I think it’s happening again.

[AMillionKisses]

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

Firstly, yes you can manage 4. I know plenty who do. Your 3 others are big enough now to help out with chores and aren’t in nappies etc. You working of just set up lists and reward charts and a rigorous routine and get on with it. Secondly, why can’t you claim benefits? If you are a single mum then you are entitled. I have lots of friends who have split up with abusive cheating husbands and claim benefits. It’s there so people like you can get away from people like him. Try and not be so emotional/dramatic about it all and see it as a business/economic decision.

I am just trying to get through to you that this doesn't have to be your life - it can be different and better, but only you can make it happen.

You are already drained by this situation - well, so are your kids. Your son has been excluded from school for heavens sake. Do you not see that as a massive wake up call?

Nobody can fix this for you. Yes, it will be hard, but your posts appear so passive, almost as if you think someone can just wave a magic wand and it will all be ok.

That's why a number of us have suggested the Freedom Programme and counselling - we know from experience it will help you find your self-worth and help you make choices. You might choose to stay, you might choose to go, but you will be better equipped to make a reasoned, balanced decision.

Typo

What are they learning from the MALE role model in their life?

OP

You need to get out of this situation.

If you need to clan benefits to do so then you need to look into the how's, how much and ensure you put in a csa claim. There is nothing wrong with claiming benefits if you need to. It should be a support system not a way of life if you can do this. (No one flame me I am not talking about disability etc etc I mean the dickheads who play the system).

You absolutely can leave him.

It sounds like you don't want to materially struggle and will put up with pretty much anything from him so as not to rock this particular boat.

That is your choice to do that.

But all the while you do this, your denying yourself and your children a happy home where the parents lead by example and treat each other with respect.

If he chooses to leave you for the mother of his other child or someone else you'd be in this boat anyway wouldn't you so fuck the little prick right off before he does it to you.

Just saying.

@FindTheSilverLining my son was permanently excluded from school at the beginning of the week, before I sort out myself I need to find him another school.
@Cawfee all three of my sons are very helpful I just don’t think I would be able to manage with them and a newborn whilst I’m feeling the way I am, my 12 year olds behaviour can be very unpredictable any least little thing can trigger him old but he is manageable. I never once said I can’t claim benefits it would just be something I would find it hard to adapt to as it would be a lifestyle change.

@Weezol my son being permanently excluded from school is not a wake up call because I could see it coming, he purposely got himself kicked out off school.

I am going to google The Freedom Program now because I have never heard of it before, I may not have the courage to leave now, but one day I WILL have the courage to leave.

@allthegoodnameshadgone yes you are right, I don’t want to go through any sort of struggle, the word struggle scares me.

I included a link to the online version in my first post, upthread.

Your posts are so frustrating to read.

The only person stopping you having a better life is you.

Just fuck him iff out of it ffs.

If your son in 20 years time is
Treating or being treated this way what would you say to him eh?

Run now before you end up like me. Is what you will end up saying. Stop wasting your life on such a childish, selfish, narcissistic fucking cunt.

Apologies if this gets deleted due to language I am so angry on your behalf.

Ok just delete struggle from your vocabulary and replace it with change. Change is not always hard. Change is different. Change is new. New is good. And exciting.

New house means new neighbours.
New friends.
New schools maybe? New mums to meet.
Possibly new job.
New independence

Eventually
New man, new relationship, new feelings, new experiences, new new new.

I've done this op. I am speaking from experience. If I can then you can.

If you have a tracker app why didn't you use it last night?

If the OP says she cannot cope with 4 children then I think we should take her word for it and stop berating her rather than assuming that because "plenty of women do it" she should be able to. She sounds very vulnerable but the prevailing view seems to be that she will just "find the strength" to manage 3 boys, including one with serious behavioural problems who does not want to leave his dad, and a newborn.

Since her partner's father owns the house and he (partner) is not likely to budge where do people think the heavily pregnant OP with 3 kids in tow should move to? Depending on her whereabouts it's not necessarily easy to find suitable accommodation at the drop of a hat even with her parent's monthly stipend. She is not married (didn't pick up on this earlier) so she could really be up shit's creek if she just walks out. Her 'D'P is unlikely to help her if she has the temerity to leave him. One example on a practical level, if she is living alone somewhere with the DC who will help her if post birth she needs (physical) support.

@Emma198 whenever he goes out I am continuously tracking him on the App. I know exactly where he is now. Yesterday he went from location to location, he stayed at one location for two hours.

@Eastie77 Thank you for understanding.

@allthegoodnameshadgone I would love all the things you’ve listed, I would have to get used to being single for the rest of my life as no one is going to want someone with 4 children.

Oh please don’t be so negative raising children is just a short time in life. You can have your own life and another relationship. Children are a positive especially when you see how they turn out in your old age and can be there for you. Good luck.

So he stayed out until 9 and until stayed in the same place for 2 hours? Was that his old child's mother's?

OP.
They absolutely will if they are the right person.

Don't judge by his standards. He's a prick. If you met someone and they had four kids cause it hadn't worked out with someone and they were amazing would it stop you? It wouldn't stop me.

Your making excuses now. You will not be single forever unless you decide you want to be. You sound younger than me from the dates you've posted. I met my fella at 35.

Just do it luv. You missing out on your own and your kids happiness.

@Emma198 he was in the same place for two hours before he came home, I wanted to drive to the location but I had to stop myself, I don’t know anything about his other child’s mother, any time I ask whether he has seen his other child he just changes the subject, even though he cheated on me I do encourage him to see him because children are inoccent.

I am going to speak to him if and when he does decide to come home, because I rarely tell him how I am feeling.

You are saying the things he has trained you to think/say. If you think you're useless, it means you will not want more out of life. He has taught you that you are not valuable and reinforced that over and over until you think it's true. I know this, because it happened to me.

The Freedom Programme will help you identify this kind of thing and work past it.

Op

I don't know why but your post has made me really really think about life and the choices we make. It's really made me feel for you. I don't know why but it has.

You sound really nice. Really downtrodden at the moment but you know this isn't right. Someone who loves you would not do this and make you feel like this.

You would not do this to him would you.
It wouldn't even cross your mind to do this because you are ultimately a good person with good morals and beliefs.

So if they could do this to you and you would never do it back because you know it's the wrong way to behave (even if they put up with it) why are you letting him.

I am probably half way through my life. I'm 38. Please don't get to my age and think I've actually wasted half my actual years on earth on someone who doesn't deserve it. When you can concentrate on things that make you happy like your kids, making new friends rather than tracking that dickhead on an app and worrying about where he is.

He may be a good dad. He fucking should be they are his kids too. But he is not a good husband and from what you have disclosed you are a great wife.

Get rid, give yourself a chance to be happy and divorce that fucker and go all out on his arse.

Eastie77

I agree. Is the worry over her other half though making things worse?

If she got rid of that worry maybe the op would be better equipped to deal with the issues she faces daily?

Maybe. We don't know.

Op

If you really can't face to leave in the near future can you set up a long term plan.

Document things. Access bank accounts etc so that if in the event you decide to leave further down the line you have your ducks in a row so to speak x

Stop questioning your son about your partner's whereabouts. Question your partner.
Your son is only a child and should not have to be involved in this sorry mess.

@allthegoodnameshadgone I am a nice person, hand on my heart that’s the only thing I can say about myself, I have always treated people the same way that I would like to be treated. I would never ever do something or say something to someone that I wouldn’t want someone to do or say to me, things got on top of me the day before yesterday and I told my 12 year old that I wish I never had him, I felt so gulity... I cried!

I love this man way too much that I will ever admit, as long as he doesn’t raise his voice or put his hands on me, he can do anything and as pathetic as it may sound I will always forgive him, he saved me and I will never ever forget him for doing that, all I want from him is to be faithful and I’d be happy, he will no doubt come home tonight smiling and want to give me a massage and rub my belly and I will forget about what he did last night and what he has done tonight.

I know I am frustrating someone of you here and made some of you angry but would you prefer me to tell you what you want to hear or be truthful?