Did I do the right thing to tell my crush openly?

[Iloveworms]

Happily Married with 2DCs and early forties. Over the last 6 months a huge crush has developed on a colleague who I have to regularly work with but don’t sit anywhere near him fortunately. I told DH about it, but it hasn’t really killed it. Crush (married) has noticed my unnecessary attention to him and glances across the room. He is a really funny nice person but has now started to tease me about it. I am now totally embarrassed and decided to take the plunge and tell him openly to get him to put me off. This is what I wrote:

Xxxx, it is really frustrating & embarrassing to have these feelings for you. I know it will disappear at some point..but maybe writing it down like this will kill it more quickly. So please, go ahead and do what you think you should (ignore me, embarrass me, tell me about your bad points :-) so I can go back to how I used to see you, just a nice person and colleague. I’m sorry for being very annoying... Have a nice weekend with your family.

Did I do the right thing? I feel better now as it is out and when I am next at work I know I will be so embarrassed I will avoid him as much as I can. I’m hoping the huge embarrassment will kill it for me. It was getting too much.

Just curious to know your experiences if you’ve ever done this and wanted to get it off my chest. Of course he hasn’t responded which is what I expected and is definitely best.

Op you really do still sound very hung up on him I feel bad for you because you're obviously stuck in a rut. You need to put a brave face on, get back to work, avoid all contact with this man and just move on from all this silliness.

You really are on a wind-up, aren't you?!

OP this is obviously really getting to you, I think more than you perhaps realise yourself. Your updates are getting stranger.
I really would not send any more texts or mention your crush to your work colleague, anymore even if its passed as a lighthearted joke, as goodness knows how you're coming across to him.
He doesn't sound interested from what we have to go off here, but either way you are both married so move on.

Your updates are getting stranger.

Nah, she's just getting fucked off with people sticking the knife in and responding with humour (see sarcasm & dry wit).

@Imstickingwiththisone it sounds like you're pretty self aware and your relationship with your DH is healthier thsn most as you can be honest with him.

You need some friends out there, how long do you think you'll be there?

I think you are uncomfortable with what's happened and are trying to make your actions appear more reasonable to yourself.

I agree. Theres a load of cognitive dissonance here.

iloveworms I think I know you from your posting style. You’ve changed a few of the details but yeah I think your one of my friends. Even down to the username you’ve picked.

Fussingshoes1 you should probably contact her privately, and let her know who you are.

Saying that without revealing who you are is pretty mean, don't you think? Talk about paranoia-inducing.

If you're a friend, be a friend, hey?

if it is who I think it is - I won’t message her as she would be embarrassed and mortified blink and it’s it’s not her then I’m going to look really odd.

So don’t tell me about being a friend as if it’s her I know her better than you.

Fussing shoes why are you posting you know her publicly then. I don't understand your motivation?

Surely she will be mortified and embarrassed with or without a private message to think that one of her friends knows what she's posting on here. I'm mean cmon, it's odd as fuck.

I'd start job hunting.

if it is who I think it is - I won’t message her as she would be embarrassed and mortified

as opposed to what? you posting it publicly? And now the OP is in a paranoid position of thinking that every single person she knows might have ID'd her on MN but she has no idea which one.

What are you doing Fussingshoes1?

OP I wasn't having a go. Lord knows I've embarrassed myself with men enough times in my life, particularly the type I described- serial flirts. I feel sympathy for you.

I actually feel a bit sorry for the op also now.

It's bad enough she's embarrassed herself with this guy, but to have someone you know know you've done it but also that you're posting how he really fancied you, it was a near affair, how you've done him and his wife a favour must be fairly chilling, how you've never really fancied your husband, how you crave Male attention, especially if there is a possibility they know the man or who know who he is, or know your husband.

Overall it makes it all a lot more serious, because that's gossip that gets out. If it's real then everyone she knows could have read this bread by now.

Thread not bread!

You sound about 13 OP. Serious.

OP if you do come back to thread, leave again. Lots of people being unnecessarily mean in my opinion. Good luck with marriage and I hope work goes ok.

Back to my serious self

I don’t mind taking the meanness, honestly. I made a bunch of mistakes here. Obviously the kinder comments are more heartwarming.

Firstly I don’t think anyone really knows me and if they do so be it.

This man is a distraction. He’s really nice and under different circumstances (ie 20 years earlier) I’m sure we might have even dated. But that’s by the by.

I think the problem is not caring enough about my marriage and looking for illicit excitement outside of it. And then making excuses for that. It’s MY job to invest everything in my marriage to make it work. And start reinforcing the closeness and intimacy so that I don’t even feel tempted to look elsewhere.

We have let things go and I have some personal tendencies (impulsiveness, selfishness, lack of empathy) which have contributed to this

I should not be saying “maybe we’re not perfect together “ but what can I and We do to make this better and make it a breeze to ride an attraction to someone else.

Lots of work to do still. We need to get busy with trying to make our relationship romantically fulfilling.

Mr Crush has NOTHING to do with it.

Thanks for the help.
Xxx

Paralysed by fear of crossing him this morning!!
Ach, just smile (at ridiculous self) and it will be OK.
:-))))

Hope it goes OK today for you OP and it's not too awkward x

Fingers crossed worms. If he's as good a friend as you say, he'll laugh it off, call you crazy and you'll be back to normal before you know it. And definitely don't continue texting etc.

op you really need to get a hold of this. hope work isn't too excruciating!

He will be ignoring you. Deep breath and you'll be fine.

It won't be half as bad as you think it will be op. You sound more clearheaded amd rational now, let's keep it that way.

Worms you'll be fine, it will be old news soon enough.

Just laugh it off if he does mention it, if he doesn't just try to ignore the elephant in the room this will be difficult to begin with but as each day goes by it will get easier.

I speak from experience although my colleague was single and my marriage was well and truly over it was still an awkward situation but you are both adults and I'm sure you will be able to work past this and hopefully rebuild a working relationship.

I have to add I am flabbergasted by some of the cruel comments made here.
We are all human and at times become vulnerable, we make mistakes. Op has clearly recognised this and is taking positive steps to move forward.