Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Margo that's brilliant!

Hey all - just an update on Wednesday's date - he cancelled. My gut was right! He said he was hungover because he'd been out the night before. Asked to reschedule but...and I'm sure some of you will disagree with this...I just blocked him! He had made no effort to chat or get to know me in the lead up to our initial date, and I just couldn't be bothered. If I'm going on a date with someone I wouldn't go out the night before and get wrecked. I guess I've been burned very badly and I am on a zero tolerance at the moment. My gut says he wasn't right.

I'm meeting a guy I went on a date last week with tomorrow quickly for coffee. I'm not really that bothered about him, but he's made effort to talk to me throughout the day every day. I think tomorrow I will need to decide if I want to date him or not. I enjoy his chat for company throughout the day, but don't want to use someone for companionship because I've been there and it's not nice.

I also have a potential date Saturday but aside from arranging the date I've not heard from the guy since. Will again wait to see, I'm learning fast to not believe a date is happening unless the day has come and they confirm they are still going to meet me. So much flakiness.

@WheelyCote well done!!!! That is exactly the attitude I want if someone says they don't want a relationship. I wasted 5 months with a guy who then told me that after leading me on. When he said 'Can I think on that' he's probably trying to lead you on in the hope he can get some action and then tell you again he doesn't want a relationship.

@LanguidLobster I know @LiteraryDevil is taking a break from MN. Hopefully we'll have her back soon.

But you see Mr bikini has showed what he is already. That's a very good thing. In my opinion.

The ones you don't want will do that if you let them show themselves.

I still get ones I give my number to that then ruin it by asking for a picture or whatever. Then its shut it down and delete it time. I don't even respond, just blocked and no chance.

I don't spend ages texting them, i usually say right from the start i prefer talking on the phone. Then they call rather than start text ping pong. A phone call usually tells me if its worth meeting up or not. Until I've met them I don't invest lots of time talking or texting because you need to see them in the flesh to see if it's got legs.

This week I have had 5 phone calls. Of the 5 I have accepted one date. The other 4 were not for me.

just a numbers game/sorting wheat from chaff exercise.

Meow, I think zero tolerance has to be the way. There just is no point taking any crap - ever really but particularly when they should be wanting to make a good impression.

I hate phone-calls, so I’d rather do a few texts and get a coffee/ drink in very quick.

LiteraryDevil is posting again, I saw her earlier.

I hate phone calls too. Even with friends.

I don't do phone calls either, I barely call people I know let alone interweb strangers. Mr DiamondMine and I are on date 7 now and are yet to talk on the phone; I'm happy for it to stay that way!

I don't do prolonged messaging before meeting either though; a few initial messages to establish interest then wait for them to suggest a date - if they do then very minimal messaging in between, and only ever if initiated by them, if they don't I unmatch/delete after a few days.

I hate phone calls too, however after my last disaster dating someone for nearly half a year who only text I realise it's an emotionally unavailable thing to do. Plus, I think after a while of dating I quite enjoy chatting on the phone. Early days though it's a big no no, I had one guy on Tinder insist he call me to tell me some 'funny story' he had as soon as we matched. I was like ummmmmmmmmmm UNMATCH. haha.

I can't even be bothered to meet the guy I'm going on a date with tomorrow. We're meeting once I'm finished at the gym at lunch so I'm going to look a state and I don't even care. Just wish I could find someone that makes me excited to see them :(

I had a nice date. Mr Tall is nice. We will probably meet for another nice date. It better get more exciting as nice is...bit boring.

Pudding I understand the bad boy appeal, Mr Cute had a bit of that, but try not to be too misled by it.

Date tomorrow with Mr SameEmployer. He looks at least 10 years older than me judging photos, but personality can sway me.

Whatever works for you really. I too used to do the quick coffee thing but found I was meeting too many duds that were fine in writing but lacking in person. Found the intro of the phone stage to work wonders. Dating is energy intensive. I don't want to expand energy on a fruitless night out.

I enjoy sitting in my pyjamas rather than making the effort to go out with someone it's just not going to work with. I find calls are a good screening process for that. Alot of men with boring personalities can come across well via written word as they can think about what to say. If they are too nervous to call that says a lot to me.

I agree texting is lazy and a bit emotionally unavailable. No effort required and you are one of many being sent a good morning text. In contrast, they have to put effort in to call. You have their full attention. Texting has it's place but it's not my preferred main method.

hi all, literally just back home from holiday. I am trying to catchup - hope you are all happy and dating. Mr Snog called me on Tuesday while I was away - didnt expect that at all, had a quick chat and I said I will see him this weekend.

hello ladies.. not normally on the dating thread but just after some advice please?!
I split with my date of 3 months back in March, unexpected as I was really feeling it with him. Hey ho. I'm over him now and dipped my toes in OLD. Just chatting though. Been chatting to a guy for around 3 weeks now. Just general chit chat... a little bit of flirting but normally routine everyday stuff. due to meet on Saturday. I'm not sure it can go anywhere as he is 45 mins from me. Anyway.. here is my question. Something he said has put me off.
I'm happy to meet for coffee but seems he wants alcohol involved. I'm am in no way up for a one night stand or fling. I'm not ready. But he says we need a 'quick chat' about where we meet due to difficulty getting back if alcohol involved. Feel like not bothering. Wtf would we need a quick chat about it? I feel pressured. Equally I don't know this guy from Adam so perhaps I should 'chat' to him as planned tonight and suggest coffee as a starting point.

tictac don't let him push you into having alcohol if you don't want to. Maybe have a chat and see what he says about it. If that seems to be the most important aspect of your date then say you no longer want to me him.

I've been chatting to someone whose location is right on the limits of how far I'll travel. Except he just told me that he doesn't live there yet. He's moving in a few months and doesn't seem to get why that might be a problem. He's over 2 hours away now.
I unmatched Mr Bikini as I think he would just keep pushing the innuendos.
Back to zero interest again.

tictac do not feel pressured if you don't wan to have alcohol thats fine and he should accept it. Definitely suggest somewhere you feel comfortable with for a first meeting i.e. a coffee shop. I had one date in a little pub about 10 miles from home and I had to drive so couldn't drink and the guy made out it was the end of the world and kept pushing, he knew I was driving. I didn't see him again.

jax hope you had a good holiday and it is good that you heard from Mr. Snog while you were away. He must have been thinking about you.

tictac just tell him you won't be drinking and suggest meeting for a coffee, see what he says. I don't really drink and it's never been an issue on any of my dates.

Choc good luck for your date today.

thanks ladies. I'm just feeling a little uneasy. it started off as a distraction for me and to be honest I don't think I'm ready, but may be surprised.. who knows. Im quite quiet natured, I'm not sure he is and I don't want to feel uncomfortable. how do I deal with it if we're just not compatible? is it best to put a time limit to the date?

I am feeling a bit confused again...

I gave the guy I am dating the benefit of the doubt once when a friend saw his profile on a dating site but last night I was so tired so he text at 10:30 saying he had just got into bed and I said goodnight as I wanted to do the same. I scrolled through Facebook when I woke up and when people are nearby they seem to show as 'These friends in X' or sometimes 'these friends are travelling' etc. on my timeline. I normally just scroll past but he showed as being in X the same town as me... not where he lives.

I clicked on it and it said 2 hours ago so would have been 3/4 am and 10km away - he lives in another town 14km away. He hasn't been on social media since 11pm and I think he is on call from 7am. When he stays at mine he always leaves to make sure he is home for or just after 7am, when he has work. I have been keeping an eye on it this morning and it updated to his home location at about 9am.

He may have been called out earlier on shift, can it be wrong/ not accurate, he does have family nearby so maybe he had to do something and then the location stuck. I am not texting him this morning though and will see what he says. If he does get in touch, should I bring it up?

tictac I have never set time limits for dates but if you meet for a coffee and you're not compatible I think it is fairly easy to leave after you have finished one coffee. I do have friends who set alarms on their phones and pretend its ringing and then they can make the decision... I don't like that or think it is particularly believing.

Tictac, you sound really uncertain about meeting this guy. If you are feeling uncomfortable about anything he is suggesting, then just don't go on the date. Tell, him you'd rather meet for coffee and if he doesn't want to do that, then he isn't the right man for you.

Mr Shiny texted this morning to say he's so busy (on his day off) can we postpone to next week and then wanted some big old natter on text. I said fine to postpone but I was super busy at work, so was signing off. Can't be arsed with that bollox.

Think you've done the right thing with Mr Bikini Runs.

Maybe phonecalls are the way to go. Mind you, I have two teenagers in my house & the thought of them listening to my calls to unknown men is very off-putting!

Tictactic listen to your gut! X

Hello all..... so I have been speaking to a guy and working up to that all important phone call.

Having had many unfortunate encounters and my fair share of freaks weirdos and flakes..... this time if feels a bit different but I am being very guarded and careful this time round.

When does being complimentary tip over into love bombing? This guy is giving lovely compliments and I'm not sure whether it is my inability to take them or whether he is a tad love bombing, otherwise he seems incredibly genuine and don't want to tar all with the same brush.

Can anyone who HAS been love bombed give me some examples? Then I can make a bit of a better judgement.... thanks all xxx

I've just spoken to him and it felt uncomfortable. I don't think we'll be for each other at all. I'm proud of myself for taking control on the call. nothing about it felt right and that's just the call! I wonder if should go ahead tomorrow and meet him just to give him a chance and out of curiosity?

Vixen- what you need to bear in mind is all men get carried away at the beginning. Hence patience and going slow, letting them come to you. See it as flattering but ignore all words and watch actions.

Time will tell basically. Keep your eyes open. This is why holding back pays off.

The number of men that have told me how fantastic I am on the first and second dates, get themselves very over excited - I could retire if I had a quid for each of them. But time shows their true colours. Don't listen, watch.

Good luck :)

Tictactic you could but please trust your gut. I wasted £25 in a date out of the decency of giving him a chance. If I'd have spoken on the phone to him I'd have known to cancel as knew as soon as I met him he wasn't for me. Or possibly anyone the rude, judgemental twat. Still can't believe he called his 10 yeR old daughter a cow.

Tictac- you can gain a lot of detail from just one call to make a decision if they are even date worthy. and you get to sit there painting your nails which is a bonus