Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

[CoatsProtectionLeague]

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

Oh yes, you are very, very smart! Love your nicking of the Mysterious Envelope of Cash What on earth is he going to do?

Love your attitude to your Unit, too.

He is going to learn whether he likes it or not. Good on you.

The £600 could you copy the notes and put the copies back, if/when he uses them he'll get done for counterfeit notes??? 😂😂😂

YES!!!! I love that you took the money!!!
He’ll be thinking he’s dropped it or lost it and hopefully be feeling worried about how he can siphon some more off without you noticing.
Can you causally nick his nice watch and pawn it too? And hide one of his favourite pairs of shoes? Just fuck with him a bit for fun

Complete curveball
If you were turfed out of your house
What would you need desperately that’s costs ££££

Over the coming weeks I will start to stockpile what I can
I have 4dc who need blazers so will buy them the next size up from the September batch I will purchase soon.
I will get new bedding. I’m going to stock up on gift cards to give them for xmas.

I’m thinking luxuries that we will have for at least 6/12 months -age range (15 -11) that stack up. I’ve stockpiled stuff from boots for the DDs.

Any practical suggestions will be warmly received.

Why will you have to leave your house?

That's such good thinking OP. Also, money to set aside for any upcoming birthdays or any outgoings that only happen once a year (MOT, tyres) anything like that that you can just put cash aside for. School shoes. Bus/rail/tram cards. School books/sport equipment musical instruments. That's all I can think of for now!!

Money for uniforms is a good idea... but personally I would squirrel away as much untraceable cash as I could get my hands on

I have to do cash carefully

It’s easier to explain a big spending spree due to recent events. Hence my planning gift cards etc.

Mind you that’s risky too as it’s not my style but we do have a lot of birthdays in july so I can certainly make some headway.

Can you pay ahead for all of their clubs and interests?

Glasses/ contact lenses/ orthodontics

Cash back on every supermarket run. 30 quid each time?

Thank you they all attend clubs at regional level.
I will work something out with their coaches - H has no contact with that side of the kids lives.

Take care with gift cards as they usually expire one year after purchase. Think the paper ones (rather than cards) from John Lewis last longer.

Cashback.

So simple. Brilliant.

Credit on their school dinner cards? Any big trips coming up with school that could be paid in advance?

lotsofplanetshaveanorth

Thank you ✅

I haven’t done this particular situation but have had several big overseas moves - which makes me wonder if there are other practical things you could do before the shit really hits?? Any annual appointments (dentist/ smear test/!kids reviews) - might be good to get some out of the way

'Just fuck with him a bit for fun' naughty but....might be fun to make him think he is loosing the plot a bit!

Need any annual travel cards? Membership to National Trust?

Pace yourself

Cash back at every opportunity, £20 each shop and squirrel it away slowly

@coats, you are awesome! I don't think I've seen a thread before where the OP has handled her cheating DP with such strength from the very first day. Sending lots of positive thoughts x

Will you be staying in the house or selling it - either way is there anything that needs doing? To make it more comfortable for you, or easier to sell? If so, maybe do it now...a gardener round to spruce up outside, replace a tatty carpet, that sort of thing

Thank you pickle & thebluedog

BettyBaggins
No chance- I’m on track and need to focus also no booze I need a clear head. Maybe the day before my friend comes I can rub deep Heat on his gussets-until then. Focus.

MotherofTerriers

Fantastic thank you. Very sound advice. Noted.

Start over buying washing liquid and conditioner and cleaning products and toothpaste, shampoo yadayayda oh and toilet rolls ... with 4 you must get through a tonne ... oh these will take up much space in storage me thinks

Who's name is electricity/gas bill in? If yours start overpaying to build up excess. You can move the account with you if HAVE to move

If oil/logs/coal fill up now if you think you can stay

Winter shoes for you/new coat/ new clothes

WINE / GIN .... just saying

Tinned and packet food and rice and pasta ... plastic box to store in case of vermin in storage unit. Popcorn and basics for a cake .. flour, sugar, icing sugar ... for those times when chilling with a film

Throws? In case it's cold and you can snuggle under them instead of wasting fuel? Say you're redesigning the lounge

Oh annual paid up front for eg Netflix (do they do this?)

I can't believe his Gaul in being a lying deceitful git and also squirrelling money away £600 ... that's obscene.

You've got it. You're on adrenaline ... just remember that. But you so rock. Never again to be walked over and treated as nice but dim

For what it's worth, when I found out my OH was cheating I kept quiet for nearly 2 months while I collected evidence and got organised. It paid off. But it was very very hard. If you can't have someone in RL to talk to, can you at least get away from him when it's getting too much? If you were interested in losing weight/getting fitter/doing a charity walk you could say that you need to pop out for half an hour/an hour in the evening. I used to drive to the gym and just sit in the car park sometimes......

Cash back is a fabulous idea. The kids dinner cards too. coats you are being so calm and brave. Your children are lucky to have you.