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Original poster

How should I deal with his sulking?

466 replies

User010101 · 15/05/2018 21:08

The has happened quite a few times before and normally I confront him or try to coax him out of it. This time I've had enough and can't deal with this childish behaviour any longer.

Today, I messaged him at work and we agreed to meet for lunch. I normally go at 1pm but agreed to wait for him until 1:15pm as he said he was busy. Fair enough, except he didn't contact me until after 1:30pm and when we met up he was grumpy and said that he only had time to grab a sandwich and head straight back to work. I was annoyed and was under the impression that going for lunch meant actually going somewhere to eat together. Still, I said nothing...

When we were in the queue for his sandwich I asked him about dinner tonight (he said 3 days ago he would go grocery shopping, but didn't) and he said he didn't know as was out from 6pm. I said I would be happy enough with an omelette and even though I had plans myself tonight,, saidould pick eggs etc up from the shop. He said he didn't fancy that for dinner and I said that he would need to go to the shop himself as he had originally said he would shop for the both of us on Saturday. This was met with silence and when I asked him if he was now huffing with me he swore at me, said I needed to stop nagging him and stormed off.

I thought that would be the end of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. However, he has just come home and is still not speaking to me. I am going about my business and am in the living room watching TV. He went out to the shop there and took ages presumably in an attempt to make me think he had left me. He came home with whatever he had bought, made it for himself together with a cup of tea. He then came into the living room, picked up his laptop and took it into the kitchen (he normally goes on it in the living room).

I'm at my wit's end. How on earth do I deal with this? It feels surreal and almost like a joke. How on earth can he be sulking? I did all the housework at on Sunday while he went off for a 5 1/2 hour cycle (which apparently left him too exhausted to move) but now I'm supposed to feel guilty!! Would appreciate any thoughts as very annoyed.

OP posts:
odig · 16/05/2018 12:48

If you stay with him this is your life forever, they get worse. The resentment you feel will ruin your relationship anyway, so why waste your time trying to be fair, how much of his headspace is taken up with being fair to you?

If you give him notice he will win you round, then gradually revert back again.

HollowTalk · 16/05/2018 12:49

This guy's main relationship is with himself. He doesn't even make the effort to see his own child. You're bottom of the list - you're there to facilitate him.

Honestly, you need to get rid of him and start again. It's so depressing reading about someone living like this.

Whisky2014 · 16/05/2018 12:50

Who can be arsed dealing with this shit? Leave him

timeisnotaline · 16/05/2018 12:56

You really don’t need to give him two weeks, he already stays st his parents every week so he doesn’t have to look after his dd- he can just go there. Or somewhere else if he prefers, his problem!

FinallyHere · 16/05/2018 12:59

still managed to get housework done. He was lovely to me on Sunday evening

Hoping you can see the connection here @User010101 If you put your own needs aside, act like a servant to make his life better, he will play nice. Mostly.

You deserve so much better, while he knows that he is into a good thing. Be prepared for him to turn on the charm, get angry and generally try everything, except, possibly, treat you like a decent human being would treat a loved and desired partner to stay.

Why would he leave quietly , he has got it made. All the best, there is lots of support here in MN to help you see how manipulative he is. There will be people on this thread who know how it goes, who can predict what he will try next. All the best

hellsbellsmelons · 16/05/2018 13:00

Oh dear, and he gets worse.
Please stop putting yourself through this crap.
Life can be very short and you want to live it like this!??
Please don't.

Get him gone then get some therapy for yourself to find out why you are willing to put up with this amount of abuse and shitty behaviour.

Also look up co-dependency. You may find yourself there.
The Womens Aid Freedom Programme may also be very helpful for you.

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/05/2018 13:04

Please dump this arsehole. He'll be sad and sweet for as long as he needs to be to make you feel bad, then he'll be right back on being an arsehole. I've been with one if these myself. They do not change.

DUMP.

Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 13:07

He just text me their other none of the usual Xxx at the end to say his aunt had asked if we were going to her house this evening.

I wrote... Tell her no as you're still huffing with me, have upset me and I don't want to be in your company.

OP posts:
Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 13:08

Sorry, he text me there with none of the usual Xxx at the end.

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 16/05/2018 13:19

God what a tedious man, you won't know yourself when you get shot of him .

Ryder63 · 16/05/2018 13:20

OP, you obviously don't value yourself - and he knows this. You are hanging on, waiting for 'nice' texts from him, apologies etc; that I doubt will be forthcoming.

Please value yourself more and get him the fuck out. Yes you'll miss him initially - but the peace of your own home without an overgrown brat in it will soon kick that into touch.

TitZillas · 16/05/2018 13:21

So to summarise - he insults you, is rude to you, is incredibly selfish, gives you the silent treatment when he doesn’t get his own way, and makes you unhappy.
Why are you with him?

hellsbellsmelons · 16/05/2018 13:23

Ohhhh. that was the perfect opportunity to say
NO. But you should and take your stuff from the front lawn and see if she will have you until you find somewhere else to live.

Eminado · 16/05/2018 13:28

DO NOT get pregnant!!!! Havent rtft but please promise me you wont have a baby with someone like this. Not saying you plan to - just triple underlining the point.

TRUST ME you will be soooo miserable.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/05/2018 13:31

Oh lord an exercise obsessive. And a chauvanistic, lazy, selfish, enitled one at that.

He doesn't care about you. Or, horrifyingly, his child. He only cares about himself and his triathlon training.

He does not like it when someone makes that point to him. So he responds with stonewallng. To put you back in your place (a bit like the personal insults).

He won't change.

Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 13:45

I just text him to say that his sulking is absolutely not acceptable. I said that his 8 year old DD sulks from time to time but even she gets over it quicker than this.

I also said it might be time to call it a day. I remembered that told me at one time he had gone for 'personality' with me and I said in my message he was now free to go for 'looks'.

OP posts:
Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 13:45

Read but no reply!!!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 16/05/2018 13:48

Yeah!
You finally found your back bone.
Well done.
Hopefully he agrees and just leaves.
It will be hard but the relief you will feel will be huge.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/05/2018 13:54

I also said it might be time to call it a day

To be honest, that could sound like you're not actually serious about calling it a day. I think you need to emphatically end it, with no room for confusion/misinterpretation.

But God, you will feel amazing once that feeling of freedom hits!

SendintheArdwolves · 16/05/2018 14:05

I also said it might be time to call it a day

I know it's really easy for us to say LTB and really hard for you to do, but please try to be really honest to yourself about this. What are you actually, really hoping to happen?

Complete personality change so that he stops putting his training first, becomes a decent father and pulls his weight domestically? = come on, we all know that just isn't going to happen. Don't pretend to yourself that you consider that to be a possibility.

Him to totally dig his heels in and act so unreasonably that you finally feel justified in leaving the relationship = totally possible, by why not just skip the middle bit and leave now? You don't need it to reach a certain threshold of bad before you're "allowed" to leave - you can just end it.

A bit of lip service to the idea of being better for a few days/weeks, grudging apology and for him to vindicate your feelings, so that you both agree that he was out of line = totally possible. But if you go for this one, at least admit to yourself that you are prepared to settle for so very little.

Basically, he the only thing he can realistically offer you is the acknowledgement that you are the "good" one in the relationship. Are you happy to settle for that? Bonus martyr points and the knowledge that you are always making allowances, doing things for him and generally lifting the heavy end of the log aren't really all that brilliant a reward for a life, OP.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 16/05/2018 14:05

You need to kick him out. He's not going to change. He might make an effort when he realises you won't put up with his shit - but it won't last.

pointythings · 16/05/2018 14:08

What I get from your posts is a lot of sadness. You need to find your anger and your self esteem. Know in your heart that you deserve better than this and then sling the sulky fucker out.

CocoaGin · 16/05/2018 14:22

He sounds really hard work OP, and like he puts everything before you. And he's only happy when you're doing his bidding. That's not a relationship, it's a dictatorship

Life really is too short. You deserve better Flowers.

blueangel1 · 16/05/2018 14:23

This is all about control, and you've ended up fighting a battle of wills with him. He clearly wants to put himself first at all times, and if you are happy to go along with that, it means you are always going to put yourself second. Is that really what you want?

We always have two choices in any situation; accept it or change it. If you can't change it, you have to accept it, and if you can't accept it, you have to change it. If you're done, you're done, and there's no point prolonging the agony.

JMHO, of course.

user1494409994 · 16/05/2018 14:31

Use your day constructively and start packing all his stuff up in bin bags. Let him go and stay at his mothers. He clearly has very little regard for your feelings.