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Original poster

How should I deal with his sulking?

466 replies

User010101 · 15/05/2018 21:08

The has happened quite a few times before and normally I confront him or try to coax him out of it. This time I've had enough and can't deal with this childish behaviour any longer.

Today, I messaged him at work and we agreed to meet for lunch. I normally go at 1pm but agreed to wait for him until 1:15pm as he said he was busy. Fair enough, except he didn't contact me until after 1:30pm and when we met up he was grumpy and said that he only had time to grab a sandwich and head straight back to work. I was annoyed and was under the impression that going for lunch meant actually going somewhere to eat together. Still, I said nothing...

When we were in the queue for his sandwich I asked him about dinner tonight (he said 3 days ago he would go grocery shopping, but didn't) and he said he didn't know as was out from 6pm. I said I would be happy enough with an omelette and even though I had plans myself tonight,, saidould pick eggs etc up from the shop. He said he didn't fancy that for dinner and I said that he would need to go to the shop himself as he had originally said he would shop for the both of us on Saturday. This was met with silence and when I asked him if he was now huffing with me he swore at me, said I needed to stop nagging him and stormed off.

I thought that would be the end of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. However, he has just come home and is still not speaking to me. I am going about my business and am in the living room watching TV. He went out to the shop there and took ages presumably in an attempt to make me think he had left me. He came home with whatever he had bought, made it for himself together with a cup of tea. He then came into the living room, picked up his laptop and took it into the kitchen (he normally goes on it in the living room).

I'm at my wit's end. How on earth do I deal with this? It feels surreal and almost like a joke. How on earth can he be sulking? I did all the housework at on Sunday while he went off for a 5 1/2 hour cycle (which apparently left him too exhausted to move) but now I'm supposed to feel guilty!! Would appreciate any thoughts as very annoyed.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 15/05/2018 22:00

How can you be bothered with this? Life is too short. Ditch

category12 · 15/05/2018 22:00

I think you should really have a good think about how you want to live life. There's a danger in waiting until you've calmed down, that you'll start minimising his behaviour and accept this is the way it is - and so the pattern will continue. Is this godawful behaviour of his a dealbreaker?

SingingTunelessly · 15/05/2018 22:00

How long have you been together? Anyway, however long it is stop turning yourself inside out to make everything right for him just to make him happy. He’s a sulky twat. He might change or might not. Honestly sulky people are that way because they can get away with it.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 15/05/2018 22:12

Don't confront him. Just make plans to leave. Sulky fucking selfish man child.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 15/05/2018 22:16

Don't confront him. Don't buy into the belief that it's up to you to make him be a decent human being.

I agree with telling him to go now. As long as you can stick by that in the long run. There really is no good future for you with this waste of space.

Pipsqueak11 · 15/05/2018 22:17

but the silly arse does not really know how you feel or how upset his twattish behaviour is because you have not told him directly . isn't that the first step so you can see if he is sorry / likely to change or not?

category12 · 15/05/2018 22:20

Pipsqueak, OP usually confronts him or coaxes him out of it, so it's not a case that he's in blissful ignorance that he'll be upsetting her. He's sat there waiting for her to wheedle him out of it in full knowledge.

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 22:49

Bet he wonderscwhy your not doing it tonight's.

PsychedelicSheep · 15/05/2018 23:33

Don’t get into it tonight as it’s late but in the morning tell him you can’t be fucked to deal with his ridiculous behaviour and he’d better start learning how to express his feelings properly like a grown up or he can fuck right off.

TuTru · 15/05/2018 23:42

Do it back xx

Dappledsunlight · 15/05/2018 23:50

Agree an ultimatum should do the trick: either he agrees to sit down and talk through what's going on for him so that he offers you some insight and he needs to suggest what changes he's prepared to make or, if he's unwilling to take this mature approach, you say you'll be reviewing the future of your relationship. Don't go into minute detail of his behaviour (he's fully aware of how he's behaving) just state this in a matter of fact way.

FrozenMargarita17 · 15/05/2018 23:55

I would absolutely get rid of this huge fucking man baby. What the fuck. You'll be happier without!

lifebegins50 · 16/05/2018 00:02

If try to bring anything up and ask him to be less selfish and compromise regarding his hobby

I wish I had acted when ex first started to act like this, it definitely gets worse.
At best he is unable to handle his negative emotions and at worst he is an abuser.

You should not have to tolerate sulking however you seem to have boundaries, keep reinforcing them, if he reacts badly then you know you are starting to see a toxic relationship.

Cornishclio · 16/05/2018 00:35

Sulking is very passive aggressive behaviour and exhausting to live with someone who uses this to wear the other person down. He thinks he is in the right and presumably waiting for you to apologise or acknowledge he is in the right. From what you have written it sounds like he thinks his time is more valuable than yours and does not pull his weight around the house due to the amount of time he spends on his hobby.

How you deal with it depends on how much you want to stay with him. I think you need to call him out on the sulking and tell him you won't live like that. If he has a problem with you he should be talking to you not sulking like a child. Hopefully you don't have children yet and I would think hard before having them with him. He sounds selfish.

PrizeOik · 16/05/2018 01:38

You really can't have a relationship with someone who is like this.

Sulkers use miserable behavior to manipulate partners into shutting the fuck up / demanding nothing/ etc. They are generally lazy people who want to have attendance danced upon them. They're the worst kind of partners.

He's only going to get worse. Don't try to manage his behavior or try to convince him to behave better. You're not his mother or therapist. Just fuck him off.

pallisers · 16/05/2018 01:42

Like others I think you should cut your losses with this one.

He is indeed only going to get worse (and what he is now is way more than I would put up with or ever had to put up with in 25 years of marriage)

I tried to speak to him at lunch but he walked off on me after a few sentences. He was unwilling to discuss anything.

At the risk of sounding dramatic, he is training you to walk on eggshells around him and treat his moods as the most important thing in your life. Don't be arsed with that shit.

Honestly, don't try to change him. Just say "we want different things from life sayonara" You won't know yourself.

KeiTeNgeNge · 16/05/2018 02:04

Life’s too short. I’d move on from this arsehole.

Shoxfordian · 16/05/2018 05:46

Sulking is such passive aggressive shitty behaviour. Make your plans and leave him

Original poster
User010101 · 16/05/2018 06:34

We've been living together for a year and a half and have no DC. He has a DD from a previous relationship who he sees even weekend but more often than not she stays with his mum (he will go and see his DD on the Saturday evening) so that he can get up and go on a massively long cycle on the Sunday morning. Even on the Saturday he has to ensure he goes for his hour and a half run.

I'm fed up. I haven't had a wink of sleep and have had to ring into work to ask for the day off. It's exhausting!

I confronted him last night as couldn't take it anymore. He was curled up on the sofa with a blanket round him and wasn't coming to bed presumably to punish me. I said that his behaviour was unacceptable and that I wouldn't be putting up with it. I said that if he didn't come to bed and of this continued tomorrow that would be it. He came to bed about 10 minutes after I said this but he is definitely still huffing as no contact etc and he has made sure not to touch me.

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 16/05/2018 06:49

Definitely split up then. You really will be better off.

category12 · 16/05/2018 07:19

Really, it's affecting your work, it's no good going on like this.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 16/05/2018 07:24

This is classic passive aggressive behaviour - he’s a man child. I was married to one of these and it was miserable.

pictish · 16/05/2018 07:26

And all this carry on because essentially, you expected him to contribute to the running of the home by completing a simple domestic task. How will you feel next time he doesn’t bother his arse to do the shopping? Comfortable with questioning it...or fearful of a repeat performance and reluctant to do so.

He’s training you to play housekeeper while he does whatever the fuck he likes. Don’t be that mug. He’s a lazy, selfish cunt.

Rosielily · 16/05/2018 07:29

It's totally unacceptable behaviour. Was this your home he moved into? And he's slobbing about in a blanket sulking? I'd be getting rid, and fast. Relationships should be about mutual love and respect and he's giving you none of that.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/05/2018 07:36

If you are serious about not putting up with it then you need to ensure that you and he are not in a relationship any longer.

Sulking as well is another form of emotional abuse, did you realise this?. This is learnt behaviour (I would think that either one or even both his parents does this) and is therefore deeply ingrained. He feels entitled to act like this and it works for him. He is also now affecting your work and seems to put his hobbies also before his child. He is truly a selfish man and the responsibility for his sulking is all his and his alone.

What are you getting out of this relationship, what has made you put up with this at all from him?. My guess too he has done this from the earlier days of your relationship and you have ignored and or minimised the red flags re him.