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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cancelled date 30 minutes before..feel like crying

265 replies

Poppa445 · 22/04/2018 13:26

Been texting for 3 weeks ...
Arranged to meet today for a drink at quarter 2.
I got the train to his city (50 min train)
Literally got off the train and he has text
“My dad has been taken in hospital,can we re arrange?”
£18 train and 50 min journey
Feel like crying

OP posts:
Eveforever · 22/04/2018 15:38

It's not you, it's him. I had a weird date myself once, but decided to give the guy another go. That was a mistake. He told me how beautiful I was etc, but couldn't even turn up to our second meeting. Time waster.

InfiniteSheldon · 22/04/2018 15:39

Set a higher bar there is a man out there who will adore you go out and find him. Any one who expects only you to travel/cancels/changes mood/is flakey in ANY way/makes you feel crap isn't that man,

merville · 22/04/2018 15:39

Another vote for married/attached but looking for some side action - didn't get uh free afternoon he was expecting.

Even if it isn't the case, so what if you aren't his type - nothing can be changed about that, it's just the way it is. You'll meet someone whose type you are. It never ever works out if you get involved with somebody who is not fully attracted to you.

Also, do not put any major effort into meeting someone for first date, let them come to you. They will if they're interested. (Or meet half way).

Mosaic123 · 22/04/2018 15:39

He's a nutter unfortunately. A lucky escape.

Jaxinthebox · 22/04/2018 15:40

No, you are the prize! He is a dickhead who sounds like he is married!

FuzzyCustard · 22/04/2018 15:41

You feel like the most unattractive person ever??? Don't be daft Poppa445 - he is FOR SURE the most unattractive person ever. What a total berk he is.

seventh · 22/04/2018 15:43

Do you think he thought I wasn’t attractive enough?

Oh sweetheart- of COURSE not. 💕💕

This is simply the Universe showing you that bullet you've just dodged.

Next time ,with whoever , organise the date closer to your city and ask the universe to give you a bit more warning about the bullet should it needed 💕💕

Shampaincharly · 22/04/2018 15:43

I am another one who thinks he is married and child care plan changed but he has managed to get out as he has promised his darling daughter a pair of pink converse.

PetulantPolecat · 22/04/2018 15:46

Christ, OP. You need to get your self-esteem sorted. If you are questioning yourself and your ability of not attracting a shit stain of a man like that - get yourself some counselling or a self help book.

If you can’t see you’re worth more than neither will the kind of person you attract. Sad

ChocolateWombat · 22/04/2018 15:50

Here's the issue.....you texted for 3 weeks, so built this into a big thing and had got emotionally involved.....no doubt planned your outfit, looked forward to it etc etc.

However, he clearly wasn't as invested in meeting you - if he said there would be a coffee or a meal or whatever, then that's what he should have delivered. Regardless of the fact or lie about parent being ill, he did meet you in town, but didn't deliver what he had offered.

Op, you need to maintain perspective and not get carried away before meeting people. You need to remember you are important and worth more than being messed about....just because you had travelled was not a good enough reason to go and meet him for 10 mins - so he could have a quick look at you and decide if he wanted to see you for longer than 10 mins without any cost or emotional or commitment requirement at all....totally unacceptable.

Personally I would have replied with 'we had a plan, but if you can't manage what we planned, let's just leave it' and I would have gone home or for a coffee alone.....and I wouldn't have texted anymore.

Your problem to be honest sounds like you were a bit desperate (sorry to say that) and lacking self esteem. You worried you might not have looked attractive, you hoped 10 mins with you would have convinced him to devote the whole afternoon to you, and you accepted his crap about a parent being ill, but still being able to get to town for a short visit.......what did this all say about the way you value yourself to him? He wasn't valuing you when he let you down and then when he said he'd meet for 10 mins, and you confirmed the fact that he didn't need to value you by showing you weren't respecting yourself enough, to go along with it.

If men behave in a way which is disresectful before they even meet you....just cut off. Someone might have a parent ill....it isn't beyond feasible if unlikely. IF and only if they then are quick and keen to make contact and make all the effort and journey for a replacement date, should you consider going. If they mess you about before you've even met, just walk away....avoid this concern that they might just be the one and so you must pander to their unreasonable letting downs and requests....you are worth more.

In the end, this guy might have been married or had a girlfriend. He certainly wasn't prepared to give you the time he'd offered and used to lure you over on an hours journey, just 10 minutes. He wasn't valuing you enough. And by agreeing to his crap terms you failed to value yourself. Just live and learn and walk away if this kind of thing happens again.

Poppa445 · 22/04/2018 15:50

The plan was to go for cocktails at a bar he knew.
So that’s what I was assuming what was going to happen till he text about his dad.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/04/2018 15:53

He's married and a 3 yr old girl with get pink converse she doesnt actually need, which his wife will question him about when he gets home.

It's not you, its him. Him being a time wasting twatsack.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/04/2018 15:55

He's showed you who he is. Total waste of time. I woukd be utterly pissed off at tge wasted train money and time.

ButchyRestingFace · 22/04/2018 15:59

By God, you had a lucky escape there, OP. Wine

This site is littered with the shattered wrecks of women who didn't get such a massive red flag so early on.

ChocolateWombat · 22/04/2018 16:01

You want to meet a man who likes you and respects you and wants to have a relationship with you.

Set high, not low standards of what you expect from men and don't settle for less or believe you deserve less or they have a right to offer less and to still benefit from your company. Be clear about your expectations being high, and when a man behaves in a way which doesn't meet them, in the very early stages, immediately walk away. Once you've known someone a while, an odd, minor mistake can be forgiven, because everyone makes mistakes, but keep remembering that you deserve and won't settle for less than a good man who wants to be with you and respects you. Remember what respectful behaviour is.....what you experienced this afternoon was not it. Do not make excuses for it in your own mind or blame yourself for it....it was HIS problem and he isn't someone you should want to see again - someone who does this isn't going to be good for you....know you deserve better.

UnimaginativeUsername · 22/04/2018 16:01

Go and have a cocktail on your own, OP. And something nice to eat.

Guardsman18 · 22/04/2018 16:01

Don't you dare blame yourself!

I'd put money on it that he'll be in touch soon and then you can have the pleasure of ignoring him!

Poppa445 · 22/04/2018 16:02

What man would think going to a sports shop is a date...the mind boggles.

OP posts:
Foreverthisyoung · 22/04/2018 16:04

So when he turned up did he acknowledge that he had cancelled your date and apologise and sound genuine about it?

ButchyRestingFace · 22/04/2018 16:04

What man would think going to a sports shop is a date...the mind boggles.

I ended up in Ikea on a first date once. And it wasn't the last with said person. Blush

ChocolateWombat · 22/04/2018 16:04

Yes - do not even consider meeting him again. If you need to reply just brush him off politely and move on.
'Sorry you were unable to meet for cocktails as we had planned. I think we should leave it there'

SelkieUnderLand · 22/04/2018 16:06

Wow, he sounds so rude! You travelled to meet him and he had you tag along on a shopping trip to buy a child's trainers. What. a. dud.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 22/04/2018 16:06

It's not you, it's definitely him. He thought a trip to a sports shop was...well, no words.

Lucky escape

SparklyMagpie · 22/04/2018 16:06

Yes but OP, he did say he needed to "get shoes" and you did tag along with him ...

SukiTheDog · 22/04/2018 16:07

ABORT MISSION. ABORT I tell you!

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