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Original poster

What do you think when you hear someone is renewing their wedding vows?

270 replies

Mytwistedimagination · 06/05/2018 03:26

Just that. Do you see it as a positive or negative? Do you assume there's a particular reason behind it?

(Reading that back, it sounds like journo fishing. It's not, believe me!)

OP posts:
Wildling · 06/05/2018 04:44

The only people I know who renewed their vows are my grandparents, on their 50th anniversary, and a co-worker whose PIL ruined the first ceremony, so I just assume people do it because they've been married a long time or had a rubbish time at the first one.

Cawfee · 06/05/2018 04:46

A friend of mine renewed her vows. This was after loads of marriage counselling to get over his affair with one of her best friends. So yep, I think cheating. It’s a very odd thing to do in my opinion

Rainatnight · 06/05/2018 05:16

I wouldn't necessarily think cheating but I'd assume they'd gone through a very bad time in the relationship.

The exception was a good friend of mine whose wife was dying and they decided to do it just before she died, just as a gesture of love.

CluelessMummy · 06/05/2018 05:22

I would probably think they had something to prove. I don't know why, especially since I was really, really sick (literally) on our wedding day and I would like to do some sort of celebration again at some point so I can actually enjoy it this time around rather than spend half the afternoon in the bathroom of the honeymoon suite

question100 · 06/05/2018 05:32

I just feel jealous Blush.

Am now getting divorced Sad, but my marriage itself was a very lonely and difficult place for the last few years, and even when it was ok, my H/ex was hugely undemonstrative. No wedding or engagements rings, no birthday acknowledgement or gifts, as well as the big one - not putting my name on the family home because if I wanted my own house I could “go out and buy one myself” Hmm.

So yeah - jealous Grin.

mellongoose · 06/05/2018 05:39

I know a couple whose older children had been at their wedding but there was one younger child who always felt as though they had missed out on something. The family would share memories of the day and this child (now a teen) would be a bit Hmm

So they renewed their vows.

ivykaty44 · 06/05/2018 05:42

I think they need to reconnect again and one of them has strayed...

Shadow666 · 06/05/2018 05:44

I can understand if it was a big anniversary, but then why not just have an anniversary party?

It does seem to be quite common after cheating though.

saucepot8 · 06/05/2018 05:52

Our wedding was ruined by abusive parents. We didn't look back on our wedding day with good memories. We renewed our vows last year and now we are able to look back with good memories. It has really helped my recovery. It was just us and our dcs.

Doublevodka · 06/05/2018 05:57

I'd think they were heading for divorce.

lovesugarfreejelly63 · 06/05/2018 06:07

I don't think renewing marriage vows is going to make a lot of difference regarding the state of ones marriage. Or it could be a good opportunity to "dress up" make an occasion of it. If a person has not honoured their marriage vows the first time around, whats going to change.

nursy1 · 06/05/2018 06:13

I’ve considered this as its coming up 25 years. Just decided to have a big family and friends party.
Post an affair in our marriage many years ago it was enough to go privately back to the church we were married in, sit quietly and reaffirm it all.

UAEMum · 06/05/2018 06:15

I always think 'what is the point?'. And what a waste of money!

TossDaily · 06/05/2018 06:17

'Which one had the affair?'

Fengshui · 06/05/2018 06:23

Heavens some people are cynical!

My parents renewed their vows. My father is Jewish, my mother was CofE and she converted to Judaism about 10 years ago after 35 years of marriage. So they renewed with a simple ceremony officiated by a Rabbi friend. They then hosted a terrific lunch for family and their closest friends.

DH and I renewed a couple of years back. We both had big birthdays, and I had come out the other side of severe PND. At the last minute we thought 'why not'. We also threw a big party. It was less about being self indulgent (and no one had cheated) and more about 'we have had a bad couple of years, let's throw a bash for the people we love the most).

This is my philosophy..... life is often really difficult / boring /stressful/ sad / unexpectedly short. Why not take what joys are offered to you and embrace it? If people want to throw a party for whatever reason, you don't have to go, or even buy into it. But why not let them have their joy?

Figgygal · 06/05/2018 06:23

Self indulgent cheese.

GaryBaldyBiscuit · 06/05/2018 06:27

Ah see I’d never think of cheating as a reason but that’s because my husband and I have considered doing it ourselves. Our reason is our wedding was ruined by family members so we quite like the idea of a re-do but it would just be us and our two kids on a beach somewhere.
I would NEVER have another wedding day with presents, party etc. To be honest we wouldn’t even tell people about it, we just go off and do it.

Namethecat · 06/05/2018 06:27

I have a friend who ' married well' lives in a big house on a gated community. Has dinner parties for a select few, invites local business people and the local MP for her husband's business deals etc. They also own a holiday home on an island. They renewed their wedding in a Sandals resort ( Bahamas ) with their adult children. Had the lot, wedding dress, hair,make up etc. Me jealous. No !

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 06/05/2018 06:28

I wouldn’t jump to affair conclusions. That had never occurred to me until I heard it on here a long time ago. I would think it was a bit self indulgent possibly and a bit cheesy.
Having said that I do sometimes wish dh and I could do it again although we wouldn’t. He was very ill in hospital a few weeks before we got married and the dr gave him the go ahead to go get married he definitely wasn’t 100% and was absolutely exhausted. He could have enjoyed it more had he been completely well.

AfterSchoolWorry · 06/05/2018 06:30

Well, big anniversaries and illness, religious conversion aside. It seems quite attention seeking.

I think Seal and Heidi Klum renewed fairly regularly in their short marriage. Ended in Divorce.

PoorYorick · 06/05/2018 06:31

We're planning to renew our vows because we couldn't afford to get married in the place we really wanted (abroad). Now we're in a position to do it, we're going next year. Just us and immediate family. Hope I can still fit into my wedding dress.

nursy1 · 06/05/2018 06:38

tossdaily
which one had the affiar. was that for me?
It was him

Roussette · 06/05/2018 06:45

If a couple went off and did it on their own and then I found they had, I would think... fine, a bit strange, wonder why, but up to them.

If I was invited to a wedding renewal bash, I would find it seriously weird and self indulgent! I know no one who has done this, I've not heard of anyone in RL doing it even friends of friends of friends. It's all a bit celeb/soap star isn't it....
Plus I hope I wouldn't be asked, I could barely keep a straight face at the ridiculousness of it all. Fine, do it if you want,as a private thing, but to ask people to it as a repeat wedding ceremony... nooooo

Olicity17 · 06/05/2018 06:45

We renewed. No one cheated. But we always wanted to get married abroad. So we did it on our 15th anniversary. We didnt invite anyone. It was just us and the kids on a beach.

JoandMax · 06/05/2018 06:47

I think what happened that caused one of your original vows to be broken that you need to do it again? I can’t see why you can’t just have an anniversary party if you want a big do........