Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Xiola, that is a good way to look at it if you can.

I have to say I find it hard sometimes to reign in the hope sufficiently hard enough to just see dating like I see clothes in a shop that I may or may not like. I know I should emotionally disengage and frame it exactly like you suggest but for some reason that doesn't always come easy.

Xiola that's a good analogue and you have some good advice. But from my point of view it's as though they shut the shop doors as soon as they see me coming. Bit like that scene in Pretty Woman where they tell her they have nothing to fit her.

xiolablueviolet you are actually my hero..... sat here reading through everything furiously nodding and stopped short of fist punching the air.

Amen to that! Xx

And also you know TK Max is full of seconds and last years stuff. The stuff that I lying about where it came from, or is it quite right!

I want the real deal!

But I do get what you are trying to say but if it was only one man but it seems to be a lot!

Have decided to take a break this week, do some work on myself and then see how I feel.

I don't know about seconds. I got a very nice coach handbag in there last week :)

I have found the sad truth to be that as soon as I got happier with myself, and got the right 'vibe
' (god I do hate that word) it all changed.

Pretty woman is a good analogy actually. What does she do after they tell her to fuck off? That's the vibe you need to have.

If you are happy in yourself and aren't bothered about a man's opinion of you, then the emotional disengagement happens on it's own.

Don't get me wrong. I have been other posters at times. Made some terrible cringey mistakes. Phone watching, chasing, emotional investment.

Now I don't care if they text or call or not. It's very nice when they do obviously. But I have my own happy life as I am on my own. Men are a nice bonus cherry. Not the whole cake.

None of us are responsible for other people's behaviour; you can only control how you react to it.

I swapped a few funny messages with a guy on Bumble one evening recently, seemed nice and all, and he messaged again the next morning to say hello but I had literally just got to work and couldn't reply. When I opened the app again at lunchtime to respond - 4.5 hours later - he'd unmatched me. Meh. If he can't wait a few hours for a reply on a weekday morning when he knows I have a job to go to that's his lookout. I can't control his or anyone else's behaviour and won't waste my time thinking about it.

That's it exactly.
I think why would I want something long term with someone so unsure of themselves? So lacking in confidence? Learnt my lessons with that type of man. Nothing good comes of it.

I've had a date with a lovely guy, went well but...

on the date he said he's not looking for a relationship. WTF

I said, 'right then, that puts a dampener on things because ultimately I'm looking for someone to share a life together with BUT equally that doesn't mean I'm wanting to rush into anything unless was right'

I cut the date short but was polite despite thinking Tosser.

He's rang me today and asked to take me out again
I repeated what I said last night and said, I'm not dating people who aren't ultimately wanting the same thing looking for friends. He then said,

Can I think on that I said you can think on what you want.

What's all that about???????

I'm supposed to be seeing someone (an ex) but am not sure if he's shaping up

I suggested getting an ice cream/picnic then walking the 4 hours from town to city. He doesn't seem enthralled with this idea.

It's only 4 hours! Neither of us have mobility issues. If he doesn't like walking fair enough but I need him to be pretty clear if so otherwise this isn't going to work

Wtf Wheely .. what is it he wants then? A shag?

Can’t say I’d be enthralled with a four hour walk either Languid are you looking to get back together?

4 hours @LanguidLobster ! I walked the dog for 2.5 yesterday and thought I might actually die!

Oh all these anti 4 hour walk people

I thought it sounded fun. I may have to do it on my own and get a new boyfriend...

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a nice walk. But a four hour walk would need to be planned well in advance and it would need to be country or coast, not town to city.

So what are the rules if an apparently lovely guy asks you to text him during the day, but may take hours to get back to you?

There's many reasons a reply isn't quick but I'd rather not text when at work purely for this reason. Even though he asked I now feel I'm chasing. Aaargh!!

4 hour walk does sound a little hardcore Languid - unless you are a rambler or something like that! Don't judge him too harshly.

Azzizam, need more info. Did he specifically ask you to text during the day - or did he just say text me tomorrow? I'm always dubious about anyone asking for comms in specific time slots.

Wheely - I'd be giving him a wide berth. Stuff like that does my head in and I'd be thinking he has flakey tendencies and that is no way to start something.

Wheely- you've done the right thing. Women sometimes don't listen when men are actually being honest. Let him think about it. Do nothing. He will either step up or he won't. Men like to move at their own pace. Whether that pace is reasonable is another matter. If he keeps asking you out you can go and see depending on how it feels and how he acts. Not words, actions. Just don't initiate. Definitely no sex. See what happens. He will show his true colours in under 6 weeks. Not very long to be patient really.

Azziz- don't fall for that. I'm too busy to be texting men in the day when I'm at work, putting effort into my job and career. Do nothing. See what happens.

The walking thing. Do you need him for that activity? Is it something for you to do by yourself? It's good to have interests outside of the relationship...If he's good in other aspects/areas.

Lechat no idea. It's the balls of it if he is!

Margo I think that's the word....flaky.

Why is dating so hard😩 is it just OLD or is it just as bad when meeting people in RL?

Azziz I'd tell him works too manic and texting would be haphazard therefor you'd prefer to text when you've both finished. Maybe text before work saying 'morning, hope you have a good day' type of thing

Xiola I'll do that. He's texted me to say he's not sure what he wants but would really like to see me again

Languid are there any shorter walks you could do together. I like walking but a 4 hour walk would be a bit too much

I love the TKMaxx analogy... I went in yesterday, picked up something but found the queue to pay was massive so put it back and left!

I’d happily do the 4hr walk LanguidLobster and if he’s an ex I expect you know him well enough to gauge if it’s got legs ;)

I had a dates Sunday with MrPerfect (who is lovely but I don’t fancy) and Monday with MrSecretlyLongDistance (omitted to mention beforehand he’s recently moved home to his parents’ 50 miles away!). I have a date on Saturday with MrHot (very attractive but I had to ask to meet as it was dragging on).

I also just signed up for Match and saw an ex who dumped me a few years ago... should really have scrolled past and kept my dignity but I sent him a friendly message

He just said "text me any time you feel like chatting". I don't really chat but just felt like I should acknowledge him. It's all a newbie but I'll say I'll keep it to mornings and evenings. Mind you he text me yesterday and I didn't realise my phone was on silent so he thought I'd forgotten him.

What happened to @LiteraryDevil? Think she had a date weekend before last?

Ok I'll try not to be judgmental about a 4 hour trot being potentially rejected . I thought that sounded like fun as it's starting off from the beach where he visited with family as a child and said he wanted to visit again. Who doesn't like ice cream and walking anyway??

It would take a lot of ice cream to get me to walk 4 hours @LanguidLobster !!

I do think it's a lovely idea though.... Just perhaps half the distance!

I've messaged Mr Travel to see if he fancies a drink tomorrow. YOLO right?

No response yet... I'm totally calm. Totally calm. Honest....

Well, lovely guy has messaged me a couple of times.

I've just replyed saying...
I repeat, whilst your not looking for something more than dating then Im parking things

I'm just going to ignore now. I suppose if he's flaky then persistence is his 'go to' and must work

I must admit I am flattered, he is a bit of a charmer but I don't need any headfucks

Wheely even if he says he is after a ltr now would you trust him?

I have a date tomorrow with Mr Tall, it's weird messaging someone I know from rl. I like it, feel less suspicious as I know he is a regular man with regular job.