Did I do the right thing to tell my crush openly?

[Iloveworms]

Happily Married with 2DCs and early forties. Over the last 6 months a huge crush has developed on a colleague who I have to regularly work with but don’t sit anywhere near him fortunately. I told DH about it, but it hasn’t really killed it. Crush (married) has noticed my unnecessary attention to him and glances across the room. He is a really funny nice person but has now started to tease me about it. I am now totally embarrassed and decided to take the plunge and tell him openly to get him to put me off. This is what I wrote:

Xxxx, it is really frustrating & embarrassing to have these feelings for you. I know it will disappear at some point..but maybe writing it down like this will kill it more quickly. So please, go ahead and do what you think you should (ignore me, embarrass me, tell me about your bad points :-) so I can go back to how I used to see you, just a nice person and colleague. I’m sorry for being very annoying... Have a nice weekend with your family.

Did I do the right thing? I feel better now as it is out and when I am next at work I know I will be so embarrassed I will avoid him as much as I can. I’m hoping the huge embarrassment will kill it for me. It was getting too much.

Just curious to know your experiences if you’ve ever done this and wanted to get it off my chest. Of course he hasn’t responded which is what I expected and is definitely best.

Still managed to avoid him. Spent my day so far anytime I took a walk in the corridors scoping out any possible human form, sucking in my breath and then shaking my head in despair at myself. But been busy and that has helped.
Thanks for the kind comments.
Just wondering what actual size the elephant will be. I.e. if I’ll be able to breathe normally with its fat hairy belly stuck against my face.

Hahaha Large elephant may cause breathing difficulties....

Its going to be very awkward, but listen he played a part in this regardless what other people say so don't be too hard on yourself!!

As your taking this in such good spirits I feel it's ok to say I literally can't wait for the update when u bump into him. He's either gonna be very serious and business like, very flustered and embarrassed or he's gonna give you this sort of half smirky / embarrassed smile.... the latter is the most dangerous. All your shame will suddenly be replaced with euphoria- he secretly liked it! Danger zone officially entered.

So did you meet him during the day? Don't keep us in suspense!

No meeting each other so far but I got the feeling he’s avoiding my part of the office. Usually I see him walking about but STRANGELY not these last two days.
Having said that I already feel much better than yesterday and not dreading it as much anymore.

We can’t avoid each other forever though.

I suspect he may be feeling awkward for me and think I’m still pining for him but actually I’m not and I can feel myself getting over all this madness.

I am sure it will be ok, especially once he realises I am getting over it.

Will update once something actually happens ie we’ve shared that awkward first moment and have both survived!!!

It’s been a great help to share all this!!

Are you glad you didn't send the second email now?

The longer it goes by without seeing each other, the less awkward it will be. Be cool OP

Yes very glad!!!!
Like putting motor oil over a red wine stain!!

It was a rubbish Self Absorbed email anyway
;-)))

You called it 😂

Glad you’re feeling more relaxed about going into work. We can create all kinds of scenarios in our heads at times and always imagine the worst. Hope things are better at home too

There’s a nice website for helping you fall back in love with your partners called marriage builders. A bit cheesy and American but with lots of great advice. DH has been complaining we don’t do enough activities together at the weekend. I realised that for men this is a big thing to make them feel in love with you. So this weekend we at leaving the kids with the neighbour and going to a local festival. Taking little steps to work on us and forget about him.

The kids have sabotaged our relationship for years now. You don’t notice it happening and then you both wanted them but it drags on to the point where all the great love feelings you once had can slowly die off and you can’t remember how you used to feel about each other. And a new person seems so appealing in that situation.

Did you ever run into him OP?

Yes I did. I put what happened on a new thread.
Things are much better
DH and I are really working on our relationship and Mr Work crush is getting pushed to the far corner of my mind.
I am avoiding him like crazy as I still find him physically attractive and I don’t want to add any fuel to my obsession and it’s working but what’s working most is that DH are talking more, making love more, doing things together more, kissing more. It feels like getting a great big love pill to cure the feelings for someone else. Just telling myself to stop having to the feelings didn’t work, it really is taking action to feel in love with each other again that has worked.

Please link to the new thread op!

Yes, where is this thread?
Glad things have improved with your dh. That is exactly what you need to focus on

NEW THREAD:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3240347-Update-on-seeing-crush-after-telling-him