How should I deal with his sulking?

[User010101]

The has happened quite a few times before and normally I confront him or try to coax him out of it. This time I've had enough and can't deal with this childish behaviour any longer.

Today, I messaged him at work and we agreed to meet for lunch. I normally go at 1pm but agreed to wait for him until 1:15pm as he said he was busy. Fair enough, except he didn't contact me until after 1:30pm and when we met up he was grumpy and said that he only had time to grab a sandwich and head straight back to work. I was annoyed and was under the impression that going for lunch meant actually going somewhere to eat together. Still, I said nothing...

When we were in the queue for his sandwich I asked him about dinner tonight (he said 3 days ago he would go grocery shopping, but didn't) and he said he didn't know as was out from 6pm. I said I would be happy enough with an omelette and even though I had plans myself tonight,, saidould pick eggs etc up from the shop. He said he didn't fancy that for dinner and I said that he would need to go to the shop himself as he had originally said he would shop for the both of us on Saturday. This was met with silence and when I asked him if he was now huffing with me he swore at me, said I needed to stop nagging him and stormed off.

I thought that would be the end of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. However, he has just come home and is still not speaking to me. I am going about my business and am in the living room watching TV. He went out to the shop there and took ages presumably in an attempt to make me think he had left me. He came home with whatever he had bought, made it for himself together with a cup of tea. He then came into the living room, picked up his laptop and took it into the kitchen (he normally goes on it in the living room).

I'm at my wit's end. How on earth do I deal with this? It feels surreal and almost like a joke. How on earth can he be sulking? I did all the housework at on Sunday while he went off for a 5 1/2 hour cycle (which apparently left him too exhausted to move) but now I'm supposed to feel guilty!! Would appreciate any thoughts as very annoyed.

Why is he with you anyway? I suppose you're the hired help? It's cheaper than getting someone in and having to pay them isn't it? This sort of man needs to live alone

@NordicNobody

Really liked your post. Very thoughtful and helpful. Glad you found your way out.

He told you where you are in his pecking order and it's no where near the top, tbh I'd have ditched him when he put his DD way down too.

He's not helping your mental state

The most inportant thing to remember is that he cant decide if your relationship will continue. Its a consensual relationship. Even if he was boyfriend of the year, and you were being completely unreasonable you would still have the right to say "you need to leave". "But i havent done anything wrong"...okay. Who cares? Boo for him. He still has to leave.

People break up all the time when neither has done anything wrong per se. If its easier not to argue, then just stick to the line that the relationship has run its course snd youre fonished with it. Rather than trying to show him where he has gone wrong. He could decide to leave tomorrow and there is nothing you can do about it. And you can decide too. And there isnt anything he can do about it (actually), either.

I couldnt persuade my ex that i was finished. He admitted everything but still couldnt take me seriously. A few months later I took the keys off his ring at night and then text him to let him know. It was cowardly, but I had tried splitting with him numerous times before and he would always guilt me back in. I was unable to be as angry as i should have been so found it difficult to deal with the fake tears and did anything for an easy life.

Do it the "cowards" way if you need to. The end result is the same. Whatever works for you.

NB; I was very depressed at the time. I think thats why it was so hard, because I was full of hopelessness an resigned to being unhappy. But after the initial difficult phase I felt way better. Best I had felt for a few years (I had been trying to end things on and off for about 18 months).

OP - I posted some links on the last page, please, please read them. But also, the biggest thing here is that you are making the classic mistake of thinking that breaking up with someone is a mutual decision - something both of you have to agree on. WRONG.

If you decide and believe that you are done, thats it. Ending a relationship is a unilateral decision - when one person is done, that is the end of it. What he thinks or argues about is irrelevant. In fact, dont even argue with him. You need to become a broken record: I am done with you, please pack your shit up and leave. Repeat in an infinite loop until he is gone. Do not listen to him, do not engage.

Get him out of your house and your life, and you will find that you have the space to breathe and recover. Consider looking at the no-contact thread here on mumsnet for support as well.

Tell him the relationship is over.
Don't enter into any discussion or analysis or negotiation. Just repeat ad infinitum "this relationship is over, there is nothing to discuss, I have made my decision"

Move on with your life and you will be amazed how much lighter and easier life is without this horrible person.

Then get some counselling to future proof yourself from ever getting involved again with such a nasty piece of work.

The idea of escaping is because I am weak and for me (not for you, as you could go to another country) it would be a coward's way out as my family would be worried about me. I would love to do it though for a few months to just get away and have a fresh start. It's either that or eventually go mad, I think.

Your family would worry. Do they know what is going on and if they did - what (HONESTLY) would they do to support you?

I say this as one whose family indulged in various machinations to KEEP me in the hole I was in, so nothing you say will surprise me.

The type of guy this is will absolutely play on the fact that you are a nice (people pleaser) person. that's why he made the play for your he did.

Yes it WILL feel mean to end this, ending things is never easy at the best of times, but he absolutely WILL use ALL the manipulative tricks in the book to stop you doing it (except being a genuinely honest and decent bloke, of that he is terminally incapable)

He sulks to punish you, to try to get you to do what he wants you to do.

He ignores you when you tell him it's over and he needs to leave - this is classic twat territory.

You HAVE to be focused and determined that him leaving IS what's going to happen and if it comes to it, through fair means or foul, he will be leaving.

As everyone here has said, you WILL feel relief, freedom and be able to breath.

yes you will feel sad, you are mourning the loss of what could have been if he had have been the partner you needed and wanted him to be. he isn't, wasn't and never ever in a million years will be able to be.

OP, if you can't tell him to leave please talk to your family. Explain what is going on and that you want him to leave. Get some real life support.

Aaarrgh op

I am sorry to read your updates

Honestly just get him out of your space

You won’t know yourself after a few weeks, i promise you

He did the dishes a few nights ago... so you've done them ever since then?

Has he isolated you or do you have friends/family who could help you?
If you want him to leave but can't tell him to go - is there someone who can back you up.

Don't give reasons that can be argued against you

Someone else on an earlier post - in this situation- just told the man that there was no reason - she just no longer loved him and that he must leave.

Please just get some friends to stay over and confront him with their help...

I met my ex when I was 17. I ended the relationship 25 years later after 20 years of marriage and four beautiful children. I adore my children they are all amazing, caring and well rounded people I stayed in the relationship for them however when I finally broke and made the decision to end it my older children were relieved and happy for me.
My ex would sulk, if he didn’t get his own way. It was horrendous I had constant low level anxiety. I have too many examples to list but here are a few: when my ds3 was 4 months old he had colic and I was made to sit in the garden with him because he was crying and my dh couldn’t watch the football in peace.
On my 40th Birthday I had flu and my dh was angry and sulking because I hadn’t been to the shops for tea.
He would constantly sulk that he didn’t get enough sex and if I cuddled him but didn’t have sex with him I was a tease.
Since we separated it has taken time and a lot of self care to get over the conditioning that was instilled in me over those years. But I feel light and free. It took lots of courage to break free and I had lots of doubts in the first year as to whether I made the right decision but now I have none my mental health is my priority and my children are thriving.

I suppose I’m trying to say I thought it would always get better one day. One day he would grow up and stop. He could at times be lovely and we did have some good times but they were few and far between. Please look after yourself and make yourself a priority you deserve to be happy.

Any update User010101?

We are all still here for you.

Hope you are Ok User010101