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Original poster

How should I deal with his sulking?

466 replies

User010101 · 15/05/2018 21:08

The has happened quite a few times before and normally I confront him or try to coax him out of it. This time I've had enough and can't deal with this childish behaviour any longer.

Today, I messaged him at work and we agreed to meet for lunch. I normally go at 1pm but agreed to wait for him until 1:15pm as he said he was busy. Fair enough, except he didn't contact me until after 1:30pm and when we met up he was grumpy and said that he only had time to grab a sandwich and head straight back to work. I was annoyed and was under the impression that going for lunch meant actually going somewhere to eat together. Still, I said nothing...

When we were in the queue for his sandwich I asked him about dinner tonight (he said 3 days ago he would go grocery shopping, but didn't) and he said he didn't know as was out from 6pm. I said I would be happy enough with an omelette and even though I had plans myself tonight,, saidould pick eggs etc up from the shop. He said he didn't fancy that for dinner and I said that he would need to go to the shop himself as he had originally said he would shop for the both of us on Saturday. This was met with silence and when I asked him if he was now huffing with me he swore at me, said I needed to stop nagging him and stormed off.

I thought that would be the end of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. However, he has just come home and is still not speaking to me. I am going about my business and am in the living room watching TV. He went out to the shop there and took ages presumably in an attempt to make me think he had left me. He came home with whatever he had bought, made it for himself together with a cup of tea. He then came into the living room, picked up his laptop and took it into the kitchen (he normally goes on it in the living room).

I'm at my wit's end. How on earth do I deal with this? It feels surreal and almost like a joke. How on earth can he be sulking? I did all the housework at on Sunday while he went off for a 5 1/2 hour cycle (which apparently left him too exhausted to move) but now I'm supposed to feel guilty!! Would appreciate any thoughts as very annoyed.

OP posts:
PoshPenny · 16/05/2018 09:20

I'd give him a week at most to find somewhere else to live. Pack up his shit for him and send him on his way. He can stay in a hotel if needs be. This really won't get better whatever he might try and say to you. The way he treats access to his DD tells you all you need to know.

wizzywig · 16/05/2018 09:23

I was going to divorce over this type of unsufferable behaviour. Its hard for others to understand but its like living in a house of misery. Tiptoeing around as if he is a newborn who will wake up if there is too much noise.

wizzywig · 16/05/2018 09:24

Just read you are in a rented property. What id do (because im a cow), is give notice, not tell him and 2 weeks before tell him you are leaving him.

LilySwamp · 16/05/2018 09:26

I'd give him till the weekend to leave max - let him stay
at his mothers.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/05/2018 09:28

do not set yourself on fire to keep him warm.

That is brilliant!

Loads of posters are pointing out all his manipulation. I think if you give him two weeks, he will do a charm offensive and then fail to find somewhere. You will feel obligated to keep him on another week. He will feel more comfortable... and so on.

Just kick him out. Enough is enough. This is your house. He can stay with a friend. Or pay for a room somewhere.

MsGameandWatching · 16/05/2018 09:28

Sad voice is actually a "I know I have gone too far but am still trying to retain the power for future interactions of this nature" voice.

I'd send a message giving him his two weeks notice, actually personally he'd get a couple of days at most, but if you're set on that, I would send it now. Let him know once and for all you are not to be trifled with.

KeiTeNgeNge · 16/05/2018 09:31

I hate that passive-aggressive bullshit

PsychedelicSheep · 16/05/2018 09:31

Oh god he’s a MAMIL too 🤮

They’re are just the worst people. Seriously OP, get rid.

RatherBeRiding · 16/05/2018 09:36

Reading this thread, I can see no redeeming features in this man at all. Thank goodness it is a relatively young relationship and you have no ties - children, mortgage.

He is a massive man-child, and extremely manipulative and selfish. I couldn't get past him dumping his child with his mother on his contact time so he can go off and bloody cycle!

Give him notice. He won't change because he has no reason to change and doesn't want to change, and refuses to see that he is in any way behaving unacceptably.

I'd give him till the weekend to get his stuff together and get out.

FYC · 16/05/2018 09:40

This kind of person sucks the life from you. It’s so hard not to end up walking on eggshells and doing everything yourself.

This is not someone who will step up if you are ill, or when the kids are small. This is not someone who respects your time or your efforts. The default is “you do everything”, anything less is an insult.

He will grind you down. Let him go, he already prioritises his hobby over his existing child.

You weren’t supposed to make him feel like he has any responsibilities at all! How dare you?! They are your responsibilities that he helps with sometimes. That’s all. His only responsibility is doing what he wants to. Anything more than that and it is just nagging.

Buttercream36 · 16/05/2018 09:44

What a vile man. You deserve so much better than this Thanks

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/05/2018 09:48

He's a lazy selfish man-child. He doesn't even put his daughter higher on the list than his hobby. Time for him to go. A week's notice is more than enough. He will wheedle and try to win you round, but stay strong. You know what he is really like.

ThomasShelbysBunnet · 16/05/2018 10:10

My god your post has brought all this back to me - my ex behaved exactly the same and I stuck it out for 9 long years. If I ever dared open my mouth I was nagging, if I looked at him the wrong way in the car it was 'what's wrong with your face today', it got to the stage where he would try and sabotage any happiness I had if I had plans to go out with friends.

Please don't be me OP. I'm incredibly happy now, and thank fuck that I eventually got rid of the abusive prick.

TitZillas · 16/05/2018 11:59

Urgh! You deserve so much better than this shit!

Joboy · 16/05/2018 12:14

Just take his stuff to his mum's. He done with it

Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 12:26

Not a word from him since he left for work and he would normally have text me by now. Should I write anything to him or wait until he gets back later and have it out with him then? So frustrating!!!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/05/2018 12:29

I wouldn't bother texting him now. What would you say? I think you need to have 'the chat' with him this evening. But as others have said, don't calm down and start minimising his behaviour. He sounds like a vile, sulky man child.

I wouldn't bother with the notice, too tempting to backtrack and he will be on best behaviour to win you over. Just tell him to go and stay at his Mum's while he sorts himself out.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/05/2018 12:29

No to either. Talking to him is a wasted effort; this is who he is and he is not for changing. You need to bag up all his things and chuck him out today. The lack of response from him is his way of further punishing you for being you.

Why are you allowing yourself to be tied up in knots so at your overall expense?. You are not valuing your own self either in doing that.

dirtybadger · 16/05/2018 12:34

His hobby isn't the issue. His lack of ability to communicate is. And a decent amount of incompatibility and differing priorities. If his DD stays at his mums, then presumably she has a spare room. He will be alright there for a while.

If he is anything like any of the men (and women, but men are especially bad) I know in the sport, then he could sell his beloved TT bike tomorrow for a deposit elsewhere. But he will probably settle with his mums given the choice....

Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 12:35

I love you but can't cope with this behaviour. I am far from a nag. I am actually very tolerant of how many hours you are out of the house training for your hobby without any/very little compromise from you. After you left me crying my eyes out on Sunday and still went for your cycle, I thought you wouldn't want to upset me again but you have shown me how much you care or consider my feelings.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 16/05/2018 12:36

So he's a shit dad as well. That would be the deal breaker for me. You won't get any better treatment than his daughter. Text now and tell him you've had enough, you're going to spend some of your day off packing up his stuff for him and he can collect it tonight and go to his mum's. Seriously.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/05/2018 12:37

OK....
Then end with:
So I'm done. Your stuff is packed and outside the house.
You can stay with your mum until you find something suitable but I refuse to have a sulky, nasty man in my house a moment longer.
Good bye!

TitZillas · 16/05/2018 12:39

Does this man have any good points at all?!

Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 12:43

I was going to send this but think I'll leave it. The reason I was crying on Sunday was because of a comment he made about my appearance. He was very sorry and said he didn't mean to hurt me but it is something I'm very sensitive about. I cried for about 2 hours and still managed to get housework done. He was lovely to me on Sunday evening and on Monday. I asked him on Monday how many times I had ever said anything negative about his physical appearance (answer-never). I said I wanted to be I. A relationship with somebody who makes me feel better about myself, not worse. His behaviour yesterday shows me he doesn't really care.

OP posts:
sexnotgender · 16/05/2018 12:44

You’re worth so much more than this.

He prioritises his own hobby and happiness even above his child.

Walk away, you’ll always be second best.