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Original poster

What do you think when you hear someone is renewing their wedding vows?

270 replies

Mytwistedimagination · 06/05/2018 03:26

Just that. Do you see it as a positive or negative? Do you assume there's a particular reason behind it?

(Reading that back, it sounds like journo fishing. It's not, believe me!)

OP posts:
happymummy12345 · 06/05/2018 07:53

I'd wonder why they felt the need to do it personally.

SoapOnARoap · 06/05/2018 07:54

One or both have cheated

tinytemper66 · 06/05/2018 07:55

My parents renews their vows in Mass one Sunday for their 40th anniversary. As my dad died a couple of years later I think my mum was pleased did it instead of waiting for her Golden wedding.
Despite being brought up a Catholic and getting married in a Catholic Church my husband would refuse to redo his vows even if I asked as he doesn't believe in God anymore.
I think it is ok if it is a landmark anniversary but cheesy for other reasons.

Dhalandchips · 06/05/2018 07:56

I did it with STBXH. No cheating, but the marriage had been very rocky, did Relate, then he got cancer. So we thought we'd try again with w renewal. Didn't work.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 06/05/2018 07:58

Either one had cheated or they were having bad problems and think either a baby or vow renewal will magically fix them.

Vows last a lifetime, the only reason to renew them is if they have been broken.

MintChocAddict · 06/05/2018 08:01

Pete and Dawn Grin

Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you Wink

sleepymouse · 06/05/2018 08:04

Its interesting to read the responses, I would never associate renewing vows with infidelity or needing to draw a line under an issue within a marriage.
I have considered a renewal ceremony, because we got married in my country my DHs family did not get at attend. I've often thought it would be lovely to have another ceremony in his country.
I've been to a renewal ceremony for family members, it was their 25th wedding anniversary, filled with love and a beautiful celebration

Amomentofbeauty · 06/05/2018 08:04

Yes, would also think cheating or maybe that they just wanted an excuse for a party (tbh, just have a party).

Babdoc · 06/05/2018 08:09

I’m struggling to understand how a vow “Til death do us part” can possibly expire and need renewing?
You can renew library books or membership subscriptions. Lifelong vows before God - not so much.

Shockers · 06/05/2018 08:09

The two couples I know who’ve renewed their vows did so because their original weddings were very small and rushed.

One had also survived cancer.

coffeeagogo · 06/05/2018 08:11

DH and I were going to do it in Vegas with Elvis for the laugh, we always joked we'd do it at the anniversary milestone we have coming up. We had a lovely wedding but it was also bittersweet because of the recent death of a parent.

In the end it was a lot of money, so we decided to we'll take the kids to Disney instead, as we thought everyone will enjoy it more.

We are happy, no affairs and definitely not attention seekers. We mentioned that we were going to do it to our family, but it was effectively going to be on a family holiday, so no one else was invited.

I wouldn't make any assumptions about others motives - horses for courses isn't it.

June1966 · 06/05/2018 08:12

Self-indulgent and tasteless. Why not just have a big anniversary party one year if you're after being the centre of attention?

nolongerblue · 06/05/2018 08:14

I wouldn't have assumed cheating or attention seeking. Sorry, I think 'gosh look at all the british reserve here' when I read these accusations of attention seeking! I would love to be invited to a paid for party if one of my friends renewed their vows. I love celebrations!
I would however, probably assumed that they had had problems in the marriage, unless I knew otherwise or just knew that they really liked parties.

StarlightSparkle · 06/05/2018 08:18

I don’t see the point of renewing your vows after one partner has cheated. If the vows you took originally weren’t enough to stop them, I can’t see why it would be any different the second time.

llangennith · 06/05/2018 08:19

I’ve never understood it, pointless. As pp said, celebrate with a party or something.

ArtBrut · 06/05/2018 08:20

Where I’m from (not UK), it’s something some highly respectable older couples do for their 40th or 50th wedding anniversary, often in a low-key religious ceremony — absolutely no implications he vows in question have been broken! I only came across the latter implication on Mn.

GertieMotherwell · 06/05/2018 08:23

I don’t see the point of renewing your vows after one partner has cheated. If the vows you took originally weren’t enough to stop them, I can’t see why it would be any different the second time

How incredibly small minded

EasterRobin · 06/05/2018 08:23

My first thought would be they didn't have a "dream wedding" the first time round and now they have sufficient resources to do it. Second thought that they had separated and now reconciled.

Thebluedog · 06/05/2018 08:24

Wow I’ve never thought it would be an affair. I’ve had several friends renew at various milestone anniversaries, one was 10 years another 30. I just saw it as a celebration of their married life together and an excuse for a bloody good party 🎉

Threehoursfromhome · 06/05/2018 08:24

I don’t really see the point. If you want a party to celebrate staying married, then you can throw a wedding anniversary party and other people can attend or not, as they wish. I’m not sure what the renewal of vows adds other than trying to make it ’more than’ an anniversary party. And why does it need to be more than an anniversary party?

That said, I wouldn’t necessarily assume infidelity. One couple I know were very vocal about their wedding day being the best day of their lives and did talk about renewing their vows, so they could recreate the day. They were nice people, but I don’t think they realised that while it was the best day of their lives, it was not necessarily more special than any other wedding to anyone other than them and their parents.

They dropped the idea, I think after they got a few ’is everything okay in your marriage? responses.

missyB1 · 06/05/2018 08:25

Why is it self indulgent or cheesy? And why assume an affair? I honestly don’t understand why people think these things Confused

It’s something DH and I are thinking of doing. We’ve both had cancers diagnosed in the last two years, we want to celebrate how strong our marriage is. It will be a private ceremony abroad somewhere, a day just for us and the kids.

40isnew50 · 06/05/2018 08:25

I thought the vows were "until death do us part" not "until one of us fucks up and breaks our vows" or "until we have more money than sense and want to pay for another wedding". In my opinion vows are for life and therefore there is no need to "renew" them. Each to their own though.

IceSwan · 06/05/2018 08:26

I'd never have thought affair but after this thread, that will be my first thought!

surferjet · 06/05/2018 08:29

Self indulgent & a bit tacky.
I’ve never known anyone do it tbh, but that’s what I’d think.

FairNotFair · 06/05/2018 08:32

MintChoc Grin

I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like ... Pete