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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think it’s happening again.

726 replies

AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 06:58

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

OP posts:
Poshindevon · 28/04/2018 07:18

This reply has been deleted

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Butterymuffin · 28/04/2018 07:25

What family / friends do you have around to support you, OP? It sounds like this is a habit he won't change but I can also see it's daunting to tackle.

category12 · 28/04/2018 07:29

Are you tired enough of it to split up with him and not take him back?

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 07:41

@Poshindevon No it wasn’t after we conceived our fourth child, I am weak yes and I do have self respect. Yes I know I should have let him go years ago, but I didn’t 🙁 nothing is wonderful about him
anymore except that he provides for the children.
@Butterymuffin I do not have any friends of family around me, and yes I believe it’s a habit as well.
@category12 Yes I am tired of him, he has been taking advantage out of me for the past 13 years.

OP posts:
tulipali · 28/04/2018 07:46

I've been where you are, and criticism doesn't help. You just have to want to leave, it'll be hard, and you'll try look through rose tinted glasses at all the good points he has to see if they outweigh the bad. And when he finally comes back and says he'll change and can't live without you you'll want to believe it. But don't. You're worth more than that, you can do this alone. Your baby is a reason to stay with him. You can do it.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 08:01

If I were to leave him, no way would I be able to manage with 4 children.

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 28/04/2018 08:04

I left my exh and took my 4dc. It was easier to live alone with them than be also dealing with him.
What reasons do you give yourself that you can't do it?

tulipali · 28/04/2018 08:05

Well it sounds like you've already decided you're not leaving.

MarthasGinYard · 28/04/2018 08:06

This reply has been deleted

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Poshindevon · 28/04/2018 08:10

OP this is not criticism, why go on having children when you admit you cannot cope on your own and your partner has no respect for you?
The stress and worry about not knowing what your partners is up to must be soul destroying.
Does he work, support you and the children financially ? Is he a hands on Dad?
What does he think of having four children? Does he feel you trapped him?

DrMorbius · 28/04/2018 08:14

What is your question Op? Your post is just statement.

Psychobabble123 · 28/04/2018 08:20

Whilst harsh, pp are right. You need to leave him and work to improve your sense of worth and identify why you have allowed him to treat you so badly for so long. I would strongly recommend getting treatment and abstsining from further relationships until your therapy is complete or you are likely to repeat the same again with the next guy.

looondonn · 28/04/2018 08:23

Shocking harsh words on here

It's ok for you all to sit behind the screen and be judgemental

OP hope you have some help around you

Get out ASAP

DO NOT GO BACK

HE SOUNDS LIKE A BAD BAD PERSON

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 08:26

@MarthasGinYard I will not be having anymore children.
@Poshindevon He is the one who wanted more children. When I feel pregnant with my second child, I told him that if the baby wasn’t a girl I wouldn’t be going there again, we have three boys and our unborn is also a boy, yes he does support us financially and he always helps out with the children when he is not tired, I feel as if he is trapping me, the more children we have the more I am going to find it difficult to leave him.
@DrMorbuis I just need to get this all of my chest, I do not have any friends or family that I can speak to.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 28/04/2018 08:37

'he always helps out with the children when he is not tired,'

I get weary just reading these words. Not just you Op it's all over MN at the moments. Women who are so grateful for a scrap of 'help' it's parenting ffs.

SweetBabyJebus · 28/04/2018 09:08

he always helps out with the children when he is not tired

Christ OP, you make it sound like he's doing you a favour Hmm They're his fucking children, there's no 'helping out' ffs, he should be parenting them regardless of how tired he may be.

He sounds like an utter dick.

You know what you need to do. Whether or not you'll do it remains for you to decide. I hope you make the right decision - those boys deserve a much better role model.

Good luck OP.

Joysmum · 28/04/2018 09:12

Why can’t you manage your 4 children? You steady are given how little he does.

Joysmum · 28/04/2018 09:13

*already

NotTheFordType · 28/04/2018 09:13

This man has made it very clear that he will never be monogamous.

It's up to you to decide whether you'll accept that he supports you and the kids but fucks other women, or whether that's a deal breaker for you and you want to go it alone.

You also need to factor in what will happen if he gets fed up and leaves you anyway. You say you couldn't cope if you left him - why is that? It would be sensible to start changing that as most marriages end in divorce anyway.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 09:15

Just an update, he is home now. He came home in a fresh set of clothes, with cake for me and a newspaper, I asked him where he was and why he didn’t answer his phone I also told him that I was up all night worrying (because I was) he then went on to change the subject (started saying that we should go and have a look at marble flooring today) then went on to say that I should go upstairs and have a lay down and that he is going to take the boys out today.

I’m so sorry about my grammar, it is just so hard for me to write this all down.

OP posts:
eggncress · 28/04/2018 09:16

Is the house in your name too? Do you own or rent ?
Could you find out about what benefits you’d get if you left him?
Remember he would still have to pay towards his children.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You don’t need to live with him and it would be less stressful for you to be away from him.

TeeBee · 28/04/2018 09:16

God, he's really taking you for a fool, isn't he?

eggncress · 28/04/2018 09:17

He sounds guilty.

Joysmum · 28/04/2018 09:26

SONhe wont accept he did wrong and won’t acknowledge you have every right to have been angry/worried.

I do hope you aren’t going to let him pretend like this never happened.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 09:26

@eggncress the house we live in belongs to his dad, so there’s no telling him to leave.
@TeeBee yes he is guilty the cake and the newspaper shows he is.

OP posts:
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