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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

999 replies

Jaxinthebox · 03/05/2018 07:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 04/05/2018 08:52

choc then tell him you would like a bit more conversation - or pull back a bit and see if he invests. Maybe you are making it too easy for him... Ive just had to go watch some Matthew Hussey as I could easily fall for Mr French!

thenewphase . I am handing you a grip! Read WMLB/watch Mat Hussey/the lady recommended by someone else on here.

Happy Friday everyone - and happy Bank Holiday to you all in England. I miss the bank holidays. In Scotland they dont get as many. Grin .

OP posts:
Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 04/05/2018 08:53

choc . Matthew Hussey does a great video on texting - the value of texting its really good. Go watch it.

OP posts:
pudding21 · 04/05/2018 09:25

Morning daters.

So ex FWB came over, was nice to see him but that spark has decreased a little bit, he didn't stay long. I would see him again, but I am not going to get like we did before.

The voice message I left with Mr French went unopened so at 2am i decided to delete it. He won't have heard it but will know I deleted a message. This morning I text him as he was online and he replied straight away. I told him I get he is busy, but that i feel like I am chasing him and that is the quickest way for me to lose interest. He repleid saying he thought my feelings were legitimate, but genuinely he had been off his phone and trying to solve issues he has with work and living space.

I'm pleased I got it off my chest, i was breezy saying no worries, and I hope he got things sorted soon. Maybe I have fucked it, but if thats the case I am not interested.

Been talking to a few guys off tinder, but I am jaded with it all again. I just want someone who matches my effort, that isn't too much to ask is it?

SpringtimeSun · 04/05/2018 09:47

TheNew get on YouTube and look for Amy Young, how to make yourself rejection proof!!!

MorgaineLeFay · 04/05/2018 10:14

Hello can I join? Separated from my husband 5 months ago, have been on Bumble a bit... but about 5 weeks ago I got back in touch with an old flame from 23 years ago! 😳 we had a holiday romance when I was 19, and he was 20. It was lovely and we stayed in touch and wrote letters and visited each other and it naturally just fizzled when he started uni.

We have been texting most days and have had 3 phone conversations, of which the longest was 5 hours!! Despite this we haven't actually done much flirting, and what we have done had been almost entirely from me.

And today I am travelling to visit him in Bristol, 2.5 hours away!

I'm so excited and nervous, I'm not actually looking for love, I'm enjoying being single after 10 years of no attention but I think he's gorgeous and we used to have a great spark. When we met we had amazing sex on the beach, all very teen romance novel haha!

Solidarity with everyone here, this is hard!! I would appreciate any good vibes 😬

Lovemusic33 · 04/05/2018 12:10

Mr Tinder has only just left, was meant to leave at 8am. We are officially in a relationship and he asked if he could put it on Facebook. Done a lot of talking today which was good (well most of it). I’m still not letting my guard down, finding it really hard as this is my first relationship since my ex (who cheated on me and abused me), there’s a few things about Mr Tinder that remind me of my ex, not things that are concerning, just silly things and then I just take a step back and tell myself ‘be careful’, I think it’s making me put up a wall Sad I’m trying to read him all the time, probably judging him and expecting him to let me down. For now maybe it’s a good thing but longtearm it could be a bad thing?

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 04/05/2018 12:59

morgain good vibes coming your way! Best of luck and have a good time.
pud . good for you! Whether your Mr French backs off or not is his loss either way.

love good luck

OP posts:
Costaricachica · 04/05/2018 14:25

Just checking in on the new thread!

Whoever recommended those Amy Young videos - thank you - have found myself binge watching them as she's just spot on. That one about the "obsessive loop" in your head when you can't get over someone is amazing. I've found them such a huge help.

Are you Ok lost? Still NC with the Headfucker? I've not heard from mine for over 2 weeks now and the fog has lifted. I think I'm finally there and done with him. Hurray!! And got myself a date next week with someone new. He's not my usual type but thinking that might not be a bad thing so will give it a whirl and see what happens!

NewYear2019 · 04/05/2018 14:52

Hello all

Been off for a while as been dating a guy for a few months now but I still read the thread. We only see each other weekly (for various practical and logistical reasons) and only started dtd recently. I'm holding back a bit though as when I saw him this week we watched tv, then dtd at his place, cuddled 5 mins and then he got up and dressed Confused it was about 10pm so not that late and I know he was tired. But tbh I was a bit insulted as it was clear I was to leave then. Do you reckon I am being oversensitive? He didn't say anything like 'oh I wish you could stay longer but i know you have work early tomorrow'. Maybe it's just a man thing and I know he was tired so maybe he wanted me to go so he could sleep. He's been friendly and affectionate over the phone since then. I just don't want to be/feel like a booty call.

MinnieMul · 04/05/2018 15:29

Sending good vibes MorgaineLeFay and welcome

Love sounds like it is moving the right direction. It is good to keep your guard up though and keep an eye on the small things that concern you to make sure they're not turning into bigger things. I received a text today which said 'we have been invited to a bbq on sunday if I don't get called into work.' which has made me think things are also moving in the right direction, despite him being so busy with work I havent see him since Monday.

Thenewphaseofmylife · 04/05/2018 17:24

I must of had a spider sense as MrTeacher has just cancelled Sunday 1st date saying ex wife wants him to have daughter for longer. Not sure I believe that.

Skyrabbit · 04/05/2018 18:28

Checking into the new thread 😁
Absolutely bot all to report here, not a sniff of an iron.
Sounds like a few of you are having some luck though, hooray 😄

Lostlily · 04/05/2018 18:59

Costa I am okay thanks. Had a really tough few days.... Miss Mr Headfuck as its been a long chunk of time and good intentions or not.... He was good to talk to and very god in bed Blush

I haven't been on any OLD sites for several months so late last night I reopened my profile on POF and Bumble and I have three chats going on. My Heart isn't really in it.... But I need to take my mind of Mr Headfuck and al the other crappy stuff
Sounds like you have done really well 👍

Chocmallows · 04/05/2018 19:17

Thanks Jax I'm going to look the Matthew Hussey text video up...

Costaricachica · 04/05/2018 19:35

Lost I wouldn't go that far - my heart isn't fully in it as he doesn't give me that same buzz the other one did but I know I need to force myself to move on. I had a good few days/ weeks just pining for him, it was unhealthy. Thankfully I've kicked myself up the arse and am forcing myself to move on as it was never going to go anywhere. I knew that all along just didn't want to admit it to myself. I found watching some of those Amy Young videos to be the torch light in my eyes that I needed.

We'll see what happens. I have no expectations. He seems a nice guy but if he's not then it'll be good practise for me to bin him off!

So pleased that some people are becoming official etc - congrats guys! Love is in the air xx

RunsforCake14 · 04/05/2018 20:05

Can I have some help, please? I need some critical feedback on my POF profile.
I get lots of views and quite a lot of messages, but the messages seem to fall into 3 categories:
a) too far away - usually ridiculous distance like 2hr+ drive
b) far too young and just looking for a quick hook-up with an older woman
c) older than me but are in the hi-vis/potato head/prisoner look category. Some are quite scary!

I've had nobody "normal" send me a message or reply to my message. I'm just looking for someone around my age, who looks like they take care of themselves and can hold a conversation. I didn't think it would be so difficult.

Lostlily · 04/05/2018 20:23

Runs lmao Hi-vis, potato head, prisoner look ....
There aLOT of those hahahaha

RunsforCake14 · 04/05/2018 20:26

Lostlily there are a lot of them and they seem to love me! I get about 3 messages a day from them.

Techgirldating2018 · 04/05/2018 21:36

runs and lost hi viz photos for me to. Meh
And costa and lost I’m with you on the moving on from the MrHeadfucks but it’s so hard, despite Amy Young and Matthew talking sense to me I still think about him far too much.
Ex coming this weekend to help sort the house for sale..
work tomorrow, Happy Bank Holiday to me

Skyrabbit · 04/05/2018 22:15

runs if you do find a way to get rid of the not-so-hot felon looking potato heads, PLEASE PLEASE let me know 😂

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 04/05/2018 22:25

sky . just dont reply to them. Its like Crimewatch on Pof always sometimes.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 04/05/2018 22:26

Ok, question for you ladies (and gents), just something that’s bugging me as I am insecure. Last week when Mr Tinder came over he received a message through messenger on his phone, he was looking at his phone next to me so I saw it, it was a text from a woman asking him what he was doing at the week end, he said something like ‘she’s so annoying’. Today he changed his Facebook thingy to ‘in a releationship’, straight away a messaged came through from this woman, I didn’t see what it said. He was pretty open and said that it was someone he had been talking too but that he wasn’t interested in her. It’s been bugging me ever since, I have been on to his Facebook and found her (I know I shouldn’t stalk) and she’s pretty and young. It’s made me feel really uneasy. Am I just being stupid? I was obviously speaking to other men too but am not anymore. Should I just assume that he will no longer talk to her?

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 05/05/2018 07:43

I think you need to speak to him about this girl - he can block her, but the issue is yours. You need to deal with your insecurity. Remember, YOU are the prize.

Mr French v busy at work today, Ive chatted to him this morning though.

mr snog 2 missed calls from him at just before 6 this morning. My phone was on DND and silent. I know he was out last night.

OP posts:
Costaricachica · 05/05/2018 07:46

Tech it's not easy at all is it. He still creeps in to my thoughts regularly but I've been so down about it, thinking about him and the situation constantly, that I've had to force myself to try to get past it now. And a bit like Lost knowing that he's making a fool out of me has been a turning point.

Love I'm waiting to see what people advise as I'd probably have done and be feeling exactly the same as you! Although common sense tells you he's picked you to be "in a relationship" with and people's exes are completely irrelevant and shouldn't be given a second thought.

Lovemusic33 · 05/05/2018 07:49

Thanks jax ,I know the problem is mine, I have talked to others but doesn’t mean I’m going to cheat. I’m just a bit paranoid as my ex ended up cheating with several people he had been speaking too through POF (he carried on talking to them after he met me and cheated on me almost a year into our relationship). I know not all men are the same but I’m finding it hard to get that into my head Sad.

Yesterday I messaged a old iron to tell him I couldn’t talk to him anymore as I was seeing someone, he was quite upset and accused me of leading him on. Another old friend messaged me this morning trying it on with me, he’s with someone but said he still fancies me. He obviously saw on Facebook that I am now seeing someone, not sure what it is with men suddenly showing interest when your no longer available, maybe they like the challenge? I have defeated the chat from him, I haven’t deleted him from Fb as he is a family friend.