed as gifts but obviously when you pay for them they come up as the supermarket. So you buy a visa card topped up to the value of £100, it appears on your bank statement as tesco / sainsburys etc and looks like shopping.

They may be useful to have in storage if you do end up with your accounts tied up in legal knots

Deceitful originally you mentioned the kitchen if I'm not mistaken could you not pretend that you've commissioned the kitchen and you had to pay £1000 deposit and it's on order for 12 weeks ?

Love that idea. I need to do what I can now 6 weeks will fly by.

Much though I’d love to book a trip I think I have to prioritise things the kids need.