An Undisclosed Child - WTAF?!!!!!!!

[MrsRichardDeVere]

I’ve NC to try not to out myself.

Been dating and starting a relationship with a man for 4 months. Met through online dating. Have taken things steadily and everything going well. Seemed honest, normal, self-deprecating, considerate and lots of other good things.

He said he’s been single since he & his ex split 6 years ago, with 2 boys he sees every 2nd weekend. Seems like a good dad, doing the usual, normal stuff you’d expect.

He’s on Linkedn but not other forms of social media, so I haven’t been able to do background digging. Anyhow found his ex-wife (after he said her first name rather than just referring to her as ‘the-ex’) and to my horror there are 3 kids, with a girl appearing in age between the boys. Definitely a sibling. I know ive got the right family, as I’ve seen plenty of photos of the boys.

I suspect this is curtains on our relationship, as this seems like a shocking omission to me, but can anyone throw any light on what the fuck might be going on?! I’m seeing him in a few days and will be asking him but could do with some MN insight.

Sorry, should have said found his ex-wife on FB - not in real life.

Perhaps the girl isn't his.

Perhaps they broke up because the DD isn’t his?

Could dd be her new oh's?

Has the ex wife moved on? They may have adopted. You’ll look very obbesssive if you bring up mystery girl. He’s told you about his boys why would he hide a third? Just let it go

And then got back together and had another child?

She could be a cousin. It seems really odd to not mention a third child having been open about having two already

A friend of mine had a boyfriend, divorced with 2 kids. She'd seen photos, possibly even met them and had met all his family. They bought a flat together - luckily in her name as he had debts or was still on the mortgage for his FMH. Anyway afterthey moved in he confessed that there were 4 kids, not 2 - and everyone he'd ever introduced her to over the last 2 years had known and lied about it. He figured she'd never have gone out with him of she'd known he had 4 children. No shit!

At least it's only been 4 months. Dies he have an explanation?

His boys are 15 and 11 and the girl is in between- not sure what age but clearly in between.

We'll you're going have to ask now, but I'd expect there to be a logical explanation. I can't see a logical reason for him admitted to 2 children but not a third. She could be caring for a family members child, the child could belong to her new partner, she could have adopted etc etc

Cousin? Young sister of the ex wife?

Why would he lie? Seems odd if he's been open about his sons.

I'd be tempted to say the ex wife popped up as someone you may know on FB and ask him. Although at 4 months in, have you not met any of his friends?

I'd assume the girl is either adopted, or the daughter of the XW's new partner. Why would you assume bad scenarios when he appears to be a good dad to his sons?

Well I've got two children. But also have three children. Two birth children and a late addition foster child who I refer to as my daughter. So could be a situation like that?

Are you sure the girl is in between age-wise? Could she be older but looks younger (or younger and looks older?). I.e could be Mum's daughter from an older / newer relationship. Or could she be the Mum's step-daughter from a new relationship? Cousin? Close friend's daughter?

Ok, the photos on FB go back years and it is clearly a sibling from the comments - not a cousin or visitor. If it was an adopted child, which it doesn’t look like it is, there is a family resemblance- why wouldn’t you mention it?

I think when he finds you have been stalking his ex-wife on social media the relationship will be over.

Just ask him if he felt the need to have girl.
She could not want to see him . For a whole host of reasons. One might be horrible.

Brenda - looking on FB is not stalking. Her profile is open for anyone to see. I haven’t secretly friended her to do this. If you were starting a relationship with someone you met online wouldn’t you want to know more and protect yourself from potential liars, cheaters etc?

We can all think of lots of reasons for this, but no one's gonna know which is right until you ask him.

And looking on FB is perfectly reasonable.

So you will be telling your new boyfriend you searched for his exwife's
Facebook page, had a good old nosey through her photos and now he has some questions to answer?

I know ltk, I’m just trying to think why someone would do this? I’m not asking him on phone or text, sohave time to mull it over.

Yes, Brenda I will. What’s wrong with that?

Well, four months in and I don’t think you trust him for some reason or other anyway. Throw this fishbsck in the pond.

I'd ask him point blank. If he's lied, ditch him.