What do you think when you hear someone is renewing their wedding vows?

[Mytwistedimagination]

Just that. Do you see it as a positive or negative? Do you assume there's a particular reason behind it?

(Reading that back, it sounds like journo fishing. It's not, believe me!)

You see, Oli I actually think that's quite sweet, and I've surprised myself saying that. It's the having an audience to it that I have a problem with.

We plan to on our 25th.

Our wedding was more about bringing our family and friends together, renewal would be about us celebrating us in our way and no need to please guests and invite everyone to please older family members.

I'm not sure I'd assume cheating, but I'd think the woman wanted to do it and the man was just going along with it, and it was all a bit attention seeking. Maybe something wrong with the marriage that it was needed.

I also don't really understand the need to do it if nothing wrong. it's not like your vows have an expiration date.

We renewed. No one cheated. But we always wanted to get married abroad. So we did it on our 15th anniversary. We didnt invite anyone. It was just us and the kids on a beach.

Yes, we haven't got to 15 years yet but this is what we're planning. Us, parents, siblings, siblings' spouses and families, all kids. That's all. It's a weekend thing, not long haul, and we're covering all costs.

I know some people will assume it's weird, or that our marriage is in trouble, or that we're 'attention seeking' or something like that, but none of those people are invited so we really don't care. It'll be beautiful.

I only know of one couple who have done this , he had an affair about a year later.

To those who say it is self indulgent and cheesy , do you feel the same way about big birthday parties for adults ?

We had a marriage blessing for our 5th anniversary. We only had a small wedding and only invited our parents and siblings. The renewal was because I felt guilty for not having the rest of the family.
It didn’t even occur to me that people thought we were doing it because one of us cheated

That they'd been through a rough patch one way or another. Or when they were originally married they felt for one reason or another that they weren't in the right state of mind.

We didn't quite have the wedding we wanted (badly let down by my parents) and it's tainted the memory of what should have been a really happy day for both of us.

At some point, we'll take our babies abroad and have a renewal on some exotic beach. It'll simply be to make amends for our sad wedding and celebrate what we've achieved as a couple since then. We probably won't tell anyone about it either.

I think it's a lovely thing to do. When your marriage enters a new phase, it's nice to renew your determination and commitment to each other. We've been married 25 years. I'd think about doing it when the children leave home, or when we are about to retire.

I’d think either didn’t have the wedding they wanted first time round or fancy spending lots of money on a day all about them.

Do what you like and tell people if you like. If they don't like it, that's their problem.

Of course, if you don't want to tell people then don't. Just don't let the eternal MN glare of 'but that's ATTENTION SEEKING!' make you keep it a secret if you don't want to. It's not a crime.

Unless it was part of a really big anniversary party (25th or higher landmark) I'd assume it was a sticky plaster after an affair, but wouldn't be surprised if it was some other major crisis.

Indulgent and cheesy is running away to Vegas and having a renewal done by Elvis, just the two of you, for the giggles.

If they were inviting people I'd feel pretty fed up - throwing a party = great, vow renewal = boring and all about them. I'd assume something bad had happened.

Dh and I had a wedding blessing in church when we'd been married about 5 years, and yes it was after a terrible patch of illness. That was just us and the vicar, and it really was hugely romantic. I don't think we told anyone for years that we'd done it.

I would think most probably an affair, but, that’s not the only vow people break.

Money to burn.

Mawkish brash and attention seeking. I would think there had been cheating too I'm afraid.

Frumpety no because it's traditional to celebrate birthdays every year and big birthdays especially so. A wedding is a big thing because it's a one off deal. That is the point. People can do what they want and not be influenced by others that feel it to be a negative thing, that's up to them of course.

What I would think would depend on who it was or the circumstances.

If it was any of my friends or family I choose to regularly have in my life then why would I think as badly about them as many of the people on here are judging people to be?

Anyone else I don’t value or respect then yes, I could quite comfortably be just as judgemental.

To those who say it is self indulgent and cheesy , do you feel the same way about big birthday parties for adults?

No. You're only 40 once, or 50, or 60 or whatever. Having a wedding ceremony is a one off thing.

It's like wedding anniversaries, it's not something I would expect anyone else to remember apart from the couple, because it's just about them.

My aunt did it for 10th anniversary. They had only had a very small wedding. So for 10th anniversary the did the whole church wedding, big white dress, full reception etc.

I'd assume affair tbh, or at the very least a gulf in the relationship. Consequently it annoys me that DH keeps suggesting we do it

Only couple I knew who did this did it a mere 5 years in to their marriage, both cheated on previous partners and regularly post selfies of how happy they are and hint at active sex life. I wouldn't assume all marriage renewals are to move on from infidelity but I'd bet this one was!

My ex in laws did it - I assumed it was to show off and be the centre of attention - now I'm thinking maybe cheating! But I can't see anyone wanting to have an affair with either of them!

Ex fil is the epitome of a narcissist

I always thought it was something people did for landmark anniversaries if maybe they didn't get the 'dream wedding' first time round or something like that.

Mumsnet is so certain it's because of cheating that I don't think I could see it differently now!

We did this on our 5th wedding anniversary. A couple of years before we got married we went to Las Vegas and we were very tempted to get married there. However it wasn't terribly practical at the time as I was a student, we had nowhere to live etc. So we decided that one day we would go back and renew our vows. So we did! No fuss and just us there and it was lovely. We recently went to a vow renewal where the couple were celebrating 20 years of marriage. They had a wedding booked but it was getting out of hand, bigger and bigger etc so they cancelled the wedding and eloped. They always said one day they would have a party. It was a wonderful day with all their nearest and dearest and it was just a huge celebration.