What do you think when you hear someone is renewing their wedding vows?

[Mytwistedimagination]

Just that. Do you see it as a positive or negative? Do you assume there's a particular reason behind it?

(Reading that back, it sounds like journo fishing. It's not, believe me!)

I’ve only ever attended one, and never known of any others. It was a couple in our family who hadn’t been blessed with children (their words) and I suspect they just wanted a big ‘do’, everyone else had had baptisms, big birthdays, graduations and weddings in their families. It was a good party where the couple were made a bit of a fuss of but not something I’d ever consider

You call it negative, I call it discerning

Of course, to each his/her own but it's fun to speculate what's really going on underneath a renewal of vows - why the desire to do it? What is the message here?

My grandparents did this (I think) for their 50th anniversary. There was a small, brief service for immediate family at church followed by a buffet at their house. This was late 80s. We are in the uk and they were very traditional in values. It might not have been a renewal and just a celebration of 50 years blessed by the priest but not sure as was only young. Will ask my mum. Definitely no cheating though.

I wouldn't assume an affair, there could be many reasons why people want to renew their vows. We have talked about it for a few years because our wedding day was ruined by his family. It wouldn't be a huge do though, just me and him, on our own because a vow renewal is a personal choice and it is up to the couple to decide what's right for them. If you don't like the idea of it and are being judgemental about it you shouldn't go to one.

I would be very surprised if it was a renewal of vows in the late 1980s...it wasn't a thing then.

it's fun to speculate what's really going on underneath a renewal of vows

My God, you need a hobby.

I have, I'm on mumsnet, same as you.

I have, I'm on mumsnet, same as you.

Is it taking too much time away from your 'speculating' on the marriages of people who aren't on Mumsnet?

I wouldn't need an audience to renew vows. As I said, IF we do it, we will only have close family or possibly it will just be me and DH. So not attention seeking.

Also, I don't know that many couples that have even stayed married for 40 years and of the few that have quite a few are not happy. The friend that commented on the fact me and DH celebrate our anniversary has been married for 30 and quite freely admits her and her husband no longer love each other.

I can't believe the nasty bitchy comments. To those saying is not making vows once enough what do you think about people who get married a second, third etc time? I know someone who just got married for the 4th time (3 divorces) and had a large white! wedding and enormous party. That to me is attention seeking plus making a mockery of marriage

Is it taking too much time away from your 'speculating' on the marriages of people who aren't on Mumsnet?

Not at all.

I've been invited to a couple.

Cousin renewed after 5 years. 2nd marriage. Destination renewal... full wedding experience. She's always been grabby

Different cousin and wife split for 2 years as she had an affair. Renewed when they got back together... Did it privately abroad with just their dd. They're perfect together and I was chuffed when they sorted things out.

Another cousin renewed as his young wife was terminally ill.

Lots of reasons, I'd not assume affair but I'd ponder the reason if it wasn't obvious

I can't believe the nasty bitchy comments.

Christ, I can. MN has an absolute obsession with anything deemed to be 'attention seeking'. I swear there are some people who think we should all be crawling around with bags over our heads.

I know someone who just got married for the 4th time (3 divorces) and had a large white! wedding and enormous party. That to me is attention seeking plus making a mockery of marriage

Why? She's divorced, free to marry and she can have any wedding she likes if she's paying for it. You wouldn't have a big white wedding for a remarriage, that's your decision. She feels otherwise, who's being harmed?

The only one I have been to the couple were celebrating a landmark anniversary.
Though there were quite a few brides on the wedding forum I used when I was getting married that missed the wedding planning they were talking about renewing their vows so they could do it again. Or their wedding day had not got as planned so wanted another go.

I'd ponder the reason

You need a hobby apparently to stop you pondering. No pondering here.

Also, I don't know that many couples that have even stayed married for 40 years and of the few that have quite a few are not happy

That’s my issue see, there’s an element of gloating going on - ‘we’ve achieved what you lot couldn’t’
It’s wonderful to be happily married after 40 years ( or even 15. 20 ) but people will see that. People will be aware of what you have. You don’t need to shout about it.
Renewing your vows actually takes something away what you’ve accomplished, it’s turning something lovely into a bit of a circus.

I have learned everything I know from soaps so I'd hazard there's been an affair or a murder.

Christ. Once was enough. What a faff a wedding is.

But whatever floats your boat. Nice for those that want it. Just don't expect a second present.

How is it turning something lovely into a circus if it is only the two of us or us and close family (probably 6 to 10 people tops)? All my family have long happy marriages - parents over 60 years, siblings over 30 years (all first and only marriages) so certainly no gloating.

Yes we are lucky that after so many years we are still in love but I don't go around shouting about it. Lots of people just give up on marriage at the first sign of any problem.

Quite a lot of people comment to my parents about their 3 children all still married 30 plus years on so obviously not that common.

PoorYorick, I can understand getting divorced once and remarrying but not 3 or 4 times. Sorry but to me it does make a mockery of marriage. To keep making the vow "to death do us part"!! Maybe they should change it to "till divorce do us part"?

If in some alternate reality I was getting married for the 4th time it would be a low key quiet affair not a huge wedding with me wearing a meringue white wedding dress.

That they're going to split. Been through a difficult time and got themselves back in the honeymoon period but once that wears off and reality hits the problems are still there and split happens

i have a friend that did it a few years ago, and i think its just because she really loves a fuss and a party.

I wouldn't expect or want presents.

Our marriage was not a faff. We got married a couple of months after meeting and no I wasn't pregnant. So little time to arrange it and even less money. We had a small quiet register office wedding which was lovely

If a couple want to privately affirm vows with each other and family, fine.

If they want to celebrate a landmark anniversary, why not just have an anniversary party? Unless of course they want the fuss and extravangance of a 2nd wedding (in which case it is about look at us).

I'd also wonder what happened that their original vows needed renewing. I don't renew my car tax until it runs out, I don't renrw my insurance until it runs out so why renew marriage vows as part of a big show?

I wouldn't be very interested, so I would be preparing my excuses should I be invited to the ceremony. I wouldn't think 'oh, they must have had an affair'!

I was joking about the present. If you're inviting me to a shindig I would absolutely get you a present.

Ah, that does sound lovely. We wanted to go away or just pop down the registry office but we were that laid back about it we let ourselves get (nicely) railroaded into a traditional wedding, albeit small. We just wanted to be married. Uck, it was grand. Not too much of a faff really, I'm just not a wedding person. I'd just as happily nipped to the registry office, got a bag of chips and been home for Coronation Street.

I think slebs have given it all a bad name. They do it for the money, get themselves in OK, Hello or Closer, then split up 5 months later

I've been married over 30 years (ups and downs but pretty OK) and not once has it occurred to us to do this! I'd feel a right idiot and my friends and family would think I've lost the plot

How is it self indulgent attention seeking to want to celebrate and reaffirm your relationship after years together,possibly with people you care about,but not self indulgent attention to spend huge amounts of time and money on your original wedding?