How should I deal with his sulking?

[User010101]

The has happened quite a few times before and normally I confront him or try to coax him out of it. This time I've had enough and can't deal with this childish behaviour any longer.

Today, I messaged him at work and we agreed to meet for lunch. I normally go at 1pm but agreed to wait for him until 1:15pm as he said he was busy. Fair enough, except he didn't contact me until after 1:30pm and when we met up he was grumpy and said that he only had time to grab a sandwich and head straight back to work. I was annoyed and was under the impression that going for lunch meant actually going somewhere to eat together. Still, I said nothing...

When we were in the queue for his sandwich I asked him about dinner tonight (he said 3 days ago he would go grocery shopping, but didn't) and he said he didn't know as was out from 6pm. I said I would be happy enough with an omelette and even though I had plans myself tonight,, saidould pick eggs etc up from the shop. He said he didn't fancy that for dinner and I said that he would need to go to the shop himself as he had originally said he would shop for the both of us on Saturday. This was met with silence and when I asked him if he was now huffing with me he swore at me, said I needed to stop nagging him and stormed off.

I thought that would be the end of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. However, he has just come home and is still not speaking to me. I am going about my business and am in the living room watching TV. He went out to the shop there and took ages presumably in an attempt to make me think he had left me. He came home with whatever he had bought, made it for himself together with a cup of tea. He then came into the living room, picked up his laptop and took it into the kitchen (he normally goes on it in the living room).

I'm at my wit's end. How on earth do I deal with this? It feels surreal and almost like a joke. How on earth can he be sulking? I did all the housework at on Sunday while he went off for a 5 1/2 hour cycle (which apparently left him too exhausted to move) but now I'm supposed to feel guilty!! Would appreciate any thoughts as very annoyed.

"No need to respond. Just make sure your things are together. I have plans this evening so won't be around"

The last bit might be inconvenient for you if you don't actually have somewhere to go to avoid the sulking (or pretending nothing has happened), though.

Well done, User. Stick to your guns even when he turns on the charm. You can't have a happy relationship with someone this selfish.

Don't get drawn into justifying yourself to him. Don't give him an opportunity to talk you around. You do not have to establish to his satisfaction that you have an acceptable reason to end the relationship. Do not engage with him. The less contact you have with him from now on, the healthier for you.

I'm cheering you on too, OP.

Ignore all the negative posts on here. We really do want the best for you.

Tell him you're serious. Stand your ground. Good luck.

You're his housekeeper with benefits, who also quietly pays large chunk of the bills.

His mum is his childminder.

Of course he doesn't want to give all that up!

Tell him to get to fuck! You are done. There is no relationship anymore. Get the hell out!

Text back. No response needed. We're finished. Nothing to discuss. Pack your bags and leave.

If you put his reply through the Universal Bullshit Translator (trademark: chumplady) you get this:

"sigh I haven't really got time to listen to you bleating about your feelings right now - not that I ever pay attention. Can you save your tantrum until tonight, when I'll be there in person and thus be able to steamroller over you more effectively? Oh, and make sure you've got dinner ready when I get home."

TBF, why should he take you seriously this time, OP? He's never had to before. He is pretty sure he can just swan home and act like nothing is wrong. It's always worked in the past.

Stay strong, OP. You can do this and you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for.

Rooting for you, op.

I do find it a little odd that you just carried on like nothing had happened when he completely ignored your first request to leave, btw; that's quite an unusual response from you. You might want to chat about that with a counsellor once asshat has been dumped....

Brilliant translation there by Ardwolves/chumplady.

It's accidental, most likely, but I'm annoyed by his wording: "I’ll talk to you later." Partly sounds like cross teacher warning of impending lecture, but mostly sounds like there will be no listening going on on his part!

Anyway, don't reply now. What are your plans for this evening? Going out? (In his car? )

If you're staying in, then be prepared to meet everything he tries with something bland and unarguable. Like: "I'm sorry, I've made my decision. It's over." Oh, and this one worked well for me when XH was promising the earth: "it's not you, it's me. I'm just not feeling it any more." Total lies, it was all him, but so difficult for him to come back from. Tell you you should try harder? Shrug. "Sorry, I've made my decision..."

Ha! I actually meant to say I'm amused by his wording! Predictive text trying to guess my mood!

Come on girl....
We are all here in your corner...
You can and will do this...... too free your self from a man who won't ever place you first...
What ever he says when he gets home... Just say hmm.... but I still want you to leave it is over.

Go for it and hold your ground. If I texted my DH it was over, stuff how busy at work he was, he would be rushing home. Everytime you try to take control he's treating it like a little blip that he can ignore. You have to ignore his reaction and just tell him to go, no hand holding or kissing. It's hard but he's not worth your time, get rid, you'll feel so much better in the long term.

Just rtft. Op you are better off without him. Any father who dumps his daughter on his girlfriend or mother during his, presumably, less than 48 hours contact a week is a shit bag. He visits his daughter for a few hours during his contact, wow. He no doubt leaves the rest of the parenting to hIs ex.

He thinks because you don’t ride your bike every night you should do all the shit work in the house! Make his food, wash his pants. And now he throws £75 of his money into the pot to keep you sweet, whilst moaning you control the finances.

Fucking kick him to the kerb. Don’t justify why, just tell him to leave.

He sounds exasperated rather than concerned. He doesn't believe you.

OP-he's not going to change. Like u said he's an arsehole-bet his ex was glad to be well rid! Have u ever spoken to her about why they split? -bet that wouldn't be s surprise... I hope you do leave. I bet that as soon as you and a taste for a better life that you wonder why and wish you had done it a long time ago. No-one can make you feel inferior without yr permission.

unlurks

OP, I think you’re doing fantastically.

Don't listen to his words; consider his actions over the last months and most of all, how he has acted when you have told him you are upset.

If you want, if he triess to charm him, present it as doing him a favour "this way, you can concentrate more on your cycling without outside distractions and troubles"

Remember, he's treated you like a servant. Consider his actions

Hellabellsmelons is the perfect response

'You respond by packing up your shit and getting the hell out of my life

Not sure how to respond to this. I’m a bit busy in work I’ll talk to you later.

Cheeky little shit. Seems he thinks that you can be put on the back burner and he'll discuss this when he^ is ready?

Err no. There's nothing to 'discuss' because you've made the decision!

Please let him know that.

'There's nothing to talk about because the decision is made, so you can fuck off with trying to set out what's going to be happening. I'm the one deciding that: what will be happening later is you packing your bags.'

I would make sure that he doesn’t have a spare key to your car or is able to take anything valuable or important when he goes, so he doesn’t have a reason to come back to try to make you change your mind.

For this reason, your last task for him will be to pack up all his stuff and leave outside. That way you know it’s all there and he’s not got anything of yours.

Also change all your passwords and PINs to phone, bank accounts, social media etc

PS -check the laundry basket and put his dirty stuff in the bags without washing it.

And make sure you let your landlord know and don’t forget to claim single occupant council tax discount.

I am rooting for you OP. I know this is difficult. We are all here when you need us.

Stay calm.

Stay strong, hold your ground, you are in the right here!!

whatwouldkeithrichard what they said. Plus think u should pack his things in black bags then it will done, he will know u t serious and it will be better than him dragging his feet. Good luck. Be there with you in spirit!

You can do it OP you don't need his permission or agreement to end this one-sided relationship!
So what if he's too busy to respond hold your nerve rinse and repeat
Do not justify any you're ending just that you're done it's over
Don't let his ignoring tactics stop you be strong find that voice inside you that's been silenced by his sulking and manipulative behaviour.

' No response needed this is over your stuff will be ready for collection, time to respect my decision we are done'

Repeat as necessary and start focusing on you and your shattered esteem.

Fizzy's response is perfect OP.

'There's nothing to talk about because the decision is made, so you can fuck off with trying to set out what's going to be happening. I'm the one deciding that: what will be happening later is you packing your bags.'

Good luck. You can do so so much better.