Should I let him back?

[SprayingMonsters]

Morning 👋🏼

DP and I have been on a break for near enough three months now, yesterday he sent me a text saying that he wants to come back home.

The reasons for the break were :

• He doesn’t help out with the children (I have three children under the age of 10)
• Not interested in doing things as a family
• He is unsupportive
• I don’t agree with that he does

Shall I let him back? I have been doing well by myself.

Thanks and please go easy on me

EllenRipley - He is not going to change he has more or less always been like this, I guess I just put up with him because I wanted more children.

Have only seen enforcement officers on telly but it looks bloody awful.

He’s a hacker? (as well as a complete failure of a human being)
Have you checked to see if he’s put a keylogger or spyware on your devices, or a hidden camera in your room? Sounds the type. If he won’t control himself and chooses to tantrum again, report him to the police, you’d be doing your kids and society a big favour.

RachelTeeth - I really don’t care; he can do what he likes, he has already violated me by hacking my Instagram account, which I used to keep in touch with friends and family, what else can he do.

Good luck.

There is lots more he can do if you keep on engaging with him.

AnyFucker - Like what? I’m not scared of him and I will not be engagjng with him

I refuse to take anyone on here serious, who uses the phrase “pull up your big girl pants”

I have to say I find it such a patronising phrase.
Can't stand it.

I'm very fond of my Big Girl Pants mind..

OP....counselling is a talking therapy.... and a person suggesting you see a counsellor doesn't have to be a doctor.

It could be something they found helpful in a similar situation.

People have counselling for a variety of reasons.

To talk through their problems in relationships.

When they lack in confidence or have low self esteem.

When they've been in an abusive relationship or are still in one.

For childhood issues

And so much more.

It's about having a therapeutic relationship with someone you build trust in and who helps you to understand yourself better, enabling you to deal with challenges in life.

Ditto @ AnyFucker

SandyY2K - Thank you, but I don’t feel comfortable with going to counselling, it is just how I feel right now.

I saw a psychiatrist when I was getting divorced. It was so useful. He really helped me to stop the torment from my ex. It was bloody brilliant and the first and biggest step to freedom.

Wallywobbles - I am tormented by him, every time I think about him I get very angry, you know what... I’ll think about it!

Have you considered doing the freedom programme op? I think it would help in your situation.

TheBogWitchIsBack - No I haven’t and I don’t intend to, maybe if I was being physically and verbally abused but I haven’t.

I won’t be getting back with him, I need to focus on living completely without him and also I need to tell the children.

Abuse isn't just physical or verbal. You seem quite defensive about it. I suggested it because it helps women reclaim their control.

TheBogWitchIsBack - Ok? Control over what? I have control over the whole situation.

Save your anger for the person who deserves it ..I'm offering suggestions to try to help you.
You don't seem in control at all. You rolled over the moment he turned up at your door and then within hours of saying he was gone and how much you were done with his shit, your were paying off his debts.
I'm sorry it seems very harsh but those are not the actions of a woman in control of her situation.
Someone who continually violates your privacy, disappears for weeks and abandons his children to punish you, turns up expecting sex, food and a skivvy is abusive. I'm sadden that you don't even recognise it.
I wish you the best of luck op, I really do.

I can’t get over anyone paying someone else’s tickets. Enforcers cannot just enforce a bill by a specific person from someone else. All you had to do is quite rightly say that he no longer lives there, then get on to the company to in case there is more outstanding. Why add to the drama and subject yourself to further conflict trying to recoup money you did not need to pay?! The misplaced anger and stroppiness towards genuinely supportive posters is pretty sad to see. You roll over against a genuine piss taker and even pick up the tab, yet you get rude and prickly to people who are trying to be kind and helpful. Wow, OP you DO need some sort of talking therapy because you are misplacing your anger and lashing out against the wrong people. Not good for you or your kids.

TheBogWitchIsBack - Sorry if I came across rude just then, I don’t mean to be. When I said I have control over the situation I meant I do because : he can not come back here, if I didn’t have control over it, it would mean that he come come back and fourth when he wants, he can come here if he wants but he will not be getting back in.

I paid the debt because I didn’t want the stress of them coming back here, this is where I live I don’t want to be afraid every time the door knocks thinking it is them, I’m going to try and forget about todays events because the more I think about it, it feels as if he has a hold over me, I will not ask him for the money, I just want to forget about it if I didn’t have the money spare I wouldn’t have paid it, yes I have taken a loss but it’s not important.

TemptressofWaikiki - I have already explained why I paid it, the debt was in his name but my address, I don’t know the address of where he has been staying, and I would never ever give out his parents address just out of respect. It is over now I do not need reminding about it.

It is your money OP and you don't owe me an explanation. But you have kids and any spare cash would be better spent on you and them. I can see why you might just write this amount off in exchange of being shot of him though. But there might be a lot more outstanding. Debt collectors are bound by certain regulations, which prohibit various unfair business practices, such as "pursuing third parties for payment when they are not liable" and "sending demands for payment to an individual when it is uncertain that they are the debtor in question" and "requiring an individual to supply information to prove they are not the debtor". The problem now is that they will automatically come to you rather than actually trying to recoup it from the one responsible. I would strongly advise you to send a so-called ‘notice of disassociation’ to for example Experian, Equifax and Callcredit, ditto inform the bank or any other potential financial ties, to pre-emptively remove your ex from your credit file and ensure your finances are definitely separate and you have no other nasty surprises.

Just to let you know he came by last night asking me how much he owes me, I spoke to him from behind the door I told him it’s fine and that I didn’t want the money and to just leave us alone, he then said if I keep him away from the children they will grow to hate me and when they are 18 they’ll be off.

Sorry once again if I come across rude yesterday towards some posters, I was just in a state.