What do you think when you hear someone is renewing their wedding vows?

[Mytwistedimagination]

Just that. Do you see it as a positive or negative? Do you assume there's a particular reason behind it?

(Reading that back, it sounds like journo fishing. It's not, believe me!)

I can’t bring myself to have an opinion, but I hope I can avoid such things.

I just think they are bored and wanting some attention and stuff to post on Face-Ache.

I was considering renewing our vows next year on our 10th anniversary.We got married abroad in front of a handful of family and I didn't really have a minute all day before the ceremony to just breathe,relax and be in the moment.We had our young kids with us and I spent the morning washing and hanging out clothes and getting them dressed and sorted I didn't even get a chance to sit with a glass of champagne. Also the photographer that came with our package was very pushy and made us stand in all sorts of dated and awkward positions so we actually have hardly any wedding pics that we like

If we were to do it again it would just be us and our kids.Id love to put back on my dress ,renew our vows,take some lovely relaxed pics and have a nice meal .I'd be very embarrassed if people thought it was because one of us had cheated

Can't believe some of the smugness on this thread...whoever was commenting about divorce...Please could you consider being less condescending about "at the drop of a hat" or "at the first sign of trouble"
??????

I too would think 'trouble' but accept my experiences could be clouding my judgment.

Depends on the couple I guess...cant get worked up either way...

Just, why? I truly don't get it. Do vows have an expiry date?

well I wouldn't assume anything but then we are very slowly planning to renew our vows (no date yet but probably our 15th wedding anniversary).

There are a couple of reasons for this and none include cheating. The first and probably biggest is that me in particular felt very pushed into getting married when we did. We were engaged but because my side of the family is very RC and I have my dd already it was constantly brought up. My dad paid for the wedding and because of that it was nothing I wanted (dh only wanted 2 things, which were easy enough to arrange). No reception, no wedding night for just me & dh, no honeymoon, I also don't have any wedding photos. The second reason is partly tied in to the first, I was extremely over weight when we got married and because of that I couldn't get a proper wedding dress (I got married in a plus size prom dress).
There are some other reasons as well but those are my main 2. It probably sounds really self-centered to some people but despite being a complete tomboy growing up, my wedding day was something I had been planning since I was like 6 yo and the only thing that changed was the groom lol.
xx

It makes me think it's a shame how people seem to need to find justification for a party. I'd much prefer to get an invite to a big party someone was having just because they fancied it.

My grandparents renewed their wedding vows. To be honest, my grandma is a very difficult woman who frustrates everyone around her. She wanted it to be at my mother's house and made a big hoopla about it. Grandma wore a white lace dress and everything... there were chairs set up to make an aisle in the living room and she even walked down the aisle and had a bouquet of flowers and a wedding cake. Honestly, the whole thing was cheesy. They didn't have a happy marriage and bickered and argued constantly. My grandfather is passed away now but my mother told me that she remembers one time she took them for a holiday and they bickered on the car the whole way back and it was a nightmare.

GorgonLondon, I don’t suppose they need you to understand. I actually think it’s called reaffirming of vows and was something they wanted to share with people who were important to them. They both treated their close friends and families to a day filled with warmth, love, thanksgiving and friendship.

When my friend who’d been very ill celebrated her love for her husband, I don’t think there was a dry eye in the place. Seems very mean spirited to criticise something that meant so much to all of her loved ones.

Because we want to. And it's not hurting anyone.

I don't understand why you'd bother. As many others have said, the vows don't have an expiry date so what's renewal all about? If you want to celebrate your long marriage then have a big party or something but why renew something that doesn't expire?

I don't know anyone who has done this and would absolutely think they were trying to patch something up.

Cheaters , self indulgent, needy.

Just spend the money on big holiday !

I've been with my H 28 years and married for 23. Last year I found him having an affair with a newly married colleague in her 20s. I've survived breast cancer and a mastectomy.

He's suggested renewing our vows.
Part of me feels, " Well I didn't break mine."
I'm still upset and hurt, so it's too raw for me at the moment.
She was/is no beauty, not intelligent, just an easy small town girl who's never done anything with her life.
He's the one who cheated on me though, not her.
So when I'm ready, we probably will. We'll just have our 2 sons, my parents and my vicar; who's been very supportive.
No presents, no Rita Heyworth drama, just 7 of us and H renewing the vows he broke.
I never thought this would happen to me. We were happy, he got frightened about reaching 50 and going bald. She enjoyed the attention of being a bride and wanted that feeling to continue. I was the collateral damage.
So, I'm not ready to renew yet, but probably will in future. 😢

My grandparents had a full wedding including renewal of vows, with a church minister, for their golden wedding. It was held at a country club hotel.

My aunties even filled their bed in their honeymoon suite that night with confetti.

There was a band and a sit down meal followed by speeches.

Fabulous.

When younger people do it....affair.

You don't need to understand it. You just have to accept that different people like different things and it's not a moral issue.

I don't understand why so many people on here are so keen to ascribe such nasty motives on something so innocent, but their hatefulness isn't my problem.

PoorYorick why are you so incredibly bothered and defensive about people criticising big weddings or vow renewals?

if you are happy about doing it that's great, but you must have posted about 10 times on this thread and many more times on other similar ones.

You're even telling people that they should get a hobby rather than expressing their own opinion if it's different from yours.

Lots of people think that it's attention-seeking and tacky, others want to do it. we are all entitled to express those opinions.

If you want to do it, then own that decision, be proud, and stop being so hypersensitive about other people who have a different opinion to you.

Nice to coincide with a significant anniversary.

Because I think it's absolutely horrible that so many people on here would moralise about what other people do with their own money to celebrate their relationships. And decide that it must be because they're all having affairs or about to go under. Anything other than because they just want to and there's nothing wrong with it.

I don't care about people choosing differently but surely even you must see the difference between choosing otherwise, and pouring hate and scorn on women who choose otherwise. Deciding they're all in sham marriages, that they're all morally suspect. How hateful can you get?

Reserve your bile for these utterly nasty individuals. Or your pity, because there can't be good reasons for why they are so determined that people who make different choices must be unhappy.

Personally I haven't posted any bile, but your post earlier about how you "win Mumsnet weddings by getting people to punch your guests in the face" and so on is equally full of hate and scorn for those of us who, for our own reasons, chose to have as minimal event as possible when we got married.

Gertie, I say that as a cheated on wife. If saying vows in front of all our friends and family at our wedding wasn’t enough for him to callously disregard them when it suited him, I don’t think it’ll be different the 2nd time round.

I’m sure he meant them the first time when he said them but sadly years down the line he was willing to break them and the same logic would apply to the second time round.

Appreciate other people feel differently about it and do it for a fresh beginning, etc but my personal opinion is there is no point and I won’t be doing it, even though we are still together.

starlight yes, surely what people have proved is that those vows are not binding on them and suggesting that you can just make new ones whenever you like just undermines the meaning of the original vows even more?

Bloody hell at these responses! My husband and I have been married 2 years and I said shall we go to Vegas and renew our vows on our 10yr anniversary but I'd be mortified if anyone thought we were doing it out of some kind of infidelity!

My parents did for a landmark anniversary and because they’re religious. It was a private thing at home; just them, us children and a priest.

If it’s a more public occasion I would see it as an outward message that a rift is being healed due to infidelity etc or plain ol’ smug attention seeking.

your post earlier about how you "win Mumsnet weddings by getting people to punch your guests in the face" and so on is equally full of hate and scorn for those of us who, for our own reasons, chose to have as minimal event as possible when we got married.

Well first of all, that post was funny. But most importantly, the target was patently not people who had modest weddings. It was people who moralise on wedding size and the inevitable MN competitiveness over who eschewed the most when they got married. Much like people who moralise about the personal decision to renew vows.

I am perfectly happy with my choice and I'm perfectly happy for others to choose otherwise. I'm even happy for them to tell me I'm mad for choosing it.

What I do not appreciate are people who know nothing about me informing me that my marriage is on the rocks, that I've had an affair, that my husband has had an affair, that I am morally suspect ('attention seeking", 'self indulgent' etc....you people really don't have much to boast about, do you?) and so on and so on. THAT is hateful behaviour - I'm inclined to think jealous behaviour - and I will call it such.

And yes, the poster who openly admitted that she gets pleasure in speculating on other people's marriages does need to find something better to do.

There is nothing wrong with renewing or not renewing your vows but there is something really horrid about turning it into the bitchfest this nasty thread was, admittedly, always going to be.

I can’t imagine wanting to do it. Whatever your wedding was like, your vows are your vows. They’re the foundation of your commitment to each other and to your marriage.

Anniversaries are definitely worth celebrating, every year is an achievement and having a big party and sharing it with children, family, friends, is fabulous. I can’t see how including a repeat of your vows adds anything.