Why do so many women stop wanting sex?

[User2837]

I've been with my partner 6 years, and could quite easily never have sex again. I'm late 20s.
I love him deeply, he's the kindest, most considerate man I've ever been with. We have so much in common and laugh all the time. We have a child, similar goals, wants, and needs. We go on dates, and trips away etc, and I can't imagine being with anyone else.
When I've spoken to female friends about this, pretty much all of the ones in long term relationships say they feel the same.

Even if it's common, I don't know whether it's healthy to remain in a relationship where i would never initiate sex - surely that's not good for either of us?? But equally, the thought of.losing the person I consider my soul mate is too upsetting.

Why are so many women in the same boat?! And is it worth breaking up over, finding someone else but potentially risk the same thing happening again? Are so many women in relationships where having sex is a chore they endure??

I'm thinking I should try some sex therapy but really not in the position with time or money at the moment.

A friend of mine says when you're in a long term relationship sex is like cleaning the toilet! You really can't be bothered but you know it will get grotty if you leave it too long so once a week you give it a quick going over.

@mydogisthebest I agree. Everyone I know with children hardly ever have sex anymore and aren’t interested. Myself and the friends I have who don’t have kids all still have active sex lives regardless of what age we are. I’m sure sleep deprivation must play a big part.

Just to give another side having my dc didn't ever affect my sex life.

We just had to be a bit more ...er inventive as to where and how.

Locked bathrooms can be handy :)

men who (say they?) contribute more around the house are likely to have sex less often than those who don't. Perhaps it's because both parents (not just the mother) are too tired to initiate it?

I've heard some say this is because a man who does lots of housework is viewed as less masculine and therefore less desirable in his wife's eyes. This doesn't sound right to me. But then again I don't think spending an extra hour a day on household chores is going to leave a man too exhausted to ask for sex, so I don't know what the answer is.

I have a DD and it doesn’t stop us, where there is a will there is a way. Been married 15 years and I wouldn’t be happy if it became a sexless marriage. ( obviously not for medical reasons)

Couples shouldn't be uninterested in sex after only 6, 10, 15 years etc.

^This

Been together nearly nine years and in our late forties. We go weeks without sex which both of us acknowledge is not what we want, but life gets in the way, for both of us. We do communicate very well and we think the reasons for very low frequency lies with both of us, it is not just one of us.
However when we get opportunity to go away alone, then we reconnect and it is fantastic.

Dadaist absolutely amazing post!

Also I didn't realise in my earlier post I was just reiterating what posters had said about seeing your partner in their 'element', this really does help.

I think its a bit of a shame to see so many people think of it as inevitable that you would lose passion and interest in a long term relationship.

I do think with children it becomes more challenging to find the time, but ive never really lost interest in my partner. I have been on medication at times which has affected my arousal in general, but as soon as I come off it, its back to normal again, even after 3 kids and 13 years together.
Ive been interested in and enjoyed sex my whole adult life and I would be pretty sad if it stopped. I wouldnt just shrug my shoulders and accept it if food stopped being delicious, or music stopped sounding good and I hope that sex never stops being interesting and delicious too.

Blink - I think that's probably my problem. If I met a man who actually liked to cuddle and hug and talk about anything other than the purely practical, I think my sex drive would probably return with a vengeance. But with a man who thinks jokes about his erection are a turn on and leaps out of bed immediately after sex to clean up, rather than cuddle up...well. Libido well and truly dead.

Leaps out of bed immediately after sex to clean up

Sounds good to me (!).

Me and dh have been together for years and have had a baby and I agree it can be difficult to find the time and we can get very tired. When we do find the time though we’re both very much still enjoying our sex life and the spark/passion still the same as it was when we first met.

Lady, he's ASD. It's really not good. Any trace of anything on a sheet and he can't take it. And I really do mean 'immediately' afterwards, barely has he withdrawn and he's off away to the bathroom. No post-coital closeness, just obsessional washing and wiping. Bearing in mind we have no other physical contact, I'd at least like a couple of minutes of cuddling. Otherwise, to be honest, I feel like an unpaid prostitute.

I met dh when I was still dealing with being sexually assaulted a few years previously. He became a friend first and then we slowly became a couple but sex was just physically and mentally impossible for me. I was going to leave him because I felt so broken and then my GP suggested role play. I thought it was the most ridiculous idea I'd ever heard but it wasn't like we had anything to lose. Turns out that whilst "I" couldn't have sex, the figments of my imagination could. That was 18 and a half years ago...and I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant so it's still working.

Whilst this is definitely the last baby, I can't imagine us never having sex again and I hope dh feels the same.

My libido dropped when on hormonal contraceptives. So I switched to a copper coil.

Then realised that while I like sex, I'd actually gone off sex with Ex (his abysmal hygiene didn't help). I've never had sex with anyone else, but once I get a bit more settled, will be looking to date again. Which may be difficult at my age (50).

I think there are all sorts of reason why women go off sex, which may or may not be relevant to you, OP.

I've never stopped wanting to have sex.

I just stopped wanting to have sex with my husband.

There's a difference.

I would like to have masses of sex now. Right now. But I'm single.

There's the washing up to do, son to get to bed, packed lunches to make...full-time job beckons tomorrow. Up at 6.30.

Sex? It's all in my head these days.

Oh Zaphod, sorry if I came across glib, I get you.

Oh, no worries, Lady, just wanted to explain that it's not always a good thing to be hygiene-obsessed!

I do think that the less you have it the less.you want it. Also I think that when you have kids, when you do have time to dtd you should make the most of it and enjoy it. If you're not then there s your first problem. I have young children age 5, 3 & 1 and me and dh have a very regular sexlife. You have to make that time if you really want that part of your life to still be, well, part of it. We make the most of weekends, family days out to tire the kids then we get some quality time. I do think a lot of it as that people get so comfortable they feel no effort needs to be made.

I went off sex when I came off the pill, disliked condoms and ExH refused to get the snip. Bearing in mind I had been taking the pill for 20 ish years he couldn’t find it in himself to do one thing for me. So I lost interest. Ultimately our marriage failed - he found a younger model and has a baby now - so lucky for him that he didn’t have the snip.

Perhaps sex is being oversold because supposedly, sex sells?

I'm 48, DP is 52, been together 12 years. Sex is very important to both of us and we do it a few times a week. He's great in bed though.
Unfortunately lately I've gone off it a bit as he's pulled away from me emotionally after bereavements and he seems to currently often want sex without the intimacy.
I'd hate to be in a sexless relationship.

Sex is shit and they piss us off too often.

Obviously, my relationship is going really well.

Having DC never put me off sex, in fact I thought it was much better after I had the kids, (once I had recovered after child birth). Certainly in my 20s and 30s and 40s I was very up for it, and my friends seem to be the same. Now I am in my 50s, fat and unfit and not so keen, but we are going through a bad patch which doesn't help. I enjoyed sex most in my 30s I think, so I wouldn't give up on it just yet op.